General: No Excuses 5

I recently turned 18. It's not about buying porn, smoking cigarettes or staying up late: it's all about entering those contests at ESPN.com, baby!

* "Yao" friend (not "the" Yao, but my friend Yao) moved up to Berkeley yesterday. A couple days ago he told me he was disappointed that he wouldn't be able to see Gilbert Arenas play. Looks like he won't be seeing Antawn Jamison neither. What a great move for the Mavericks. A starting lineup that consists of Raef LaFrentz, Dirk Nowitzki (when he's not drunk and posing for pictures), Jamison, Michael Finley and Steve Nash is formidable against any team in the west.

* It doesn't even matter that the game was between the Oakland Raiders and the San Francisco 49ers; preseason football should never, EVER, be broadcast during primetime. Sit down Marques Tuiasosopo. If I don't want to see you in the regular season, what makes you think I want to see you instead of Abraham Simpson?

* Speaking of football, Madden 2004 has been unleashed to the public. EA Sport's newest rendition has received tremendous reviews for its amazing graphics, realistic game play and improved "Owner Mode." Maybe it's time to update my video football from Madden '94. Then again, I could always fold paper into a little triangle and flick it back and forth.

* Why do all Asian females between the ages 13-25 always give that look to the camera? They seriously think they're all models or something. It's a strange phenomenon. If you don't know what I'm talking about check out one of those "rate me" web sites and peruse through all the pictures of Asian girls... not that yours truly would ever resort to secretly gawking at beautiful women from a safe haven. Trust me, I don't live inside the Eagles' visiting locker room.

* So California is in the midst of a bizarro recall due to its struggling economy. It's only a matter of time before people discover than Arnold is a substantial stockholder in Skynet Corporation. Then what? Who's going to take care of this troubled land? Recently I read the profiles of many of the candidates/idiots running for governor. Most of them are either trying to gain some publicity or peddle their crappy merchandise. What has the golden state been reduced to? Where is it going? With all the uncertainties around people in my situation, at least it's nice to know that I can wake up at 10 o'clock and watch a Cubs game. It's the little things in life: cable television, baseball in the morning, electricity...

* I've had exactly one haircut this entire summer. I had the Flock of Seagulls look going on before going to the barber. With looks like that there's no definitely no excuse not to run so far away from me.