Worry Is Ageless

All humans are contemplative by nature. We just vary on how much we engage in internal awareness and the style of self awareness. Self awareness is the ability to directly observe our thoughts, emotions and sensations. Psychologists often call this human activity introspection or insight.

Psychotherapists have historically relied on helping their clients increase personal insight. In fact, this method of therapy has previously been the mainstay for obtaining behavior change. Unfortunately, it has never had a good track record. Not only does it take far too long to obtain results, it is often no more effective than a placebo or even no therapy at all. In the middle of the last century, researchers began to compare the success of insight therapy with the results of talking to bartenders and hair dressers. The results were shocking — they found no difference between the two approaches (professional vs. amateur) for helping people.

Recently, one of the scientific approaches to psychotherapy, cognitive psychology, found a way to improve on the method of insight therapy. Cognitive therapists now show their clients what to do with the insight and (Syntax?)help which helps them improve their lives far beyond the older style therapy.

As we point out in our upcoming book, "What the Hell Was I Thinking?: Defeating Destructive Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors", there are two styles of introspection: worry and concern. The first is sometimes known as contemplation, the second as rumination. Worry is a thought pattern that becomes focused on negative events or the negative interpretation of events. To make matters worse, worry concentrates on events which are out of one’s control. Worry is one of the major sources of a poor quality of life. It increases or even causes such debilitating emotions as depression, guilt, and clinical anxiety, to name a few.

On the other hand concern, involves a more realistic understanding of the world, both inside and out. This type of introspection brings about a higher quality of life and greater emotional well-being. Our book will tell you how to switch from worry to concern using the strategies developed by cognitive psychology.

One of the most distressing aspects of worry is that it often become apparent at an early age. Growing up is hard enough without being burdened down with excessive mental baggage. Each new generation worries about life in ways that their parents never experienced. A survey of 1,023 children ages 10 to 13 was sponsored by KidsPeace (an organization which helps kids learn skills for overcoming crises) and conducted by Barna Research, a business that provides primary research for church ministries.

The results of this survey are troublesome but encouraging. About two-thirds of the children worried that their parents might die prematurely. Other worries included:

• Doing poorly in school (57%)
• Getting AIDS (54%)
• Becoming poverty stricken (53%)
• Dying too young (51%)
• Being kidnapped (50%)

The good news is that almost all the children (93%) were convinced they were loved by their parents. Consequently, a majority of them said they would go to their parents for advice on drugs (72%), sex (63%), and alcohol (72%). Not surprisingly, both boys and girls were more likely to talk about their troubles with their mothers rather than with their dads.

What can parents do about these worries? First of all, make certain that your children know you love them regardless of what they do. You want them to know that no matter how much their behavior upsets you, they are still worthy of your love. Secondly, be available — which means easing up on interrogations and putting more emphasis on listening non-judgmentally to whatever your child says. Our rule-of-thumb for parents is the following: the more serious the problem is for your child, the less you talk and the more you listen empathically.

Connection Is More Important than Correction.

http://www.renewingyourmind.us