General: Arm-wrestling contest escalates into violence

When Dirk Murphy of San Pedro Wis., planned his annual celebrity picnic, he made sure to invite all of the most popular people in Upper Wisconsin.

San Pedro Mayor Woody Peters was there, and so were a few members of the San Pedro Splash baseball team.

For the first three hours of the event, everyone was having a good time at Murphy's picnic. But then, the arm-wrestling contest began.

"After the arm-wrestling contest began, stuff just got really wild," said a bloodied Peters. "Pierre Jones, one of the members of the Splash, kept talking about how he was going to 'take me down' in the arm-wrestling contest. He told me that didn't vote for me in the last election, and that he wouldn't even let me walk his dog. Well, like any upstanding public servant, I got pretty angry at that pencil-necked loser. I hit him with a little one-two punch, and the next thing I know, that pathetic baseball player levels me."

Jones admits hitting the Mayor, but says that Peters deserved it.

"Come on, just because the guy is Mayor, that doesn't mean he can hit me," said Jones, who fractured his nose after being hit by Peters. "I had to do something to show that disgruntled guy what I was made of. I'm really good at arm wrestling, it's something I pride myself on."

Authorities were called in to separate the individuals, and Police chief Peter Julanko says they are investigating the situation.

"This case just proves that arm wrestling isn't always as friendly and mild-mannered as a nice game of shuffleboard," said Julanko. "Things can get out of hand. Kids, let this be a lesson, whenever you want to have some fun with your friends, try shuffleboard."

Peters says that after this incident, he may no longer accept invitations to celebrity picnics in the San Pedro area.

"As the mayor, I try to be a good guy, but this is just too much," said Peters. "I don't care that Mr. Jones didn't vote for me, but the man blatantly insulted me as well. I'm an animal lover, and if I do say so myself, I'm very good with dogs. So when this fella' told me that he wouldn't let me walk his dog, I had no choice but to take a stand."

As for Murphy, he says that he's considering new contests for next year's celebrity picnic.

"For me, this picnic is about bringing all of San Pedro's finest together to enjoy the last week of summer," said Murphy. "I love arm wrestling, but maybe we should leave the arm-wresting contest out of next year's event. Perhaps we should try something more civilized, like extreme fencing, or pin-the-tail on the donkey. You know, something that everybody can enjoy, an event where no one gets hurt."

This is a work of fiction. Any references to people or places, real or fictional, is purely coincidental.