K is the key

If the kappa fits, don't knock it.

Is K special? Breakfast cereals aside, there are grounds for suspicion. Modern history has been warped by wars and other unpleasantnesses curiously linked by K-words. From Kuwait in 1990 to Kabul in 2001, the Ks have it. Kosovo erupted in 1998, giving birth to K-for. Kashmir blows up every other month. In Kathmandu, right-royal trouble brews in the remote shadow of K2. The US supplied triple K, as in Ku Klux Klan, and 100k, as in fat cats' bonuses. It is true that the Kuomintang is kaput and that Kampuchea has been thankfully renamed. But the Koreas still give cause for concern. Who can tell what kismetic kinesis awaits Kenya, in thrall to Gaullist Arap Moi (après Moi, dit-il, le déluge), or Turkey's Kurds or Caledonia's Kanaks or the Congo's Kongo? From Iran's holy city of Qom, rogue statesmen Khamenei and Khatami, whom Dubya dubs evil axles, recycle the Koranic way. Khartoum, too, is a problem once more, for all Kerry-born Lord Kitchener's killing sprees. While the kommunisticheskii Kremlin has caved, strategists still lose kip over Kazakhstan and Kaliningrad (formerly Königsberg). Nor is this K-phenomenon newly-wrought. Roman caesar gave rise to German kaiser, with many intervening homicidal kings, khans and krakens. In Hindu lore, Shiva's wife, object of thuggee sacrifice, is Kali, the goddess of destruction. Kafka's persecuted Josef K symbolises the problem. Arthur's chivalrous Sir Kay is as good as it gets.

The new century requires kinder, gentler, more softly spoken K's, as in western Australia's outstanding Knobbly Head. Knutsford, Knowle, Knightsbridge and Knorwich are models for this campaign. In people terms, Koo and Ken were a start; now there is Kate (as in Bush, Winslet and Hoey); and, at bottom, Kylie. Looming large on the nation's horizon is Camilla. Virgil says Camilla was a virgin queen who walked on water. Nothing new there then. Be kool. Be kalm. Beware the kamikaze K's. This way lies karma.