Boost Your Chances of Having a Perfectly-matched Relationship

"I’m extroverted, you’re introverted." "I’m tall, you’re short." "I’m pretty, you’re…" well you get the point! Compatibility is not about opposites! In an effort to help you fully embrace this very necessary highlight in the selection of your future mate, let’s first outline what compatibility really means, then talk about what measures to take to find it, and how not to feel bad about doing so.

While there is nothing wrong with opposites attracting, compatibility should not be solely based on this. When you think of the word "compatible", try corresponding it with words like "well-matched", "similar", and "harmonious". Stay away from any words like "opposites" and [in some cases] "different". Compatibility is more about "common interest" as in two people, although different in body, look towards a common goal in mind and spirit. Opposites may attract, but "birds of a feather flock together."

Now that you know what the word means, what do you do with it? Well much like Santa Claus (just making a point, work with me) we need to make a list, and check it twice. In this case, we’re going to examine all the "naughty" and "nice" of our personal preferences. This is something that most people don’t do for fear that they will seem or become "too picky" and possibly miss out on a "good thing". On the contrary, making a mental and/or written list of negotiable and non-negotiable character traits you are looking for in your prospective partner will increase your chances of finding real compatibility. Additionally, for those of you who are not quite certain about who you are as a companion, making this list will give you a pretty good idea (after all, this list doesn’t just reflect who you want, but also who you are). See below…

~Example 1:

Negotiable:
*Age (must be over 25 though)
*Ethnicity (no preference)
*Religion (must believe in a higher power however)
*Body Type (I’m open to slender, medium, and large)
*Transportation (doesn’t have to have a car – although it would be nice)
*Education (must have completed high school)

Non-Negotiable:
*Female
*Age (no one under 25 or over 35)
*Height (must be at least 6’2")
*Domestic Life (must live alone and within 30 – 90 minutes of my location)
*Career (must have decent occupation with a base salary of $50K)
*Appearance (must have bright smile, straight teeth, dark hair, little to no body hair, full features [lips, hips, etc.])

What your list says about you:
*This section is to be filled out by you. Once you have your "Negotiable and Non-Negotiable" lists, all you have to do is ask yourself why you want (or need) these things, are you will learn an awful lot about yourself!

*Note: You will be responsible for specifying what "decent" means. (Be specific)

As seen in this example, you can be detailed, but have your list be as wide or narrow as you see fit. The choice is yours. The whole point of this exercise is to help you take a subjective look at your wants and needs, and an objective look at yourself. If you find that you are having difficulties filling out the fields on the list, take a moment to relax and remember that being honest (there’s no right or wrong answer) will help you uncover your desires.

Okay, so you’re feeling good about your list, and you’re feeling more confident about finding that "magical" person, then all of a sudden, everything comes to a halt – now you don’t feel so good about this list, and you don’t feel so confident about this "magical" person. Instead, you feel a sense of pity and frustration. Not to fret, these are natural feelings of anxiety due to the fact that you just opened up to YOURSELF!

Often, we [people] are told to "figure out what we want!", and to "get a clue!" Ironically, when we do, we then get labeled as "being too picky" or "being selfish". I see why so many people feel anxiety when it’s time for the truth to come out. We have been programmed to be in a constant state of confusion!! I am here to help break this cycle of perplexity with the notion that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING STANDARDS. As I always say, "misunderstanding just one word may cause you to misunderstand a whole purpose" (LeNia Jones). This proves its point here.

A "standard" is nothing more than a "scale" or "level" by which something is to be measured. The only reasonable time to not measure something by a standard is during a time of desperation where anything and everything will do (and let’s face it, if you are that desperate, don’t even bother making a list).

Accept your wants and needs as they are, and more importantly, accept yourself as you are. There’s no need to be discouraged by wanting to be with someone who fits your liking and who holds standards for themselves – it’s a good thing! Simultaneously, your standards do not have to be set in stone as to hinder you from your personal change and growth. It’s best to remain open to the fact that your list will change/develop as you do. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with having this list as reference point.

To recap - before you decide to find that special someone who is "compatible" with you, grasp and fully embrace the meaning of the word. Next, make a list of your personal preferences for what you want in a mate. Put your list in the form of a ‘Negotiable/Non-Negotiable’ table and don’t forget to be honest and specific. Lastly, be sure to rid yourself of any fears that you are going to miss out on "true love" due to a list preferences. Your list should be used only as your guide. In the end, you mind, your heart, and your intuition will lead the way.

"When you don’t know, you have the opportunity to learn; when you do know, you have the opportunity to teach; either way, you have an opportunity to do something" (LeNia Jones)