Stop Nagging and Start Enjoying

Visualize this- A couple is newly married, a wonderful life has begun. Their cup of joy is overflowing. Their Garden of Eden resounds with joy and mirth-It’s simply paradise. Till Satan pops his ugly head to ensnare – Enter NAG.

Nagging is satanic….it can vitiate a beautiful relationship. The malaise is rampant almost into every marriage- the extent and degree varying in tune with the personalities in picture. The outcome-we ruminate, cogitate over the so-called grey areas of the better (read Bitter) half and let it fester, taking the shape of a potentially dangerous Nagger! For want of a better role? Thus begins the sordid odyssey of several marriages in the throes of this ubiquitous scourge.

Warning Bell: The lid goes off any time after the euphoria and flush of the initial years of marriage. The mundane takes over and reality dawns. Partners wake up not in each other’s arms but armed with a barrage of complaints. Anxious to rectify the anomaly- it could be about an irritant in the environment or a kinky partner .The intensity of nagging increases in direct proportion to the intransigence from the nagged. You have a scene right out of a bollywood flick. And Drama unfolds.

Partners in crime: Nagging is not solely a woman’s domain as it is thought to be. Men do it too! And infectious as it is, it perpetuates. "Toe my line or else" is perhaps the intended message, an expression of the inherent tussle between expectation and reality between the partners.

Square peg in a round hole: Marriages are made in heaven, but broken on earth. Whoever said this has made a definitive statement. When two beautiful (but different) people in their own right come together in matrimony, they need to adjust (read marry) with each others’ quirks and ensure companionship still blossoms .We adapt and learn to coexist making adjustments wherever necessary, growing together in love. Teething problems are bound to occur which get sorted out in time.

Let us take the flip side…. Not willing to accept the partner for whatever he /she is; Nagging to effect a tailor made partner. This is a sure shot recipe for love loss. Needless to say, the repercussions could be irrevocable. It’s wise to understand that we all have a repertoire of experience in our lives that have shaped us – background, parents, education, etc. As a consequence, we are what we are; to make an exact fitment is next to impossible.

A bee in your Bonnet: You have trouble brewing when nagging becomes compulsive, eating into the relationship. Sometimes it is an expression of insecurity; the bedfellow becomes the easily available target. A bad lifestyle, increasing stress at work could also make potential naggers at home - to blow your lid on a subservient partner is relieving all the pent up stress. And when it is dogged by regularity, one needs to seek help from outside. Also, an erring partner addicted to vice cannot be cured with nagging. Professional help is necessary to get the marriage back on rails.

A breath of fresh air:

Although there are no quick fixes, each situation needs to be worked upon. A few pointers:

--Know your partner: Your beloved could be intriguing. Get behind the scene.
--Know yourself: Re-look at your own needs. Introspect and understand your motives. Weigh the trigger areas with ones that make you tick. Make an honest appraisal. You might conclude with improvement areas about your own self!
--Positive attitude: Nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so! It’s worse if we exude negativity from every pore. Infuse positive overtones while attempting a solution. Half the battle is won with a right attitude. Focus on the trait rather than the person and aim at a solution by keeping the atmosphere ambient.
--Avoid comparisons: Thank your creator. Each one of us is special and gifted in our own way. It is wise to accept your partner the way he is; this is a thumb rule for a good drive without bumps. To compare with others is to do gross injustice-not only is it demoralizing, it is a major deterrent for a healthy relationship. The key is to respect the other the way we want to be.
--Empathize: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes-open your eyes to a different perspective .Be willing to appreciate opinions; Avoid being judgmental and accusatory- the response is almost always defensive.
--Make adjustments: Do it in the name of love. Believe me, it works like magic. Let go, compromise, and coexist. Love and Life go together.
--Explore avenues: Make a SWOT analysis (Strength, Weakness, opportunities and threat). Leave no stone unturned.
--Set a time frame: Are you nagging too often? Have you lost count? Stifle the urge to nag indiscriminately by scheduling sessions to express your disappointment. The outcome: One- you have postponed a sudden outburst. Two- problems have a way of sorting themselves out when you sleep over it. Three-if it is still worth a discussion, you will be doing so in the earmarked hour, albeit dispassionately. You are doing your marriage a big favor when you cut down on all the extra baggage.
--Focus on the end-goal: Do not lose sight of the carrot at the end of the stick – A happy marriage sans nagging. That should spur you to put an end to the torment; But Remember, one step at a time. Rome was not built in a day!

All is well that ends well: Two is great company! Enjoy yourself.

And remember,
To nag is inhuman
To forgive is divine
Rest assured
harmony will shine
On you two, who
are so fine.