Olympics: Weekend sports update

Hope you had a good weekend watching sports. How could you not have a good weekend watching sports?

Out of all the Olympic sob stories about athletes overcoming all the seemingly impossible overcoming odds to make to the games, I've yet to see one about an athlete with asthma who happens to smoke three packs a day.

Members of the Chinese National team have had a hard time practicing due to them laughing out loud voraciously because they think that their coach -- longtime NBA coach Del Harris -- is Leslie Nielsen.

One member of Allen Iverson's posse was arrested for drunken driving while in Greece. However, he was released from jail because it was proven that he wasn't drunk, just that he didn't know people in Greece drive on the other side of the road.

For athletes that like to eat Lucky Charms, there is bad news as the IOC has placed the marshmallows on its banned substances list.

A member of the Puerto Rican basketball team, following their defeat of the USA team, was quoted as saying, "This is retribution for that episode of "Seinfeld" where Kramer accidentally caught the Puerto Rican flag on fire then stomped on it to put it out." He probably never said that I just made it up because I don't know Spanish.

The phrases "Greek Tragedy" and "My Big Fat Greek Flop" have not been used hardly at all by the American media to describe the USA men's basketball team's 2-2 record. (Sarcasm)

Michael Phelps thinks that he'll be in the 2008 Olympics to possibly win another eight gold medals, but first he's going to attend the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor because he enjoyed the school's swimming program, their school's academics and because he looks forward to seeing a demented young man who happens to be always wearing an Indianapolis Colts hat perform standup comedy in that college town. (That is me for everyone who didn't get that.)

Michigan State head football coach John L. Smith amazingly climbed to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro this offseason. He said he had a hard time recruiting other places but he decided see what was up there.

The USA softball team keeps on winning -- 78 in a row to be exact. They are looking forward to taking on different types of challenges and they plan to dominate the Game Show network's Dodgeball league. Star pitcher Jennie Finch was quoted as saying, "Thank you Chuck Norris."

Equestrian horses aren't given medals. For some reason, the riders are. This makes sense because it'd be hard to make a horse stand on podium, even though they jump over obstacles. It'd be hard to get a medal on their necks, even though they have that neck strap thing. And it'd be even harder for them to pee in a cup for a drug test I'm assuming.

Minnesota is a sleeper to win the Big Ten. MINNESOTA IS A SLEEPER TO WIN THE BIG TEN FOOTBALL SEASON THIS YEAR! If they play USC in the Rose Bowl, it'll be the first ever camouflage Rose Bowl, because both teams will be wearing the color schemed uniforms.

100% of heterosexual male viewers vote women's beach volleyball as their favorite Olympic sport. This gallup poll was performed on a group that wasted their time and energy conducting a poll they already knew the answer to.

Have a good week watching sports and everyone.