General: Sterno's Talkin' Smack -- Episode #51

Sterno's Talkin' Smack. No holding back here. It's all trash, all the time.

Welcome to another wacky and crazy edition of the best column in all the land. On today's program, we discuss the Philadelphia Eagles debacle from this past Monday night, my favorite idiot, Mike Martz', decision to bench Kurt Warner, and the latest on the never to end Maurice Clarett situation.

Smack This: Philadelphia Eagles -- Answer me this, will you please? Where was the Eagles offense against the Bucs? Can the Tampa Bay defense really be that good, or are the Eagles really that pathetic? Well, in my opinion, it's a combination of both.

Look at the facts folks. The Eagles have Donovan McNabb at quarterback, and we all know what he can do. He is a big time weapon on the field for Philadelphia. Tell me what else they have. Please, tell me. Are you really that afraid of Duce Staley or James Thrash? I hope not. Even with everyone ready and raring to go, the Eagles will never scare the Bucs, but if McNabb plays like he did against them this time, they will spend the entire game laughing their asses off.

Donovan didn't run, and he didn't throw much either. His attempts to his receivers were reminiscent of the Paul Hackett offense with the Jets. I am sorry, but throwing a four yard out will not put fear into linebackers with that kind of speed. Oh, and besides the speed, these guys are mean. The Buccaneers have what the Ravens had, what the Singeltary Bears had, what the Lawrence Taylor Giants had, and that's a mean streak. Just listen to the comments.

When asked about beating the Eagles, Simeon Rice said, "For this team, once is not enough." That's the mentality when it comes to beating a tough team, and the Super Bowl itself folks. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers don't want just one.

They want more.

When the Eagles couldn't run their offense at all against the Tampa Bay defense, and the game had been stagnant at both ends, head coach Andy Reid tried to turn things up a notch with a trick play. David Akers lined up for a short field goal and instead of kicking, holder and backup quarterback Koy Detmer, attempted to throw a touchdown. No sir. Not a John Gruden coached team. Not these Bucs.

"No guts, that's what it said to me, because they couldn't knock us off the block. They resort to trick stuff. That doesn't flush with us, OK?"

Yes, okay! Now, please don't hurt me! Look. Tampa Bay is scary. In their minds, nobody can put points up on them. It would have been really exciting to see the Rams at their peak with Dick Vermeil, face this defense. As for the Eagles, I hope they saw the Giants game. Things are changing in the NFC East.

Eagles -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: Mike Martz -- You know my feeling on Mike Martz. I hate his guts. The guy is arrogant, obnoxious, and all the rest. Now you can add a downright liar to the laundry list. We talked yesterday about how suspect the Kurt Warner "concussion," was. Did he or didn't he? Was he or wasn't he? Well, one thing is for sure. Mike Martz is going to milk this as much as he humanly can.

Healthy or not, Kurt Warner has been benched for this weekend's game against the San Francisco 49ers. That's right. Marc Bulger will get the nod, and to me, there will be no turning back. Last season when Warner started, the team was terrible, but when Bulger was in, they were great. If the same thing happens this coming Sunday, it is all over for Kurt. Just two years after being the best thing since sliced bread in St. Louis, his reign as the quarterback of the Rams, will be over.

Now, just to add some more controversy, let's look at some of these statements. How convincing does this sound to you?

"This week I'm going to play Marc. I think we can go one week, and make sure. He's (Warner) upset about probably going with marc but I think it's probably the best thing at this point," says Martz.

Probably, probably and some more probably? Yeah, that sounds assuring. Way to take the bull by the horns. Way to run the team. What a joke! Does anyone think this guy is sincere?

After Martz talked about the fact that he shouldn't have played Warner because of the concussion, he actually fessed up to screwing up in the fourth quarter by going for it on fourth down, twice.

"It was probably as bad a game as I've called since I've been here."

Probably? Man, this guy loves the word probably. I guarantee you, that probably, Kurt Warner is just fine.

"Compared to what I've had in the past, this was extremely, extremely mild, he said.

Yeah, extremely as in nothing is wrong with you? That's what I thought!

Mike Martz -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: Maurice Clarett -- I am going to be really quick on all of this stupidity. We have talked about this enough in this column. Look, Clarett is an idiot. He ruined a great shot at the Heisman trophy, because he lied about a bunch of things being stolen from his car. Why?

Did he not think that one day he could afford anything that he wanted? Didn't he know that superstar's make millions of dollars? Maybe, he just had terrible parents? Who cares? (Is anyone else sick of hearing comments from his father? What is he Barry Sanders?)

You heard me. Who cares? I know I don't. Instead of paying attention to Clarett and whether or not he will play this year, which we know now that he won't, I think that Buckeye players, alumni, and fans, should pay more attention to the fact that their football team almost lost to San Diego State. No, Marshall Faulk doesn't play there anymore!

Michigan will win the Big Ten. Ohio State will play in a bowl named after a restaurant chain. Clarett will still be a top ten pick and make millions in the NFL. That's just the way it is.

Clarett -- Smacked!!!

One for the Road: Today's one for the road is dedicated to Major League Baseball. Is anyone still watching it? To me, unless your team is in a heated race like the Marlins, baseball dies out from September until the playoffs being. I know I don't care. The Mets are in last, the Yankees are the Yankees, and football is here.

Oh, and hockey is coming! Woo-hoo!!!

Hit me up with feedback at eSports (click the Write the Editor link) or on my homepage at http://www.suite101.com/myhome.cfm/theycallmethecloser. Come on and click that link already! You can't possibly agree with everything I say!

See ya' all next time folks! Until then, don't be the one that gets smacked.