Life for me

So. I'm 18. Finally. It seemed like it took forever. I couldn't wait to move out and get away from my mother. But all my expectations of what life was going to be fell apart. Still living at home. Between Jobs and no vehicle. I live in the middle of nowhere, in an old house approx. 100 years old. Alot of history and alot of spirits. It’s amazing. But living in the country can drive you to insanity it seems. It’s a great place to be depressed. And I have been. I've been trying to get out of the hole I've put myself into. But it’s a slow process. I mess up everything I come in contact with. I'm in a supposed relationship but its long distance for a while. He has to finish school 2 hours away and we don't get to see each other. I'm afraid I'm going to fuck everything up by just being me. I don't deserve a guy like him. And so I don't know what to do about it. -sigh- More later.