How to Sing the Blues

The first official recording of the blues in America was in 1895, when George W. Johnson recorded "Laughing Song." Blues music reflected the new status of African Americans, starting with slaves who sang about their newly acquired freedom. The teachings of Booker T. Washington and Horatio Alger opened the eyes of black Americans to focus on the individual, which influenced the personalized form of music that came to be known as the blues.

The blues started to become widely popular in 1920, when Mamie Smith’s recordings of songs such as "It’s Right Here For You" and "Crazy Blues" opened the musical doors to other blues singers. The record of those two songs cost $1 and it sold 75,000 copies during its first month. From there, the market for blues records began to boom. Fans of blues music were almost entirely black for the next couple of decades, and record companies advertised almost entirely to blacks and only stores catering to black people sold blues records. After Smith’s success, record companies sought out new talented blues singers, and artists such as Bessie Smith, Alberta Hunter, and Ethel Waters became popular.

The popularity of the blues spread ever wider through the early 20th century, from New Orleans to Texas, Louisiana, and Arkansas. Country singers joined the migration and brought their combination of styles to Chicago, Detroit, and New York, where classic blues singers from all around the country united to introduce the blues style into clubs, theaters, and dance halls. From blues music have come many great artists, such as Muddy Waters, John Lee Hooker, Buddy Guy, Bessie Smith, and others. And although the blues is a classic style of music with a sound all its own, it can be relatively easy for anyone to write and sing a soulful blues song. All you have to do is keep a few rules in mind—guidelines attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky. Here are the rules, and the rest is up to you!

HOW TO SING THE BLUES:
1. Most blues begin, 'Woke up this morning.'

2. 'I got a good woman' is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. "I got a good woman…with the meanest dog in town."

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of. "Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town…He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and he weighs about 500 pounds."

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is a Greyhound bus, or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. In the blues, "adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues. Nobody in Miami ever has the blues.

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve

9. You can’t have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.

10. Good places for the blues:
a. The highway
b. The jailhouse
c. An empty bed
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. Weekends in the Hamptons

11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

12. Do you have the right to sing the blues? Yes, if any of the following apply to you:
a. Your first name is a southern state, like Georgia.
b. You're blind.
c. You shot a man in Memphis.
d. You can't be satisfied.

No, if any of the following apply to you:
a. You were once blind but now can see.
b. You're deaf.
c. You have a trust fund.

13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.

14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are:
a. Wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. Muddy water

Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.

16. Some appropriate blues names for women:"
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
Women with names like Sierra or Shaniqua will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

17. Some appropriate blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning
Men with names like Horace, Demetrius, or Chad are not allowed to even listen to the blues.

17B. Formula for creating an appropriate blues name:
a. Name of physical infirmity (blind, cripple, asthmatic)
b. First name (see above lists of approved names) or name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, Cherry)
c. Last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)