When coaches & parents clash -- involvement or interference

Parental involvement in a child's extracurricular activities is essential to the well roundness of the athlete. But when that parental involvement goes to the utmost of extremes, it will cause the athlete to fail. There is a very fine line between parental involvement and parental interference.

An article published in the June 16, 2000 edition of "The Detroit News" caught my attention. The article discussed the disturbing fact of parents interfering with their child's team. I am a high school baseball coach in Connecticut. I have only been coaching on the varsity level for five years and I have seen the best and worst of parents.

During my short tenure as a coach, I have been witness to a trend that is making my experience as a coach less satisfying. During the off-season, I spend countless hours of preparation for the upcoming season to make it as enjoyable as possible for my players. The majority of the parents of my players recognize and appreciate my efforts, but it's the minority who are disrespectful that I am forced to concentrate on.

This season has been by far the worst that I have ever seen. Last year my team had an incredible 20 wins and only five losses. I had a junior on my team who was more or less a role player and was not expected to be a star. This player's parents worshiped the ground I walked on and even went as far as saying that the school should name the field in my honor. But when it was their son's turn to become a senior, the team was not as successful as it was the previous year and their son was having a much less productive season. Without getting into details, there was an occasion when their child could have been arrested for his physical attack upon me. Being the forgiving person that I am, I allowed him to only serve a three-game suspension and stripped him of his captaincy. His parents not only disagreed with my lenient penalty, but they went as far as threatening my family's well being.

There are many occasions when a parent may not agree with a decision that a coach has made during a game. The right thing to do is to approach the coach at a convenient time and discuss why that decision had been made. But the disturbing trend seems to be that some parents are not satisfied with a coach's response and involve the athletic director or the school's administration. Dave Stavale, a basketball coach at Grosse Pointe North High School in Michigan said, "Most of my parents are wonderful, but you still sometimes get one in your face about why their Johnny isn't the team's star. It's very frustrating, and I know it's driving good coaches out."

As mentioned earlier, there is a very fine line between involvement and interference. Some parents who have high expectations for their child find it very easy to point fingers. More often than not, the fingers are being pointed in the wrong direction.

My sentiments are echoed by Detroit Catholic Central's football coach Tom Mach when he said, "At each level, from freshman to the JV to the varsity, the emphasis on winning increases. If we just went out and participated, we'd have a bunch of intramural programs."

It is a sad fact that some parents lose touch with reality and attempt to relive their lives through their child. Unfortunately, some parents try to compete with other parents as far as the accomplishments of their child over the other. At times, it becomes embarrassing for the child.

As a coach, I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained knowledge from talking with other coaches. Beginning in the spring of 2002, I will host my first annual coaches-parent meeting to discuss my philosophy of coaching and my expectations and rules for the upcoming season. Do I expect the entire room full of parents to agree with me? No. Do I expect them to support my rules and expectations? Absolutely.