General: Sterno's Talkin' Smack -- Episode #35

Sterno's Talkin' smack. No holding back here. It's all trash, all the time. Welcome to the Monday morning edition.

After as busy weekend, I am here to smack the life out of returnee Raul Mondesi, The New Jersey Nets, and the outrageous Jeremy Shockey.

Smack This: Raul Mondesi -- Oh Raul, how you make my column a merry one. We've talked about the tears you shed as Yankee manager Joe Torre pinch hit for you against Boston. Who can say why you were taken out in favor of Ruben Sierra, considering the fact that you hadn't hit the ball in almost a month prior to the incident? You decided to run out of the stadium like a cry baby and call your mommy. Aw, isn't that cute?

Then, the Yankee's rightfully got rid of you as quickly as possible. True to form though, you aren't finished with them yet. No, Mr. Mondesi decided to pull a Jose Canseco this past weekend. No, he didn't shoot a boatload of steroids in his ass. He is playing the race card.

"Only Soriano and me. Where we from? The Dominican Republic. Why didn't they do that to Giambi when he was hitting .120? He was there batting third, third, third. He found his way, and now he's fine."

Interesting, Raul. Very interesting! First of all, you idiot, Giambi had an eye problem that would have made you cry like a pansy, yet he was toughing it out. Second, Giambi is one of the premier hitters in all of baseball, and his reputation alone, is worth sticking with him throughout any slump. Third, you are an idiot! Did I mention that already?

As far as the Dominican Republic thing, spare me. Between Jose Canseco and his crap with Major league Baseball not allowing him to succeed because he was Hispanic, and Gary Sheffield's constant claim about the MLB still discriminating against all minorities, I have had enough.

Luckily, Alfonso Soriano came out to make comments of his own.

"For me, I feel comfortable here," Soriano told the Post. "I don't know what happened to him here."

As for why Mondesi was finally traded, he says it is because he wanted to be, and not the Yankee's choice.

"If they say they traded me because I left the team, it's not true," Mondesi told the Times Friday in Phoenix. "They traded me because I told my agent for them to trade me. I said, 'If you want me to respect you, you have to respect me.' When Joe sent Ruben Sierra to hit for me, he didn't tell me. He sat right next to me and I was next to him and he didn't say anything."

What??? Are you kidding me??? Raul. The Yankees don't need you. They never needed you. You've been dealt what seems like a hundred times in your short and lack luster career, and you're reputation is as that of a bumb. Just ask Brian Cashman.

"His credibility is pretty much down to zero," Cashman told the newspaper. "How can I react to nonsense? I can't react to nonsense and it just reinforces the move we made was the best thing."

Maybe Mr. Mondesi should try acting. He's a better drama queen than he is a baseball player!

Mondesi -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: New Jersey Nets -- Jason Kidd took up all the press during the NBA Finals. He took up all of the press afterwards, with his bait and hook mentality as to his contract. However, he was outplayed for most of the playoffs, by his teammate, and emerging superstar, Kenyon Martin. Now, they may never play together again.

Kenyon Martin has done what the NBA has asked, always. When he was in college, he was the best player in the nation. Then, when he got hurt before the NCAA Tournament, people all over the league wrote him off as a future NBA star. Martin defied the odds, and worked his tail off day in and day out to get back to full health.

Then, in his rookie year, he was too volatile. He was a Dennis Rodman in training to some, and a bright star to others. Martin, listening to his coaching staff, as well as all of his critics, calmed down his antics. He also stepped up his game.

In the 2003 playoffs, he put himself on the map, officially. He was tough. He was strong. He was controlled. Coming off that kind of year, he should have had the lights on him. However, Jason Kidd stole them all.

Jason Kidd forgot about Mr. Martin, and Richard Jefferson, and their emergence. He only cared about the money. That was fine, though. The Nets gave in. They begged. They clawed. They gave him every last dime they had. Heck, they even signed Alonzo Mourning to a four year deal, even though me may only play about a month before his health gets the best of him again.(Obviously we hope otherwise as human beings)

So, surely, they had to give Martin anything he wanted, right? Rod Thorne could do whatever he wanted. Just pay the man! But, that just isn't the case. Now, the Nets are faced with the fact that Martin wants out, and bad.

