Why did I change?

I’ve really been so confused lately. I can hardly understand myself. It’s like a stranger is living inside me. There are times when I share jokes and laugh so hard, yet I don’t feel like I’m happy. There are times when out of the blues, I just feel like crying or screaming. I also get upset easily.

If I’d compare myself now from who I used to be in the past, I’m far off different now. Before, I only took thing light. I didn’t allow responsibilities, problems and business to take over me and ruin my life. I was not expressive then, but I’ve always hoped I have someone who’ll be able to see me through.

When I was on my 3rd year, I changed a lot. I became so expressive of my feelings. I realized the true value of friendship and how was it to be really happy. Those things happened because of my friends. They provided me the love and care I need. I was so happy that I even hoped time didn’t run.

There are several reasons why I changed. One of which is because I’m getting tired of my loads of responsibilities, but I know it’s my choice. I can set aside some so I’ll have time to rest, but I choose not to.

I believe that the incidents last summer were the primary reasons why I changed. My treasured friendships with three of my beloved friends were put in three difficult tests. Unfortunately, one of which didn’t manage to survive. It was so painful but I have to let her go.

I tried different ways to answer my question, but I failed. I thought I would never find the answer, ‘till a very close friend answered it for me. She said that the reason why I don’t feel happy even when I laugh is because the people who made me feel happy weren't here.