Rites of Passage –Part I – The Eastern Ways

Countless experiences and zillions of mourning later, mankind has still not found an adequate explanation or a simple way to face the phenomenon of the end of life. Seeing flowers wither away, pets die or even trees die and decay is not such a terrible blow for human beings and the social setup, but somehow we take a death of a person very hard. Why is it so?

In many cases, it is because the situations are not very positive for the people left behind. The death of a young father or mother makes people feel sorry for the children who will be deprived of their most basic need, that of parental love and care. The death of a young husband will throw a young wife into great emotional insecurity and sometimes, financial turmoil. Though the death of old people may not give such a great reason for mourning, the immediate family may still feel the loss of an old member very acutely, particularly if the emotional ties are very strong.

Across the human races, every culture has its own way of dealing with the loss of a human life. Many of these methods appear ridiculous to outsiders, but most of them have centuries and generations of logic behind them. All of them stem from the fact that the departed soul should go in peace and also that the family left behind should be able to get over the initial shock and pain with minimal emotional damage (n some cases, financial too). These are the rites that follow a death, and are very carefully designed, to minimize the sense of loss.

Among the most austere religions, Buddhism instantly springs to mind. It is a simple, uncomplicated way of looking at life and death, and basically preaches that all existence is about pain and suffering. As long as we have a human body we have to suffer. Those of us who spend a good life, get Nirvana (salvation from rebirth), the others take rebirth till the level of Nirvana is achieved.

Since the body of The Buddha was cremated, most Buddhist cremations are funerals. Comfort to the deceased or dying person’s family is provided by Buddhist monks to come home, and chant hymns that prepare them for the loss. Even after death the chants continue to help release good energies from the departed body. The monks follow the family even for the funeral and get candles and food, to create goodwill that is believed to be good for the lingering spirit of the dead person.

In China, most Buddhists belong to the Mahayana sect, which sets the period between death and rebirth as Antarabhaya, and it is believed that if this period is passed in the right prayers and rituals, a good rebirth is ensured for the departed.

In addition, the two main traditions observed are prayers for 49 days (after the first seven days, every seven days for this period), and the funeral expenses are borne by the daughters. The head of the family (if the father has died, the eldest son, and thereafter), has to be present for the prayer ceremonies, at least the first and the last ceremony, and the burial or cremation. In a second tradition, a prayer ceremony is held every 10 days, the initial ceremony and three such periods thereafter, till the burial or cremation.

Islam, too have an uncomplicated take on life and death. Once a person dies, the body is buried as soon as possible, preferably before sundown the same day. Ablutions are carried out by a person of the same sex, the body wrapped in a shroud and buried with its head facing The Mecca. A funeral prayer is performed by the mourners and anyone present in the mosque when the body (funeral procession – Janaza) arrives, and everyone present offers to shoulder to some distance. This may be a way of showing communal sympathy and at this time, this emotion goes a long way as support. Other social and customary practices differ from nation to nation, in keeping with local beliefs but by and large, Islam has a 40 day period of mourning. During this time all acquaintances, friends, neighbors; almost everyone pitches in to support the family, often bringing fruits and eatables, because the hearth is not lit these 40 days. The death rites are thus linked with a social support system. The support goes a long way.

The Baha’i religion has roots in Islam, and most funeral and social arrangements are similar. Only differences could be that while in an Islamic funeral, flowers are an absolute no, in Baha’i, friends can take flowers too. The only rule is that the deceased must be buried within one hour radius of the place of death and the body is not to be embalmed or shown in an open casket.

Parsi (Zoroastrians) have another way of disposing of their dead. After prayers and peace offerings to the departed soul at the Sun Temple, the body is left atop the Tower of Silence, to be picked clean by scavenging birds. This is the religion’s way of giving back to nature what came from nature. Friends, family and close family, always rally around the bereaved family, making the acceptance of grief easier and with passage of time, less painful.

Hindus believe in afterlife and reincarnation, based on their deeds in this life. Hence almost all the rites are aimed at giving the departed soul peace and a chance at a good rebirth. In addition, the social implications involve a lot of cleansing (shuddhi) and giving vent ceremonies. Barbaric though they may sound, there are certain actions that a Hindu is expected to do that help them face the fact that a person is no more. Men folk who are close to the departed (father, son, husband), usually shave their heads. A new widow will break her bangles; remove all signs of marital status, in a traditional setup. Though this is a painful scene of mourning, shorn of the symbols of a married woman, a new window can come to grips with reality much sooner than if the pain is allowed to linger.

The funeral pyre is usually lit by the eldest or youngest son, or the closest male relative, and ashes are immersed in any holy river, to be returned to where the body came from. There is usually a ceremony after 13 days, which involves community feeding and chanting of mantras by Brahmin priests. This is again, a sort of re-initiation of the bereaved family in the social mainstream, after their period of mourning. For these 13 days, the family eats plain, vegetarian, non-spiced and non-oiled food, sleeps on bare floor and dresses in plain clothes. Vanity of any kind is considered an affront to the departed soul. This is a culture that places greater emphasis on the forefathers’ souls than the living persons, so it is completely not done to do anything that celebrates life in this period.

Eastern ways of life usually dictate austerity, and a time like death will take the biggest share of austerity rites. In Hinduism, there are a whole lot of rituals prescribed for each family member after a death but in modern times, in most cases, these are too inconvenient or difficult to follow. The basic respect to the departed soul, prayer for his peace man support from the community is what makes up the funeral rites.