Poker: Celebrity Poker Showdown
Game #3.5 -- Not-so-simple minds

I spent a few years as a stand-up comedienne, after a friend encouraged me to give it a go and I actually ended up being good at it. One of the things you most often hear in those circles, especially from people who don't know better, is that comics are a little bit crazy.

You certainly wouldn't get any evidence to the contrary in Thursday's critical last Tournament 3 regular game of "Celebrity Poker Showdown," which featured "Saturday Night Live" alumni Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, stand-up comic Jeff Ross, "Simpsons" funnyman Hank Azaria and actress Gail O'Grady.

Next week, after all, would send the night's winner head-to-head with previous table winners Dave Navarro, Jeff Gordon, Steve Harris, and David Cross.

Hank Azaria was out for blood. Having been eliminated first in his Tournament 1 appearance, he was determined to prove that he was actually a good poker player and avoid going out first again. In a big stroke of cosmic sadism, you can guess what happened to him.

Short-stacked, he matched A-7 against Amy Poehler's Q-J of spades. The flop was 5 of spades, 3 of spades, queen of hearts, giving Amy a flush draw but nothing to beat Hank's ace high yet. Unfortunately for Hank, though, the K-2 on the turn and river were both spades, making Amy a flush and making Hank the first victim on the night. It goes to show you that even the best players need a little luck now and then to stay alive.

Hank, perfectly understandably, didn't take it well.

First, he started playing around with the giant dice in the Losers' Lounge and generally being bitter. Then he could be seen wandering around lost in the background behind Phil and Dave's desk, feeling the wall like a blind guy. Then in the middle of one of the host segments, he actually walked in front of the camera and came back with one of the camera tripods for no apparent reason. Then he started throwing something at Dave. You couldn't help but laugh at the hilarity and sympathize with the bitterness.

It also helps in poker if you can do math, as Gail soon learned.

Holding A-8 against Seth's pocket aces after a 9-10-9 flop, she called his $2,000 bet with absolutely nothing. To the bewilderment of everyone else, with a 7-4 turn, he kept betting and she kept calling. He was able to take over a large portion of her stack, and the shocked look on her face revealed she had actually legitimately thought she had a straight. However, having only four cards (she needed a six or a jack), she was just a little off in her thinking, and shortly Hank had some company to hopefully lighten his mood.

By now I was cheering for somebody to knock off the incredibly insensitive, unfunny and downright irritating Jeff Ross, but no such luck. The next victim was my pick to win, Amy Poehler.

Holding K-10 against castmate Seth's A-8, she was dead on the flop of 9-5-A. However, her biggest mistake was that of a lot of "Celebrity Poker Showdown" players: Do not listen to what the audience tells you. The crowd urged her to go all-in and she did, her bluff failing when a Q-8 remainder of the board gave Seth two pair.

This left Seth Meyers with an overwhelming chip lead against the incredibly spineless and generally bewildering Jeff Ross, who pretty much folded if you poked him and wouldn't know aggressive poker if it came up behind him and hit him with a Mag-Lite flashlight. It also provided the comedic highlight of the night. Seth told Tournament Director Bob to tell Jeff that he was being "completely unreasonable."

Bob, without missing a beat, turns to Jeff and tells him that "You're being an asshole."

Ladies and gentlemen, Tournament Director Bob has just been bleeped. You've got to love the honesty of Robert Thompson, who has to be my favorite tournament director ever, if one can have favorite tournament directors (hey, I guess if we can have favorite Adam Sandler movies, we can have favorite tournament directors).

After a little back-and-forth between the two, they match pretty even hands: Seth with A-J to Jeff's K-Q. The flop is a meaningless 7-5-2, but they are all hearts, giving Seth a flush draw. It's the turn, which is a jack and pairs Seth, that kills Jeff, and the seven only gives Seth two pair. Out of nowhere, the "SNL" funnyman (who reminds me of a lot of the guys I hung out with in high school, strangely) delivered a smackdown to the acerbic stand-up comic.

Now you have it, folks -- our "Celebrity Poker Showdown" final table: Dave Navarro, Jeff Gordon, David Cross, Steve Harris and Seth Meyers. Not exactly who we all expected, was it? (Well, maybe the David Cross part, since we've been down that road before, if you want to talk about crazy.) All that remains to be seen is which of them we have left at the end, and which one of them will be walking around in a daze stealing camera tripods...