I applaud what Kenyon is doing. He deserves the max money he is looking for, because when you factor in his long term growth, and potential, he will surely be worth every dime. Hell, they will save some cash by getting him signed up now. The problem is, that the Nets got so obsessed with Kidd that they forgot about the hardest worker on the team.

Now, instead of working things out, or begging like they did with Kidd, they are talking trade? Why? How did Kenyon fall so out of favor? I just don't get it. To me, Kidd has something to do with this. I am so, so sick of Jason Kidd that I cannot tell you. If Jumanna and or her friends are reading this, your husband is a baby, and I hope his crib falls on its own ass. Got me?

To make matters more ridiculous for Jersey, the Nets are talking about dealing him to the "Jail-Blazers," in a deal for Rasheed Wallace. Yeah, that's smart guys! Considering, that Wallace is Martin times ten on the antics meter. I hope they do deal him, and Martin takes his game to another level.

Good Luck Kenyon.

New Jersey Nets -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: Jeremy Shockey -- Okay, I am not going to spend that much time on this, because every sports talk radio station in the land, and every television station, has sickened all of us with this story. However, I will give you my thoughts on the subject.

First of all, I love Jeremy Shockey. I am a Giants fan and a Shockey fan. How can you not love a guy who's not afraid to say what he feels, a time where people are always quiet. To add to that, he backs it up big time. He is already the best tight end in the entire league, after only one season on the job. He's just that good.

He is a leader on the field. He brings emotion to his team, game in and game out, and he is full of talent. Okay, that being said, shut the heck up Jeremy! You haven't done anything in this league, and the man who you trashed this time, happens to be like a god of sorts, to the thousands of fans that fill the seats in the stadium you play in.

In New York and New Jersey, Bill Parcells, is a legend. Never, ever screw around with a guy at that status.

Now, to the comments. Everyone wants to focus on the fact that Shockey calls Bill a homo, but a lot of the other things he said are true. No, Shockey probably had no idea that nothing is safe with a reporter in the room, but how dumb can you be? Parcells is a quitter, never makes up his mind, and gets a lot of us sick. Just don't say it in an interview, please. For your own sake, Jeremy!

As for the "homo," thing, he didn't mean gay. I call people that sometimes, meaning stupid or referring to loser. Yeah, I'm man enough to say it. I have absolutely no problem with homosexuality. I don't want any part of it, but who am I to tell people how to act? I just don't think by saying that word, that Shockey was referring to Bill's sexual preference. I have had enough with these activist, and rights groups, talking about this. This was NOT that kind of deal. Go away!

Jim Fassell, coach of the Giants, was quite pissed about all of this. His comments have certainly made Shockey a little hesitant regarding future comments.

"Sometimes I have to learn the hard way," Shockey said. "Sometimes that's the best way and I am going to be as plain as possible. You'll probably never hear me say an outrageous thing ever again. I'll probably never talk to you again."

Good idea! Make the catches, and keep your talk for the field. I will say though, that a ton of players who play against Shockey, including a couple of Eagles, were seen making positive comments about Jeremy Shockey. He may have lost a ton of respect with his mouth, but he has quickly gained a ton, with his play.

Not everyone was happy, though. I leave this story with a comment from Parcells' longtime friend, Bobby Knight.

"You can't even consider a reaction to some garbage like that," Knight said. "That is just beyond anything you need to recognize. Was that the same team (Shockey's Giants) that had a 28-7 lead over the 49ers last year and then got beat? ... I'm not sure that has ever happened to Parcells. What else do you want to talk about?"

That was classic!

Jeremy Shockey -- Smacked!!!

One for the Road: I didn't want to dedicate much time to the arrival of Armando Benitez to Seattle, because quite frankly, you and I are sick of him already.

However, I had to mention, that it took Benitez all of a couple of hours, to piss off his new Mariners teammates. Bret Boone out it best when he said, "Nice of you to join us!"

I sense some sarcasm, don't you? Yeah, well while Benitez watched his new team on television against Cleveland, Jeff Nelson, who had a longer flight, was being welcomed by his new teammates!

Nice going, jerky!

Hit me up with feedback at eSports (click the Write the Editor link) or on my homepage at http://www.suite101.com/myhome.cfm/theycallmethecloser. Come on and click that link already! You can't possibly agree with everything I say!

I'll see you all on Tuesday. Til' then, DON'T be the one who's smacked!