Joke Review: Blind Man & Fork

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. The blind man says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and I can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork from the previous customer and I'll order from that."

So the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile, and picks up a dirty, greasy fork, walks back, and hands it to the blind man. The blind man puts the fork up to his nose and takes a long whiff, and says, "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, meat loaf and mashed potatoes."

"Unbelievable", the owner says to himself as he walks toward the kitchen. He tells his wife, Mary, who is also the cook, what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves, but the owner decides that he'll be ready for him the next time he comes in. The next day, he sees the blind man coming in, so the owner runs into the kitchen and says to his wife Mary, "Quick take this fork, and shove it down your panties." She does. He then takes the fork, walks over to the blind man and says, "Good afternoon sir, I remember you from the last time, and I already have your fork ready."

The blind man takes the fork, puts it to his nose, and says, "Gee, I didn't know Mary worked here."

* * * * *

The blind have always been a rich resource for humor. No further proof is needed than the continued proliferation of Helen Keller jokes. Think about it--Helen Keller. How less relevant can a person be? Yet, still, we laugh. Is it because we find anything particularly funny about her? Of course not. In fact, her plight should be regarded as nothing less than inspiring. Think about it, she was blind and still managed to accomplish more than most of us with our fancy-schmancy working eyes. I'm not really sure what she accomplished, but it was undoubtedly more than I would do if I couldn't see.

But, it's that very blindness, the impetus of her courageousness, which has transformed her into a comedic icon. Why her and not Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles? Good question, and a viable subject for a sociology thesis.

Anyway, the point is blind people are funny. More to the point, they aren't in full control of their environment, like the wheelchair-bound and blondes, and are thus susceptible to getting placed in funny scenarios. Like the one above, for example.

Three words in, we already begin to chuckle because we can't help but wonder what wacky situation this man will soon find himself in. Our expectations are met when we are hit with the set-up: he smells the fork of previous customers to determine what meal to order. That's just stupid--so it works. See, with jokes like this, the more outrageous the premise, the better. The opposite is true of stand-up comedy, where a routine should be grounded in reality in order to connect with the audience. That's why good joke-tellers who think they would kill onstage are sadly mistaken.

Getting back to our joke, the diner owner provides us with the next essential element--the incredulous witness, who is needed to validate the outrageousness demonstrated in the first part. Here, that would be the amazing nasal powers of the blind patron. The owner is a little quick to believe, but it is quite an impressive trick.

The next part could be a bit stronger. Traditionally, the act in question is performed over an extended period to discourage accusations of it being a fluke and to build the sense of wonder in the witness. Here, the action is continued the next day. A minor flaw.

Now we come to the part of the joke that directly contradicts a previous part. The now credulous witness disregards what he just saw and sets out to disprove the protagonist. Logically, it makes no sense, but without it, you have no joke. Perhaps, the owner should not have been so quick to believe, especially after only one day. The minor flaw gets bigger.

So, the owner asks his wife, Mary, to "shove" a fork down her panties in order to deceive the blind man. There's a lot to discuss here. First, the use of the word "shove" is of some note because of its comedic value over synonyms such as "place" or "put." A good choice. Second, the use of a proper name is very important. Because the blind man and the owner are nameless, we should conclude that the name Mary will play a prominent role in the punchline. Why else introduce it into the narrative? This may lessen the overall effect of the joke in that the listener may begin tossing around potential endings in his/her head and miss an important line or clue. On the plus side, the scene is subliminally enhanced with the always-welcome introduction of sex. "Panties" is a powerful word that can stop almost any man in his tracks. Less effective on women, however. But, what isn't, is the fact that the owner is asking his wife to participate in his ruse in a rather vile way. And, to "shove" a fork so close to her most delicate region, adds yet another layer to the story.

Finally, we get to the payoff. The blind man foils the owner's plan, not by failing to guess what the smell on the fork was, but by succeeding. Either he was once an incredibly detail-oriented gynecologist before he lost his sight, or Mary's a slut. I think we only need one guess here.

Looking back, the diner patron doesn't necessarily have to be blind. Sure, the blind are supposed to have heightened senses to compensate for their lessened one. The fact that he couldn't see never really came into play, considering the owner took the fork to his wife in the kitchen--out of view of his customers. However, while not necessary, it set the tone early. And once who have your audience laughing, you can get through the rest blindfolded.