General: Sterno's Talkin' Smack -- Episode #42

Sterno's Talkin' Smack. No holding back here. It's all trash, all the time. Welcome to a fun filled Thursday edition of the gala.

Today we will discuss the sport or lack thereof, known as NASCAR, the New York Giants state of mind having Jim Fassel losing his, and USA Basketball.

Smack This: NASCAR -- Okay, this is the first and last time that I will ever talk about the "sport," of NASCAR. It takes a story like the one that has developed between Jimmy Spencer and Kurt Busch, to get me to talk about these dopes who spend their life in a death defying circle.

However, to me, there's nothing like a good fight. Without it hockey would be figure skating, and Ultimate Fighting would be boxing. In NASCAR, well anything involving violence would help. Come on, who are the people that sit day in and day out rooting for these guys? Have you met them? Yeah, they seem pretty normal, don't they? The only difference is that apparently to them, it's fun to stare at a screen and not be able to identify with a freaking thing that is going on.

Here's what I mean. When you watch baseball, it's great, because you can teach your kids the game, or remember your own days in little league. When you watch football, you remember the "midget league," you played in, or the way your high school would party after the homecoming game. I hate golf, but in that sport, we can all relate, because we all either play, or kiss the asses of people that do.

But, what about NASCAR? Have you ever driven a couple hundred miles an hour, in a circle no less? How about over, and over, and over again? No, I didn't think so. Maybe to learn more about the fun of the sport, I should go do race somewhere? Hmmm, no thanks. Now, hating someone's guts, and wanting to pummel them? That, I can relate to.

In case you haven't heard, and most of you I am sure have not, Jimmy Spencer, who drives one of the cars, and that's about all I know, beat fellow driver Kurt Busch to a pulp, after an incident during one of those boring 16-hour races.

Apparently, Busch was caught on his radio telling his crew that he tried to hit Spencer during the race and making jokes about it. Although I can't go into much detail, there is some sort of history between the two. Anyway, so Spencer pulls into the garage behind Busch and slams into his car. Then, and it gets better, he jumped out of his car, walked over to Busch's and proceeded to punch him square in the face.

Now, that's action. That's excitement. If these guys chased each other around, only to fight, that would make for great television. Never the less, Spencer was fined and suspended by NASCAR for the incident, when I think he should have been applauded.

An appeal has been filed on Spencer's behalf. Spencer's argument, to be heard by the National Stock Car Racing Commission, will be based upon Busch's intent during the race and comments in the past. However, something tells me that it still isn't okay to kick the crap out of one of the other guys. But, if it is, get back to me, because I will be watching.

Otherwise, I would rather watch Emeril.

NASCAR -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: New York Giants -- What in the heck are they feeding the Giants players up in Albany? Whatever it is, please stop, because the team is self-destructing at the seams, and it is only preseason.

A bunch of altercations at Giants camp yesterday stole the stage, and for once, Jeremy Shockey wasn't part of the drama. No, Jim Fassel was the one being dramatic, as he turned a fire engine red color that would scare any small children. Fassel was so pissed off, that he went to the extent to threaten to cut the next guy who got out of line.

So, what happened, you ask? Well, first, second year fullback Charles Stackhouse was in the line of fire, after he threw a punch at linebacker Dhani Jones. They wrestled for a while, and then Fassel ripped apart Stackhouse in front of the team.

"What were you thinking?" That was Fassel's cry. Mine too, by the way, considering the fact that Stackhouse can't block, run or catch worth a lick. Then, when Stackhouse, the twit, acted a bit obnoxious in response, Fassel went off! Fassel ordered Stackhouse to start running laps, and not to bother coming back. He told him to, "Get out!"

After the first scuffle, the main event, there were a couple of aftershocks that drove Fassel nuts.

"I told them, 'I already had to do three guys today and if I get one more today you're out of camp.'"

While I don't put any value into preseason records, as far as wins and losses are concerned, it is important to begin to gel as a team. When you are spending more time calling people gay, and fighting with your own teammates, it is not a good sign. There are some high expectations for this Giants group, especially with an office, that for the first time in years is explosive.

The question is whether or not the team's chemistry is too explosive to handle its talent. We shall soon see.

New York Giants Camp -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: USA Basketball -- We all remember the debacle in last year's championships. George Karl, the most overrated coach in the history of basketball, led the country's team, to a sixth place finish. In the world there is the USA, and then way down below, there is every other country, when it comes to basketball. Thinking about our country not winning the gold time in and time out is an absolute joke.

However, there was no joke about what happened. This year, as the USA prepares to qualify for the Olympics in Greece, things look to be different. One huge difference is the man behind the bench. Larry Brown is not only one the most prepared, and respected men in all of basketball, but he is one of the smartest. He will know much better, how to deal with the type of talent on this team, and make sure that they aren't overconfident, which they certainly were last year.

Another huge difference between this years team and last year's team, are the players. Last year, most of the great NBA stars backed out, because they saw the championships as more of a bother than anything else. Heaven forbid, they get hurt, and lose some of those precious millions. However, now that the games mean something, and will take a much more glamorous stage, here come all of our favorite patriots.

The team has the Tim Duncan, the Tracy McGrady, the Allen Iverson, and all the rest. Even the whining Jason Kidd will be a part of the festivities. Larry Brown has already instilled some real live passion into these guys, telling them on numerous occasions, that they should all take this very, very seriously.

Who knows or cares for that matter, whether or not this team is better than Dream Team one, two, or three. All I know is that if they don't destroy their competition, they should be embarrassed. On talent alone, with no effort put in to practicing, they can wipe the floor with all of these teams. Dirk Nowitski and Peja Stojakovic aside, there aren't even any guys that can compete!

USA Basketball -- Smacked!!!

One for the Road: How about Barry Bonds? What can you say? I hate the guy as you know. He is a complete jerk. However, you want to talk about a special athlete? Yikes! The guy comes back from caring for his ailing father, and in his first game, hits the game winner in the tenth inning. You have got to be kidding me. If he wins the World Series, I will not be a happy camper.

Hit me up with feedback at eSports (click the Write the Editor link) or on my homepage at http://www.suite101.com/myhome.cfm/theycallmethecloser. Come on and click that link already! You can't possibly agree with everything I say!

See ya' all next time folks! Until then, don't be the one that gets smacked!