Keep talking Red Sox Nation

Bring it on, Boston. Poor, blindly optimistic Boston. New York doesn't care. Go ahead, let me hear about a 3.5 game lead that was 10.5 games just a few short weeks ago, your eight-game winning streak, the 22-0 loss to Cleveland.

Keep talking, show me just how arrogant and short-sighted you can be. Convince me with some of those eloquent Boston arguments that consist solely of "Yankees Suck," "Jeter Sucks," "A-Rod Sucks," etc.

Feel free to break out the "Cowboy Up" at any time, too. Unless you've come up with an alternate motivational slogan that also doesn't make any sense and is as goose-bump-inducing as tuna fish. Use that one, too.

Your futile attempts at intimidation amuse me, Boston. Much like the sight of Mighty Mouse staring down King Kong sitting on Godzilla's shoulders would. But knock yourself out, New York can take it.

You've even got Dan Shaughnessy, unbiased purveyor of wisdom that he is, writing things in the Boston Globe like "Maybe this time the Yankees really do suck." Great, Dan. I'll let you know when the Pulitzer judges call.

You know the guy who taunts you mercilessly in your pickup b-ball game and then sprains his ankle while trying to execute a reverse 360 blindfolded dunk? That's Boston. Large amounts of agony, shame, and jealousy are currently being sent to Fenway Park via Federal Express. Postmark: The Bronx, NY.

It obviously has not, and by now clearly never will, sink in that Boston will not ever beat the Yankees in the postseason (or in this new development, the fight to get to the postseason). If the day were to come where the Red Sox were to get to the World Series, it will be in a year when poor decisions, serious injuries, and yes, even overzealous spending, leave the Yankees with a .500 record and out of the race.

It will most certainly not be in a year when the teams go head-to-head in the playoffs or the race for the division goes down to the wire. Especially when they face each other six times in the month of September.

Make all the Nomar Garciaparra-Patrick Ewing comparisons you want: the Knicks haven't won a championship since 1972-73. Nomar's departure isn't the magic recipe for winning the ALCS. More run support for Bronson Arroyo -- that's a place to start.

The Yankees may appear vulnerable, their starting pitching may be a bit unreliable, their first baseman may have a parasite the size of Miguel Cairo, and A-Rod might not be quite holding up his end of the $252,000,000 bargain, but it was all over the SECOND Red Sox Nation uttered the words Could this be the year? The moment they were dumb enough to even think that, the Sox were done.

Don't get me wrong, it's going to be a great race. Those six September games, the eventual meeting in the ALCS. It's going to be exciting and infuriating and stressful; I'm really looking forward to it.

However, we all know how it will end. Gary Sheffield hasn't been playing with one arm hanging limply by his side this whole year so that the Pedro Martinez doll can do a victory lap around Fenway in October. (The actual Pedro Martinez would already be vacationing in the Bahamas by then.)

I am currently having my Tino Martinez and Paul O'Neill T-shirts dry cleaned so they'll be nice and fresh. And I'm polishing the Derek Jeter bobblehead doll so he looks extra handsome for those photo ops.