Between Trapezes

By Gail Blanke
Published by Rodale
August 2004; $22.95US/$32.95CAN; 1-57954-928-4

Most of us are afraid of the in-between times -- those stretches between jobs, between lovers, between a past that is stifling our dreams and a future that is scarily, precariously unknown. We are so reluctant to face uncertainty that often we cling to a view of ourselves that we know can never allow us to soar, that keeps us from leaping headlong into an exuberant life.

But what if we could learn to embrace uncertainty and propel ourselves forward with a sense of curiosity and adventure, rather than anxiety and trepidation?

In Between Trapezes, Gail Blanke helps us to do just that. She shows us that the "in-between" can be the best of times. This practical and inspirational guide will enable us to let go without our safety nets and fly through life's transitions with the daring of the circus trapeze artist.

Between Trapezes exhorts us to reject the routine and predictable in favor of the courageous and the serendipitous. Blanke includes exercises and motivating tales of real people from all walks of life who summoned the courage to welcome a new start and create a whole new self, including practicing attorneys, out-of-work corporate executives, a Fortune 500 marketing officer, a New York City jazz guitarist, and Florida Senator Bob Graham.

With these stories, Blanke demonstrates that the real thrill in life is not in the landing; it's in the flying. She reminds us that falling is not the same as failing and that no one ever reaches those dizzying heights without taking a few plunges.

Author

Gail Blanke is a motivational speaker, executive coach, and president and CEO of Lifedesigns. Her mission is to enable people to thrive on change and master the art of self-reinvention in an unpredictable and insecure world. As the author of the best-selling In My Wildest Dreams: Simple Steps to a Fabulous Life, she has appeared on Oprah, and her work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Time, Redbook, and Ladies Home Journal.

Reviews

"Gail Blanke skillfully helps us work toward answers to those fundamental questions that all of us -- including journalists, business leaders, politicians, and actors -- face every day: How do we view ourselves, and how do others see us? Her insights give each of us more confidence as we move forward into the next phase of our lives."

--Bob Graham, United States Senator from Florida

"Gail Blanke reveals herself and her subjects through defining moments -- memorable, practical, inspiring stories of successful passages."

--Gail Sheehy, author of Passages and New Passages

"F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, 'There are no second acts in American lives.' In this wonderfully perceptive and inspirational book, Gail Blanke proves him wrong. She shows how, if you're willing to fly between trapezes, you can have a second act, a third act, a fourth act . . ."

--James K. Glassman, columnist for the Washington Post

"In Between Trapezes Gail Blanke convinces us that the moments when life is grim or uncertain are the exact moments when we can soar. She's very persuasive. Take that risk!"

--Donna Hanover, journalist, actress, and former first lady of the City of New York

"Letting go of the old 'trapeze' can be a pretty scary thought . . . when everything in us is telling us to just hang on. Gail Blanke shows us how to leap into that great unknown, embrace uncertainty, and discover the joy of self-reinvention."

--John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"If you think being an adventurer is a lot more fun than being a drudge, then Gail Blanke is your girl. Like a 21st-century Auntie Mame, she exhorts you to live and act -- which is what all great adventurers do until they've convinced themselves (and everybody else) that they know what they're doing. The trick is that Gail has opened the adventurer's playbook, so if you're not a natural-born adventurer, you can become one."

--Nancy Evans, cofounder of iVillage

"Gail, everything you do inspires awe and strikes chords that are so meaningful in our lives. And now, with Between Trapezes, you've given us the ultimate power tools."

--Donna Kalajian Lagani, senior vice-president and publishing director of Cosmopolitan

"In this time of incredible change, more and more of us will face times of extreme uncertainty in our jobs and family lives. Gail Blanke asks us to embrace the insecurity, the struggle, the adventure of being in-between. Her book gives sound advice on how to soar on this trapeze, land gracefully, and win what we want of life."

--Helen E. Fisher, Ph.D., anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of The First Sex

"I'm only thirty-nine pages into Between Trapezes, and I've had a Karmic Moment. You've already given me the gas to get my next big thing, Gail."

