General: Sterno's Talkin' Smack -- Episode #13

Sterno's Talkin' smack. No holding back here. It's all trash, all the time. Welcome to the Monday morning edition. Enough chit chat, let's get started.

Smack This: Martina Navratilova -- Just a quickie to open it up this morning. Did you happen to hear the thoughts and theories over the past weekend from ex-tennis superstar Martina Navratilova. Yes, the same woman who is more known for her bad accent and coming out of the closet, than her tennis exploits, spoke as to the talent of the Williams sisters.

In speaking about the Williams' sisters, Martina mentioned their weaknesses and that if she were playing in this day and age, how she would conquer all... so to speak. Um, excuse me, the tennis novice, for saying this, but you couldn't hold a candle to these two.

The Williams sisters are stronger, faster, and overall better athletes than the women of the Chris Evert Lloyd era. Why do you think the Martina Hingis' and Monica Seles' of the world saw their careers go down stream following the Williams' arrival?

It's like a couple of track star, football player types, going head to head against a bunch of petite little girls. Quite frankly, these two have changed the sport of Tennis as we know it.

Martina Navratilova -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: Shawn Green --Shawn Green has been a complete waste in a lineup that has exemplified exactly that this season. The Los Angeles Dodgers lead the National League in earned run average, and relief pitching, yet are mired in a season long hitting slump that has finally caught up to their win loss record.

At the forefront of this mess has been Shawn Green. Green who is hitting a pitiful .248, with nine homeruns, has occupied a gaping hole in the Dodger lineup all year. A classic slow starter, Green hasn't gotten the engine going in the least bit, and has looked terrible.

A culmination of his pathetic first half, occurred this past Saturday when Odalis Perez took a no hitter into the eighth inning against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Shea Hillenbrand hit a blooper that approached Green rather slowly, and instead of attacking the ball, Green waited on it, and allowed it to drop in. Whether he decided to run harder, dive, or at least pretend that he cared about the game, or the no hitter, Green should have done something.

Instead, he looked completely lethargic going after the ball, and deservedly got ripped by the home crowd during his plate appearance at the bottom of the inning.

"I dive all the time, so if I had any chance I would have dove for it -- especially with a no-hitter on the line," Green said. "But it was too far away. I was going full-speed, but I'm not going to dive and miss the ball by 8-10 feet and have the guy go to second base -- regardless of how people are going to react. That's false hustle. I'm not going to put on a show. That's ridiculous."

Shawn, stop crying and face the facts. You are a pretty boy, you show absolutely no emotion, and if you don't start hitting soon, you will be in a doghouse you will never be able to climb out of.

Shawn Green -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: The Best Rivalry in Baseball -- There is simply nothing better in all of baseball than the rivalry between the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. Ah, the curse. Still going strong... or is it?

A couple of things that really catch my interest here. First to the Yankees. During the first two games of this weekend's series, the Yankees were outscored by a nasty margin of 20-5. Two "aces" for the Yankees, in Roger Clemens and David Wells, were both shown the door after getting rocked by the highly effective lineup of the Boston Red Sox.

Are people really that surprised that Clemens is showing some vulnerability? He and Wells are both closer to the old age home than their rookie seasons, and after throwing game in and game out over the first half of the year, they are beginning to show some wear and tear.

Point blank, the Red Sox bats were on fire. Home runs came in bunches and gave the sad Yankee fans a neck strain as they kissed the balls goodbye. However, it is only two games, which brings me to the Boston fans.

Every year it is the same sad tale that the Sox fans tell. "This year is different," they say. Why is this year any different exactly? Their is absolutely no hope for that sickening bullpen, the starters are inconsistent at best excluding Pedro Martinez and Derek Lowe, and the annual choking month in Boston is only two months away.

Yes, that's right folks. September is coming! Every September, the Boston Red Sox crash down to earth and begin their six months of crying before the cycle starts over again. As someone I knew once put it, "Being a Boston fan and living with the curse is like being the guy who is friends with all the hot girls, but never dates any. You know them well, and you are close enough to touch them, but in the end you just aren't good enough!"

The Best Rivalry in Baseball -- Smacked!!!

One for the Road: Kudos to Lou Pinella. Sure the Tampa Bay Devil Rays lose a ton of games, and they do not exactly have a postseason to look forward to, but "Sweet Lou" is still going strong. This past weekend, Pinella dyed his hair blonde in tribute to his team winning three games in a row. I thought that was great. The D'Rays aren't going anywhere this season, but at least Lou is still making baseball fun. If you are not Ben Grieve that is!

Hit me up with feedback at eSports (click the Write the Editor link) or on my homepage at: http://www.suite101.com/myhome.cfm/theycallmethecloser.

I will see you Tuesday for what should be a whole lot of trash... till then, don't be the one who's smacked!!!