Worry Vs. Concern

Many people think worry is "just a part of life." After all, everyone worries. However, worry is a human activity which is destructive, worthless, and always counterproductive. It is most often a mental habit—a habit is something you do, that when you do it, you don’t know you are doing it.

Some people think that the opposite of worry is apathy. This is not so. The flip side of worry is concern. This can be confusing to some people because it seems these two are really the same thing. Our culture is often quite supportive of worry because of the inappropriate connection with caring. Often, if you tell someone you do not worry about an issue, they may wonder if it is because you do not care. Worry is not a sign of caring; concern is the real companion of caring.

Unfortunately, some people are such chronic worriers that when they find themselves not worrying, they worry that something is wrong. These "worry warts" think that if they did not worry, life around them would fall apart. As strange as it seems, worry is viewed as glue that holds life together.

One of your goals is to know the difference and to be able to discriminate between the two. This can be difficult at first because worry and concern have some similarities. They both...

• are mental activities
• can take a lot of effort and energy
• have the potential for focusing on important issues

In spite of these parallels, there are some important differences between worry and concern.

Running in circles. Worry seldom takes us to a place that is growth producing. Worry tends to be repetitive in a way that never helps us to resolve our problems. Concern, on the other hand, is more linear. Concern is characterized by forward movement. It advances us in our life’s journey towards growth and maturation.

Destructive behavior. Since our thought processes eventually lead us to action, we see that worry often gets us to behave in ways that are not in our best interest. After we have done something counterproductive as a result of worry, we then have something else to worry about (see Running in Circles above). Concern is a thought style that promotes constructive and healthy behavior.

Control. One of the important pieces of being human is our need to have a sense that we are in control of our destiny. We are at our most miserable when we sense that our life is out of control. Worry is a type of mental activity that focuses on those things in life that we have no control over. Human nature is strange — people spend so much of their time trying to control the very things that are out of their control. Concern only expends energy on dealing with those issues which are within our control: our behavior, our emotions, and our sensations.

Some people think that worry is important because it shows they care about what they are worrying about. This connection between caring and worry is a cultural myth. The true sign of caring about something or someone is concern. Remember: worry is never effective nor necessary!

Your goal is not to stop worrying. This does not make sense. If worry is a brain activity and you could stop it, then you would be brain dead. This is not a reasonable goal for your life. You want to learn how to replace worry with concern.