--Linda Bolliger, founder and CEO of Boardroom Bound

"The best mental makeover you can give yourself is to read Between Trapezes. Gail's insight is right on!"

--David Evangelista, renowned television personality and makeup artist

"Gail Blanke's inspiring book is about the exciting new life that awaits all of us. Her gift to you is courage, the courage to let loose and fly. She simply takes the fear out of failure. So what are we waiting for!"

--John Mack Carter, The Hearst Corporation

"Gail Blanke shows us how the periods of uncertainty we face can be fueled by imagination to help one's life take flight. She says, 'Let go, and see yourself soar!'"

--Kay Koplovitz, founder of USA Networks

"Applause all around for Gail Blanke, who provides us with a safety net of information, guidance, and empowerment as we dare to fly into the next phase of our lives -- whatever that may be. Between Trapezes is a must-read for anyone daring to create or reinvent a career and bounce back better than ever."

--Michele Weldon, assistant professor at the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University and author of Writing to Save Your Life

"If you are not living on the edge you are taking up too much room. Read Between Trapezes and learn how to live with insecurity, risk, and wonder."

--Nell Merlino, creative force behind Take Our Daughters to Work Day and president of Count-Me-In for Women's Economic Independence

"Gail Blanke . . . celebrates that electrifying moment when we have let go of one trapeze and have yet to grasp the next one. She shows us how to seize the moment as our own, embrace the possibilities, and take charge of our own lives. This is a timeless message, just right for our time."

--Philip A. Glotzbach, president of Skidmore College

Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from the book Between Trapezes: Flying into a New Life with the Greatest of Ease

by Gail Blanke

Published by Rodale; August 2004; $22.95US/$32.95CAN; 1-57954-928-4

Copyright © 2004 Gail Blanke

One More Defining Moment

Several years ago, I was fortunate to be invited by the Oprah Winfrey Show to talk about my new book, In My Wildest Dreams. Before the taping began, one of the producers met me in the green room and explained that they were taping opening segments for several other shows. Before I went on, Oprah would come to the green room and we would chat for about ten minutes. Then I'd go to the set, where there would be two big yellow chairs. Oprah would sit in one, and I'd sit in the other. We'd talk to the audience a bit, and then Oprah would start the show. "What I really want is energy, Gail, okay?" said the producer. "Energy. Badda-bing, badda-bang, badda-boom. Got it?"

She left the green room, and I sat there for an hour and a half. By myself. I remember wishing that I'd brought my book with me, so I could read it and remember what in God's name I had to say. Whatever made me think I could do this? I wondered, apprehensively watching the monitor. Oprah said that she hated her hair. And why, for that matter, while she was thinking about it, did she ever decide to wear this thick gray and yellow striped sweater? It made her look fat, she said. She also mentioned that she had bean soup for lunch, and you know how that makes you feel. You know how much the audience loves it when Oprah says what everyone else is thinking about themselves? But for me, all I could think about was how my energy was continuing to plummet. When it was time for me to go on, the producer explained that they were running late, so Oprah wouldn't have time to come back and chat. I walked out onto the set, where Oprah reclined in one of the big yellow chairs.

"Hi, I'm Gail," I said.

She shook my hand, looked at the director, and said three words that are now needlepointed onto a pillow in my office.

"Get the bench."

Huh? Get the bench? I wondered what on earth that meant, just as many years before, I'd wondered what did my mother mean when she said I was "the tailored type." And of course, being only human, my mind leapt to the worst-case scenario. This was undoubtedly some TV updated version of the old vaudeville saying, "Get the hook." Or this was probably producer lingo for, "I'm not doing this show with this chick."

While I continued to ponder these imponderables, growing more anxious and fretful by the minute, they took away the yellow chairs and Oprah said, "You sit on the bench. I'm going to sit in the audience."

The producer came over and, trying to pep me up, whispered, "I want a lot of energy, Gail. Badda-bing, badda-bang, badda-boom."

