General: Sterno's Talkin' Smack -- Episode #31

Sterno's Talkin' smack. No holding back here. It's all trash, all the time. Welcome to the Tuesday morning edition.

Today's topics include MLB Umpires needing glasses, late game troubles for the New York Yankees and a trip to the Teen Choice Awards.

Smack This: MLB Umpiring -- All year we have heard about the evil villain known as Questec. The ballparks with Questec's presence have experienced more walks, more early exits from starting pitchers, and many more temper tantrums.

Now, besides the Questec issue, MLB Umpires have done pretty nice job this year. Hey, they can't get every call right. The most action that I can recall was actually with a fan when during the Royals game, the Umpire laid out some idiot that ran out of the stands. However, this past weekend was a debacle. There were two separate calls that were very questionable, that we will go over. Why, because it's my column!

Football fans, remember the Giants and 49ers playoff game last year when it took us a week to find out the actual ruling on the missed field goal attempt to end that game. You remember; the one where the punter tried to be Joe Namath and launched it in the vicinity of an offensive lineman downfield.

Yeah, we had the entire NFL apologizing to the New York Giants, despite the fact that it was not going to change the outcome.

Well, this weekend was no different. In a game on Saturday between the Rockies and the Pirates, Jay Payton was called out at first in a play that should have tied the game. The Rockies and their fans went ballistic to no avail and the Rockies lost.

Then, a day later, Umpire Tim Welke admitted he probably missed the call, and cost Colorado the game.

"Now I looked at the replays, and I know the replays aren't very good, but I don't get a second chance at it. It was a tough night sleeping last night," he said.

Yeah, I bet. It must be tough to stand still all day and spout out one word decisions. Okay, maybe I am being too harsh. It is tough to make calls and have one team freak out on you, but that's the name of the game. I would have rather the guy just go on, instead of admitting he was wrong, so now the Rockies can cry all season. You're right, there's no way they will be one win from the postseason anyway.

My favorite part of this story was the comment afterwards by Rockies pitcher Jason Jennings.

"It was obviously predetermined that if we hit a groundball, it was going to be a double play, and everybody could watch the (postgame) fireworks show." Excuse me? Yeah, I'm that's what the Umpire's were thinking. "Man, it's only about a hundred degrees out here. Why don't we hang out, eat some chips, and sweat through some fireworks!"

Jason, get a clue. You have been in the league two years. If you want to talk about robbing, talk to me about a game that counts, between teams that matter. Maybe you can call Jeffrey Maher for that story.

Speaking of complaining, let's move the show to Atlanta. In a story that not even his own family would picture, Robin Ventura, the slowest runner this side of John Olerud, ran out an inside the park homerun. Yes, you read that right! Now, of course, for a feat like this to occur, there had to be some interesting circumstances. Even, Robin acknowledged that!

"Usually," quipped Ventura, "someone has to go on the DL for me to get even a triple."

Basically, what happened was, Ventura clocked a ball to deep center, and Darren Bragg (in for Andruw Jones), went up against the wall with the ball in his glove, and came down with the ball still in hand (albeit the other hand). It was really a close play. The slow motion replay showed that the ball may have been trapped. It was really too close to call.

The play was almost an amazing one. However, what happened next was not. Bragg sat down on the grass crying about it being a catch, as Ventura rounded third base at a snails pace. I mean, Bragg could have easily held Robin to a triple, or possibly thrown him out at home. Instead, he sat there. If you ask me, there is no difference between that kind of play, and not running out a ground ball.

All I know is, the Braves fans were none to pleased. So goes the life of the MLB Umpire.

MLB Umpire's -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: The Yankee Bullpen -- Here we go again. In what seems like a weekly saga, we are here to discuss the Yankee bullpen, or lack there of. If you recall, the last time we spoke about this, the Red Sox had just taken two out of three from the Bronx Bombers.

In that series, the Sox had took the Yanks in the late innings. Armando Benitez and company were making David Ortiz look like Hank Aaron, and Jesse Orosco was looking oh so old. Then came the trading deadline. You know, the one, where the Yankees picked up no immediate help, as Gabe White is currently fighting through an injury.

The stalwart in the Yankees pen has always been Mariano Rivera. In big games, like this past weekend against the Oakland A's, Mo' gets the go - ahead! However, sometimes, managers need to break habit, if a pitcher like Andy Pettite is throwing a lights out game.

This is precisely what happened this past Sunday afternoon in Oakland. Petitte allowed only Jose Guillen's first-inning infield single while striking out six, and was headed to his ninth straight victory, Joe Torre handed the ball to Mariano Rivera in the ninth.

