The Fat Kids are Back

Snap, crackle and loud to whiny butt wiping rectal pops is the sudden flatulence and sultry sound of American obesity.

It’s a swoosh and velvet itching scratch of cellulite dripping thighs burning like chainsaws on Oregon timber.

It’s a leisurely stroll through the intersection at Main street and Asphalt Avenue, Anywhere, USA, where cursory glances conclude that every other full blooded human being walking past is a lawn size Glad plastic bag of packed, bubbly lard.

It’s watching grossly overweight Wal-Mart moms literally crawl and scrape out of undersized Hyundais when Smokey the Bear would have happily lent his jaws-of-life. It’s the greasy residue of Popeye’s fried chicken on any crack addict infested neighborhood sidewalk.

It’s when pudge-knuckle, blow fish cheeks Tommy is on a rush hour crowded subway with an open, crumpled package of strawberry Pop-Tarts in one hand and his Mother’s glow of patronizing spoon-feed approval in the other glucose-waxed pitcher’s mitt. Now, Tommy and Co. know damn well Tommy should’ve long been on a high fruit diet mixed with hour sessions of boot camp calisthenics.

By no means does the author taunt the overweight, fat or pudgy. This isn’t material for those with no life other than the continuous torture of the less fortunate and meek. And neither does the author gain insane, orgasmic pleasure in this latest fat blasting disvaluation. Instead, the pen is feverishly out of ink on the shorthand side and his No. 2 pencil just broke like Ed Norton fist-blitzed that blonde cat’s face in "Fight Club." Why? Because people are unnecessarily dying from it … in droves. More than a quarter of all Americans are obese, with 300,000 plus dying from the extra bodyweight each year. Some of us are in that foreboding demographic – and then, there are those of us who watch people die in front of our eyes as they indulge in the un-safe excess without consideration of diet, exercise or dear life. This depreciating, foul snort of a topic is a sickening stain of sewage sizzling on my back yard grill and dripping brown ooze like day-old cappucino. Get the drift? Smell the gust? We’re not splitting our ribs on this one – this is serious: America’s weight is out of control and it’s downright deadly.

It may seem trivial, somewhat rude, obnoxious and deviant to even point out, but the fact of the matter lays in the matted fat of blood clotting, cholesterol that nibbles at life’s edges like gnawing teeth on a t-bone special. Likeminded peeps on a fitness tip and looking to gain 20 more years rather than 20 more pounds may seem slightly neurotic and uncontrollably jacked on air pressurizing ego. The author – licking soy milk, granola grains and cabbage knots from the shrubbery of his upper lip – assures you all that this is not the case. This is really about the kids.

The adults we can’t concern ourselves with too much since, for many, it’s probably too late. Most have already eased into the car seat addiction of their ways. They are as toasted as Thomas English muffins with the burnt edges. The most we expect are half-done power walks around gravel tracks and glib, self-gratulating conversation about overpriced fitness trainers. But, few wonder or worry about the kids. An entire generation of knuckleheads now prepped for early onsets of Type II diabetes rather than geared up for college, good jobs, lives of innovation or great promise. What’s more damaging to national integrity and sustained growth than a country full of chronically diseased citizens? And don’t you think you need healthy, fit peeps to fight the War on Terrorism? Our collective clinical state-of-affairs are spilling sober statistics like the melted cheese on a fresh Philly cheese steak. Thanks to the introduction of 40-hour TV weeks, Play Station substitutes over desperately needed doses of routine exercise and tricked up parents who think daily dinner runs to Mickey Ds will compensate for lost quality time.

Meanwhile:

25% to 30% of school-age children in the United States are overweight or obese. More than a quarter of our kids are fat – in many cases dangerously fat. This is not so much an image problem as it is a serious physical and mental health risk. It poses a danger and it puts an entire generation at risk for all sorts of diseases and a continued drop in self-esteem;
40% of children between the ages of 5-8 years old are obese, inactive, have high blood pressure or cholesterol levels;
75% of obese teens will remain obese into adulthood;
Obesity-related diseases cost the U.S. more than $100 billion per year;
More than 1/3 of kids between 12-21 do not get regular physical activity;
63% of kids are no longer physically active by the time they reach high school;
Only 25% of students take daily physical education classes. Over a quarter do not attend any school physical education classes at all.

Then why don’t we get it? Why aren’t we exercising as much as we should? What’s to stop us from running 1-2 miles every other day? What’s to stop us from drinking 8 cups of water a day – is it too easy or too good to be true? Why can’t school administrators – particularly in blighted urban school districts - institute mandatory, routine exercise for 30-45 minutes a day? It requires little to no money to do, yet educators (as educated as they claim to be) fail to make the critical connection between a healthy body and a spitfire, intellectually charged mind. One can’t function without the other. All we have to do is commit.

No doubt that the kids are our future – that’s common sense. Yet, what’s not common sense is if society encourages unhealthy and unfit behavior leading to untimely handicaps, deaths and little future. Being healthy in mind, body and spirit is civilization’s most precious personal and community resource. If you are not healthy, you cannot function. If you can’t function, then a community cannot function.

Cultural mindsets and attitudes have got to change. Lives must be centered around a constant theme of fitness, good nutrition and healthy lifestyles. Get off the couch and get your head from the tube - exercise every day of your lives and do the most important thing you can do for your body beyond the occasional veggie burger and slice of tofu bread. Show your body that it’s not just a funnel landfill - appreciate it by eating the right amount of calcium-rich, iron-rich and fiber-rich foods. Sound like a commercial? Just making sure that all of us can be productive, smarter, healthier, brighter and better. Plus, your roundness is blocking my perfect sunset view.