My whole life passed in front of me in about a second and a half. What on earth was I doing here anyway? What on earth ever made me think I was good enough to do an entire hour of Oprah?

Desperately determined to get my strength back, I asked myself the following questions: What am I doing here? What am I committed to? What am I out here for? I could have been committed to being right about the fact that it's not very nice to just put a woman on a bench. But I knew that in reality I was committed to making sure that everyone in that room, and everyone in that television audience, came away with a new sense of what was possible in their lives.

So what did I have to make "Get the bench" mean in order to make good on my commitment? I decided -- because I realized that I got to decide what it meant -- exactly what it meant, in this moment, now. "Get the bench" meant "Oprah trusts you. Go ahead, Gail. Take the show." If Oprah trusts me, who am I not to trust myself?

And so I did.

Within moments, both Oprah and I were out of our seats and into the audience, keeping not only my commitment but hers: that people leave the show with a new sense of what was possible in their lives. In the end, Oprah embraced me as only Oprah can. An embrace from Oprah is a defining moment.

But I had learned something important, a lesson that you can say a hundred times but that you have to live before it really sinks in. Ultimately, it didn't matter what Oprah thought "Get the bench" meant. It mattered what I made it mean.

We get to create our own defining moments, which clarify who we are in ways that make us better and stronger and smarter and happier than we have ever felt before in our lives. It was I who left that room that day more aware of the possibilities out there in my own life. That is why I am writing this book -- and doing my best to keep living it, ever minute of the day. We all have our defining moments, which tell us who we really are, not what other people want us to be.

Exercise One: See the New Trapeze

Ask yourself, "If absolutely anything were possible, what would I love to have happen?" Not what would be nice, or what seems reasonable. Forget reasonable. Think big. What would I love to do? Whom would I love to be? How good could it be? Write the answer to these questions in a spiral-bound notebook that you use exclusively with this book. Your "Flight Log" will be critical to helping you discover your new life.

Exercise Two: Tell the Story of Your Life

Write a story describing a day in your ideal life. Start with, "Once there was a thirty-six-year-old woman who lived in Chicago. She was a producer for an award-winning news program. Every day she . . ."

"Once there was a fifty-eight-year-old man who lived on a ranch in Montana with his horses and a fabulous woman who loved him a lot. Each day they rode into the mountains and . . ."

Where do you live? Where do you work? Who else is in your life? Start with the time you wake up, and describe the day in as much detail as possible -- right down to what you have for lunch and when you take the dog for a walk. The more clearly you see your castle, the more inspiring your journey to it will be.

Exercise Three: Cast Yourself Against Type

Examine the negative assumptions you've been carrying around about yourself. Trapeze artists have a saying, "Fat Don't Fly." They don't mean body fat, they mean brain fat. "I'm not the salesman type. I'm not the flirtatious type. I'm not the type to stand up in front of people and speak." "I'm the shy type." "I'm not the political type." Who made up all that stuff? Did you or did someone else? It doesn't really matter. The important thing is to drop these assumptions if they don't serve you.

You're not a type. You are a living, breathing organism full of stunning surprises and bold actions. So just for fun, do something that is decidedly against your "type." If you are the shy and retiring type, show up at an event you'd typically skip and -- as the "gregarious type" -- introduce yourself to everyone there. If you are the self-deprecating type, catch yourself whenever you deflect a compliment by putting yourself down. Substitute a gracious, secure, and reaffirming response.

To you: "I thought that was a great presentation last week. I got a lot out of it."

Old response: "Really? I thought I was a little bit off."

New response: "Thanks, that means a lot to me."

Reprinted from: Between Trapezes: Flying into a New Life with the Greatest of Ease by Gail Blanke © 2004 by Gail Blanke. Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098. Available wherever books are sold or directly from the publisher by calling (800) 848-4735 or visit their website at www.rodalestore.com.

For more information, please visit Gail Blanke's Web site, www.betweentrapezes.com, or www.writtenvoices.com