Poker: Celebrity Poker Showdown
Tournament 3 Championship - Poker On The Edge

What's a girl like me to do?

The World Poker Tour has long lapsed into repeats of a second season that had its highs and lows. The World Series of Poker's main event won't even air until the 17th. If you need a poker fix, you're almost out of luck. Never fear, because here comes the awaited third championship game of Bravo's "Celebrity Poker Showdown." And this isn't Mike Sexton's championship, because we've got a co-host who might be a bit tipsy, a co-host who owns Vince Van Patten's commentary, and a tournament director who'll smack you with his microphone.

Not to mention "Scary Dave" Navarro ("I'm a rock musician, so I'm not good with numbers"), crazy David Cross (actually wearing something normal for a change), and the incredibly funny Seth Meyers, plus hotshot Jeff Gordon ("I'm a race car driver, I don't know math") and the perpetually beleaguered Steve Harris ("I'm an actor, I can count!").

Of course, if you've been following the whole "Celebrity Poker Showdown" season, you know that one recurring theme is that I've second-guessed myself to the point where I can't pick a winner. I went blindly and would've picked Seth Meyers, whom I think is a genuinely funny guy, but I figured since I'm always wrong, I may as well just shoot in the dark, so I went for Jeff Gordon. Guess what happened?

After "Scary Dave" took an early chip lead courtesy of most of Steve Harris's money, Jeff found himself short-stacked and went all-in holding K-5 against Dave's J-9. Unfortunately for him, Dave flopped a pair of nines (3-9-6). More unfortunately, the turn was a 5, landing him in a nasty situation. The 6 on the river didn't do a thing and Gordon went crashing into the Losers' Lounge. You can imagine how smart I felt right then.

All in all it was a fairly funny night, as Tournament Director Bob helped our mathematically-challenged friends by referring to the chips by color in the way you think they might on Sesame Street (and he kept a straight face throughout). Things got weird when David asked his bracelet for advice and Seth followed by talking to his watch. It got weirder when somebody stupidly gave David a banana. Yeah, let's give the crazy man ammunition.

The crazy man didn't last much longer though, the next victim of "Scary Dave" and his good poker (plus, you know, just being intimidating). He held K-10, but Dave had pocket 5's. After the board went 3-9-6, Dave got a set on the turn, and the 6 on the river gave him a full house. David was done (but not before Steve gave him a dollar).

This lead to the hilarious Losers' Lounge moment of the night, as Phil yelled across the room at Jeff, telling him to move over. Anyone confused as to why Phil was yelling at somebody feet away from him got a big clue when the camera cut to Jeff in mid-conversation with the cocktail waitress and just a little bit startled.

Back at the table, at one point Steve actually told Seth his hand after Seth said "There's no way he could've flopped three sixes." Steve corrected him: "Just between you and me, yes, he did." Only someone as well mannered as Steve Harris, folks. You know, I met his brother (Wood Harris, who played Julius in "Remember The Titans," one of my favorite movies) earlier this year in Los Angeles, and these have to be two of the nicest guys in the known universe, not to mention very good at what they do.

Steve was on a roll, too, having battled back from the severely short stack and just refusing to die. He was another victim of just plain bad luck rather than bad poker: holding pocket kings against Seth's A-2, he looked like a huge favorite. Seth flopped a pair of aces, however, as the board went 3-A-Q-3-Q.

Hilarious Losers' Lounge moment number two: Dave asked Steve what his charity, Kids First, does, and Steve made the wonderfully sardonic comment about them educating children so they don't wear hideous shirts like the one Dave was wearing. Sitting on my couch, I about spit my soda.

Not to be outdone, however, Phil produced the Phil Gordon moment of the night as Jeff jokingly insisted that if Bravo were concerned with ratings they would've left him out there. Phil told Jeff "Dave Navarro is much more popular." Unfortunately, he said it as he was talking over David, so the next thing America heard was Seth Meyers calling, "Keep your voice down, Phil Gordon!"

On the felt, however, it was now down to "Scary Dave" Navarro and Seth "Not Preston" Meyers (in a random factoid, the winners of the first and last "CPS" tables). They were virtually even in chips, with Seth having only a slight chip lead as it came down to heads-up competition. However, in a grand stroke of the universe mocking me yet again, Seth's A-K beat Dave's K-10 when the board went 8-8-10-A-3. Me and Dave Navarro were both promptly wondering which cosmic force we'd offended as Seth Meyers proved I should've stayed with picking him.

It's now been three "Celebrity Poker Showdown" tournaments (and there'll be a fourth) full of wild and crazy adventures, strange and sometimes amazing poker, and unpredictable humor. I can also say that it's been the most fun I've ever had watching poker on TV (whether that sentence is an oxymoron or not). What have we learned? Well, for one, I've developed a sudden dislike of bananas, and the most painful sentence in modern English is "suck-out on the river" (either that or "Hello, I'm Clive Anderson").

Here's to tournament four and more insanity.