My Passion…The Sugar Diaries – Entry 4

Under the beautiful delusion of a magical moon, I, Sugar Maelene Johnson was born on a crisp September night. My mother, Mae reluctantly allowed the hospital to add a last name strictly for legality purposes on my birth certificate. But soon as we left the hospital she dropped the last name, and I was simply known as Sugar.

In a world in which someone as ambitious as my mother, bargains were made before I was born. My destiny was mapped out not by a higher being, but predetermined by Mae’s human flaw. She had a plan and followed it to the letter, like a perfect war diagram.

I was six months old when I landed my first contract. I was the famous face for a major baby food company. Commercials, magazines, and billboards became my ticket into a fierce and aggressive industry. During that time I picked up the name Sugar Baby, and for awhile Mae allowed the nickname. It suited her purpose for the moment, and when the time was right according to her timetable, she discarded it. Just like everyone and everything else in our world, once their purpose was fulfilled in our lives they were dismissed. Mae saw no reason for them to hang around. Emotional attachments were something she said we had to learn to live without.

From the time I could walk, I studied with the best vocal, dance, and acting coaches. While other parents were busy getting the child’s name on the best prep school waiting list. Mae was getting my name put on the best studio call sheets. At age seven, I landed a role on the number one’s kid show. It was one of the happiest times in my life, because it was the only time Mae allowed me to have friends. She said it was necessary to be a team player for my image.

The kids on the show invited me to birthday parties, long weekends at the beach, and sleepovers. However, when the show was cancel after three years, I was lost to my new found friends. Mae said they would be the same children I would have to compete with during my career, so they could no longer be my friends. To permanent severe the ties, she changed our phone numbers and quickly moved on to the next phase of my career.

I never had time to mourn the loss of my friends, I was told to focus on improving my acting resume instead. I honed my skills in a few hit films, and some movies of the week. By the tender age of fourteen, Mae decided it was time to launch my singing career. With a fanbase already secured, my cd went platinum in a matter a few weeks. Since then, there was no looking back Sugar was a triple threat. I could act, sing, and dance with the best of them. It was more than Mae had hoped for, and she was on top of the world. She had played this deck of cards right, and she finally held a winning royal flush.

It never matter to her that I was unhappy, and that I felt I had a stolen childhood. She never sat down, and asked me what I truly wanted. At times, I was an angry child who felt I didn’t ask to come into this world. But Mae didn’t hesitate to remind me I should be grateful she brought me into it.

I knew isolation, and loneness was my constant companion. No matter how many people were around me, fussing over the infamous Sugar, no one befriended me.

Instead of Mae steering me into the direction of being a true artist, she sold me out. Whatever got my name into everyone’s favor, my mother was agreeable. Sure, I had talent, it was an inherited trait. But the way Mae allowed it to be used, made me feel disgusted, and it burned deep down in my soul. Mae said the reason why she went this way, was to get the most out of my career. Mae made that mistake in her career, relying solely on her talent, and in the end her strategy betrayed her.
I am still reading Mae’s diary, and every time I pick it up, I feel her warmth. Even though I see the coldness in her eyes now, I know there is still some innocence inside of her. There are two sides to every story, and I am fortunate soon I will know both.

I ask myself everyday what can be accomplished by writing in my diary and reading from hers. There are many reasons, one is to shake a life drawn by someone else and live out my own. And another is to help others to realize how important it is to find your passion. With all the talking I have done, it is time to change my path. In the past few months, I have gone behind Mae’s back and set things in motion.

In a lifetime, many of us fail to find and live out our passions. We conform to what society, or what someone else think we may want. No more will I live under those circumstances. I’ve heard people say life is not fair, but life has been more than fair to me. But now I wish to pass the baton to a hungry artist out there who truly wants this life.

My hope is to faded into obscurity and write beautiful stories, and pen occasionally love songs. It is my dream, my hope to do this, and I must. For it would be a waste to have existed on this earth, and not have lived for my own passion.

© Copyright 2004 ZE Harris, author