Pregnant With Hope

Radiant, glowing, hope, expectant, happy…..these are the words usually used to describe a pregnant woman. While most of these descriptions are to do with her physical state, the condition of her skin and hair for instance, some others have a bit of a psychological significance too. Hopeful is one of them. The mother to be is hopeful of her future, she will be brining up a child, a whole new life and an entirely new personality will be formed by what she does or doesn’t do in these next few months. It’s an onerous responsibility, one that would make another person balk. Perhaps this is why most friends and related family take it upon themselves to guide, counsel and advice the parents to be, specially the expectant mother. Some amount o this advice is helpful, but the danger signal comes up when well meaning advice becomes an irritating disturbance in the natural process of motherhood. This is not usually from friends, but immediate family like mothers and mothers in law, sisters and the in-law, and even aunts.

Older female relatives consider a young mother to be too naïve to understand what her body says, what her baby needs and how to give it. Their experience, they feel, can be an excellent guide, and they proceed with advice, warranted or unwarranted. Most of them even forget that every person, every pregnancy and every child is a unique event, a complete whole in itself. No two experiences are the same and such advice usually turns out to be nothing more than interference.

One of the most important nuggets of information bandied around freely concern the greatest fear of every woman’s life - the labour pain and how to deal with it. Everyone has a horror story to share with you, of how bad he pains were, how awfully long they lasted And how, Oh, how she suffered before bringing forth a child. It sacred me, it will scare every woman. But at that point of time, very few stop to think, if it was really so bad, most women would’ve died in childbirth, their agony taking their last breath. Even in earlier days, when women would cheerfully have half a dozen children without batting an eyelid, it couldn’t have been so bad.

Besides, every person has a threshold of pain. If you can’t take it, nature takes over. I, for instance, run a mile for a prick for a blood test. Physical pain just isn’t my thing, and I am sure most women feel that way. For people like us, nature has a fool proof method. If the pain of contractions gets unbearable, your brain simply makes sure you don’t feel anything, you will lose consciousness. It’s the same defense mechanism that the brain uses at times of shock. Then, the worst is not felt.

So, contrary to popular (and martyr-istic) belief, a woman isn’t made to undergo more pain than she can take. This leads us to believe that those horror stories of women cringing in throes of unbearable pain, screeching and screaming, are just that…tales.

The second category of advice is to do with what to eat for best results. Down centuries women have defined the diet rules to follow for a healthy child, and many of these may be right too. For instance, a lot of proteins, a good amount of calcium and a supplement of iron would be good. Besides, every region has its own ideas about what makes the baby more bonny and healthy. Many cultures insist that coconut and its derivatives takes care of healthy, shiny hair, so do dry fruits, saffron with milk ensures a good skin and so on. Of course, there may be some truth in these ideas but then again, considering them a dictum may not be such a great idea. Besides, all things do not go down well in all climates, at all times of the year and even the state of health of the mother-to-be. So following advice blindly could cause trouble, doing more harm than good. While it would be a word of caution for the advisors, to think before dispensing such nuggets, the caution is more relevant for the pregnant woman, because it is she who needs to be more discerning, never eating or experimenting with anything without first consulting the doctors. Many cultures insist on a high fat diet, to ensure a healthy child and (for some inexplicable reason), an easy delivery. This too can cause more harm and good, and hence the mother to be needs to be very careful in deciding what she would like to go ahead with.

These are just two of the things that pregnant women face from well meaning older and more experienced women. The list of advice is endless. What to wear, how to walk, how to sleep, what to read, how to sit…..While the advisors may have the best interests at heart, it is not always a great idea to follow all of these, in fact, for a lot of things, it is better to be courteous and turn down the suggestion, if one is not sure of its implications. The doctor can be conveniently blamed for this refusal, and everything goes. After all, the woman who is carrying the baby knows what is best for her and her baby, now and always.