Baseball and Life -- The Pierre Jones interview

With a .358 average, two home runs and 75 RBI, Pierre Jones, first-baseman for the San Pedro Splash (San Pedro, Wisconsin) is really taking the Midwestern League by storm.

This weekend, I sat down with Pierre to talk about baseball, life, and his love of blended fruit smoothies.

Peter Gloviczki: Hi there, Pierre.

Pierre Jones: Hi, thanks for having me on the show.

PG: Well, actually, this interview is for a magazine article. I'm a writer for the eSports Media Group.

PJ: Whatever. So how many stations are we being broadcast on?

PG: None.

PJ: Does my hair look okay? (Takes out comb)

PG: It looks fine, but I don't think our readers will care. We already have a photograph of you in action, and that's what will go into the article. Let's start the interview, shall we?

PJ: Right. (Continues combing hair).

PG: So, when did you start playing baseball?

PJ: Yes, the Twins do have a chance to win the Pennant. That Jacques Jones really is amazing.

PG: But, your baseball career, when did that start?

PJ: Well, it started when I was in Little League. I just picked up a bat and it's been amazing. I take the bat everywhere with me now. (Jones pulls out a wooden bat. It's a 36-inch Louisville Slugger.)

PG: So, you carry the bat with you?

PJ: Yup, I take it with me everywhere. Even that time I got thrown in jail. Now, that's a story.

PG: Really, how did that happen?

PJ: Well, we were visiting Washington DC and I saw Barney, the President's dog (U.S. President G.W. Bush has a Scottish Terrier named Barney). Now, Barney is a real celebrity, so I wanted to see if I could get him to autograph the baseball bat. You see, when I encounter famous people, I ask them to autograph my bat. So far, I have Mickey Mouse, Wile E. Coyote and Bugs Bunny. (Pierre shows me the signatures). I felt like it would be a great addition if I could get Barney to sign the bat.

PG: And what happened?

PJ: Well, I called out to Barney: "Hey Barney, Can I get your autograph?" For some reason, the Secret Service started looking at me kind of weird. They got in between me and Barney, but I just kept yelling. I thought that maybe Barney would see me, and then he would jog over to sign the bat. But that didn't happen. Instead, the Secret Service whisked me away very quickly. It was intense, they treated me like a crazy person. When I told them I just wanted to get the dog to sign my baseball bat, they asked me a bunch of questions about my mental state. I told them that we were in Virginia, and that the Mental State must be somewhere near Utah. Come to think of it, do you know which state is "the Mental State?"

PG: No, I don't. After the Barney incident, you were kept in a Virginia prison for a week. I've heard that "prison changes people." Do you have any insight about that? PJ: Oh definitely! When I was in prison I grew to love blended fruit smoothies. There isn't much to do in the slammer, but they did have a really cool juice machine. So, every night, my cell-mate Rocco and I went down to use the juice machine. Rocco has been in jail for a while, which was really lucky for me because he knows how to make the best fruit smoothies. He makes a Strawberry Banana smoothie that is to die for. So if you're thrown in jail in Virginia, just ask for Rocco, he will take care of you.

PG: Right. Uh, well, that's all the time that we have for today. Pierre, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, and good luck with the rest of this season.

PJ: My pleasure, thanks again for having me on the show.

This is a work of fiction. To the best of my knowledge, there is no San Pedro Splash