Ann The Man: The Coulter Culture

Ann Coulter, author of voluminous diatribes [1] and the only fan of the Grateful Dead in the Federalist Society, is the demigod queen of Republican politics.

When Karl Rove dreams, he dreams of Ann Coulter.

She possesses a mysteriously dark power of seduction. Contrary to internet rumor, Ann is definitely not a man but she is tougher than Dubya, Newt, Trent, Hillary, McCain, Rush and O’Reilly combined. She is not dissuaded by failure in Iraq, Afghanistan and the Greater Middle East. What failure? Bring it on!

Ann is not a man. Ann is The Man. The cultural icon of the neocons, the blonde bombshell of bombastic barbs, the cunning princess of conservative con, no one should doubt her incisive mind or intellectual prowess. No one should underestimate her rhetorical skills or razor sharp tongue.

Ann Coulter is a hurricane. Despite the occasional gaff (she once informed a Canadian journalist that Canadian soldiers were in Vietnam), she possesses a Clintonian grasp of facts and the biting sarcastic wit of William Buckley.

Unlike the former standard bearer of conservative thought, however, Ann is prone to initiate discourse with a position of outrage. Buckley was measured, as if circling his prey before the kill. He never appealed to dogma or religion to support his point of view, and he could rarely be accused of partisan pandering.

Ann Coulter may perceive herself as Jean D’Arc under constant siege but she more resembles the playground bully, angry that no one wants to play.

Dennis Miller, the former comedian turned comrade in cutting conservative commentary, once explained that he never criticizes the president because the president is his friend and he never criticizes his friends. Aside from what that says about his friendships, the explanation is a fair working definition of a partisan hack.

I am not well acquainted with the body of Coulter’s work (I would not read her diatribes unless I was paid) but I am reasonably confident she has never taken a position contrary to the dictates of party. The only difference between Coulter and former RNC chair Ed "Dizzy" Gillespie is that Coulter takes every argument to its absolute extreme:

Those who fail to oppose abortion are complicit in murder.

Those who fail to support any war our president decrees are traitors.

Those who fail to see the world through the golden neocon vision of Ann’s seductive eyes are unworthy of American life.

Those who do not tow the Republican line are godless.

In the eyes of Ann Coulter, the world is a very simple place but the very foundation of her argument is a fallacy.

The great war of philosophies, in which Ann casts herself a field commander, is not a battle of philosophies at all.

Those she most denigrates are distant cousins of the liberal philosophy exemplified by Franklin Roosevelt – so distant that Roosevelt would not recognize them. The one Ann despises most viscerally will be remembered as much for his conservative initiatives (welfare reform, deregulation, free trade) as for the prosperity of his tenure.

Those she most venerates are equally distant from the conservative standard of Buckley and Goldwater for they have disavowed the libertarian ideal: NSA spying, criminalization of recreational drugs, birth control, the right to die and wars of aggression are antithesis to traditional conservatism.

Fans of Ann, tell me I am wrong. Where has she strayed from the party line and had the courage to remain there?

If examples are wanting, then Ann is a charlatan, a fake and a fraud, for she does not possess the virtue of intellectual honesty. It is impossible that a complex mind should precisely coincide with the partisan divide.

In his prime, Buckley would have shredded her like Parmesan cheese.

Ultimately, Ann Coulter is not persuasive. She is designed to solidify the far right. She is a field marshal in the propaganda war. She has the neocon flank.

Jazz.

[1] High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case against Bill Clinton (1998), Slander: Liberal Lies about the American Right (2002), Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism (2003), How to Talk to a Liberal (2004) and Godless: The Church of Liberalism (2006).

JACK RANDOM IS THE AUTHOR OF THE JAZZMAN CHRONICLES (CROW DOG PRESS) AND GHOST DANCE INSURRECTION (DRY BONES PRESS). THE CHRONICLES HAVE APPEARED ON DISSIDENT VOICE, THE ALBION MONITOR, BUZZLE, PEACE-EARTH-JUSTICE AND COUNTERPUNCH.