Ryder Cup: Grieving Clarke Struggles Back to Reality

With every tragic end there must always come a new beginning. For Darren Clarke, husband, father and golfer, a new phase of his life began yesterday at a nondescript course on the outskirts of Madrid, in a flimsy little tent where his voice fought to be heard above an air-conditioning unit. "I will get myself through this. I have to," said the big strong Ulsterman, his eyes streaming with tears.

One month ago Heather, Clarke's vivacious wife and the mother of Conor, aged five, and Tyrone, eight, died of breast cancer. She had been diagnosed two years before. Sadly, theirs was not a unique story but what made it different was they lived their personal tragedy in public - at every tournament and, more remarkably, after every round which saw Clarke near the top of the leaderboard. "Heather kicked me out the door. She wanted me to play," was the usual response when asked how he was able to perform well in such circumstances. Whatever grieving Clarke did in those days, he did in private. Yesterday he did it in public.

Today he will tee off in the first round off the Madrid Open at La Moralega intending to win. "This is not an experiment," he said. "I need to do something to pay the bills." And next week he will travel back to Ireland to take part in the Ryder Cup after Europe's captain Ian Woosnam offered him one of his two wild cards. It was an honour to be asked but it was not one he accepted straight away.

"I didn't make a rash decision after Heather passed away," he said. "But she was diagnosed just after the last Ryder Cup. It was not as if what happened came out of the blue. We knew it was going to happen, as most people do in that situation, and I was thinking about it for a while.

"I knew Heather wanted me to play so I made myself available. I wouldn't have made myself available if I didn't think I could contribute; the fact that I have played reasonably well in the past; it's in Ireland and it's matchplay which was a huge reason for me playing - if I make a 10 somewhere it doesn't make much difference. I have enjoyed every one and I plan to enjoy this one, too."

But are there moments he is dreading - the opening ceremony, the gala dinner, the endless questions? "I think dread is too strong a word. I have no dread of the situation. I'd be a liar if I was to sit here and say that there will be a few times where I won't feel uncomfortable, which no doubt I will do. I am not dreading it, no. It was always coming where at some stage I would have to stand up and get on with my life and that is what I am trying to do.

"My team will help me and the support from everybody else will help me, but I will deal with it and I will get through it and I will enjoy the week."

If Clarke's family and team-mates can help him deal with the emotion of the week, he alone will be responsible for the standard of his game, and reports suggest Woosnam has little to worry about. He has spent the past four weeks taking care of his children, shepherding them to and from school while fitting in practice sessions at Queenwood, the Surrey club where he is a member. "I defended the club championship, which I was quite pleased about," he smiled. "My game is good. My game is all right. I don't know if playing is a release or not but it is me getting back to reality. It's me getting back to what I did before."

Last week he joined five other members of the European team and Woosnam for a practice day at the K Club. If nothing else it gave him a chance to catch up on tour gossip, as well as the controversy over Thomas Bjorn's criticism of Europe's captain after he was passed over in favour of Lee Westwood.

"I think Woosie will be fine. I feel for Thomas. It was a very, very tough decision for Woosie but the team is now finalised. That is over, done and dusted and I think Woosie will be a strong captain. He had lots of ideas about what he wants and I think he will stick to them."

As for his own role at the K Club, Clarke said he will do whatever is asked of him by his captain; play in only one match or in all five. "I will even play in six matches if he asks me," he said, laughing. This was a wonderfully relaxed answer from a man who has earned a reputation down the years for being the opposite of relaxed. But then, it seems like that man has gone for good.

"I have found a lot of things - inner calm, I am not quite sure yet," Clarke said. "But I have battled through a lot of things which fortunately a lot of people never have to battle through. A lot do, don't get me wrong. But I have had to face up to a lot of tough things and I feel I have come out of it a better person. I hope I have."