Certainly, there is a catch twenty two here. You have a closer who has done so in more clutch games, then anyone around right now. You also though, have a starting pitcher in Andy Pettite who has been through just as many wars with you, and been just as successful.

He also, wasn't too terrible against the usual pitch count, and had retired what seemed like fifty hitters in a row. Never the less, in came Mr. Automatic, or so we thought. This was a big moment, considering that the Yankees were in danger of following up the Red Sox debacle, with losing two of three against the A's in the late innings.

Oh well, says Miguel Tejada!

"I just said, 'I'm going to do it,' because that's all you can do," Tejada said. "I told everybody in the dugout that we could win this thing. It's not going to get any better than today."

That was "Miggy," right after he hit the game winning two run double off of Mariano in the 9th. A team, who had not done anything against the veteran lefty all day, ate up Rivera for the win. Now, once again, the Yankee bullpen has blown a great start for the team.

Maybe Rivera has worked too much recently with the pathetic outings from the rest of the bullpen crew. Maybe he was too tired on this particular night. Maybe, he just got beat!

Either way, Joe has to second guess himself, as Andy Pettite will too, I am sure.

"I didn't want Andy Pettitte to feel like a victim in this," Torre said. "That's why Mariano came in. ... (Pettitte) wanted to stay in, but there's nobody I trust more than Mariano Rivera. Ninety percent of Mariano is better than 100 percent of other pitchers."

Okay. That's great Joe. However, I think that on this day, Andy Pettite at 100% was more than enough. It goes back to the whole issue with saves in today's game. All anyone cares about is saves, and blown saves. This is why you have to love a guy like Mark Mulder. Mulder, who leads the league with eight complete games this season, is an old time pitcher. He goes out. He throws a ton. He wants to win at any cost.

Is Andy Pettite all of those things? Could he have gone another inning? Ah, the drama of baseball. Don't worry. I am sure there will be much more to talk about when it comes to the Yankee bullpen. Did I mention that I love every minute of it?

The Yankee Bullpen -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: Kobe Bryant's Award Winning Appearance -- Oh, how I love the Kobe Bryant saga. Every week, we have a new twist and turn to delve into. However, I never thought I would mention the "Teen Choice Awards," in my column!

Brittney Spears. Christina Aguilera, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and many, many others take up residence in the teen category. Kobe Bryant? I guess, I can see him in the category. After all, we know that he has a special liking for teen girls, now doesn't he. Okay, so that was low. Give me a break. I have been good today.

Anyway, Bryant was up for an award at the ceremony this past weekend, and decided to attend with his wife. Ah, the famous award of "Favorite Male Athlete." So many are judged based upon whether or not they win this fine acknowledgement. No, championships do not matter when you can be grouped in with Justin Timberlake and a guy named 50 cent.

So what, if Bryant was the "defending champion," does anyone really care? The trophy is a surfboard shaped cheap piece of you know what, and all of the viewers and voters have to be in bed by 10pm. Not exactly anything to add to the mantle.

This was purely for exposure, and that is what gets to me. Obviously, Kobe's lawyer's felt that this would be a good way to win some brownie points with the public. Kobe was smiling, hand in hand with his wife, and giving the peace sign to anyone who would wave back.

Okay, so Kobe has proved that he is not ashamed of sleeping with a nineteen year old, when he has a wife who loves him (and has a ridiculous figure I might add!). Yeah, I know he cried at that press conference, but he still had sex with this high school girl, and he still tried to buy off his wife with a $4 million gift. Let's not forget that.

Bryant was seen holding his fist in the air after receiving his trophy, a multicolored surfboard mind you! Oh, boy. What has happened to our scholarly young athlete who spoke all those languages? Now, he is a teeny bopper? Maybe in his next appearance, Kobe can sing with N-SYNC.

Kobe Bryant -- Smacked!!!

One for the Road: The Cardinals pitching staff needed a serious whipping before the trade deadline, yet no moves were made. We discussed the consequences of this last week.

Well, no truer was this prophecy then when Tony Clark of the Mets made the Cards look like lunch meat at a high school cafeteria. Hey, I don't even know where I was going with that one. Anyway, Clark ripped three homeruns over the weekend against the Cardinals, making them wish they had better than the aging wonder, Jeff Fassero in their rotation.

Oh, well. At least Albert Pujols is still knocking them out of the park!

Hit me up with feedback at eSports (click the Write the Editor link) or on my homepage at http://www.suite101.com/myhome.cfm/theycallmethecloser. Come on and click that link already! You can't possibly agree with everything I say!

I'll see you all on Wednesday. Til' then, DON'T be the one who's smacked!