Baseball: Team participates in "Karaoke for Charity"

Thursday night, a few members of the San Pedro Splash (San Pedro, Wis.) baseball team participated in "Karaoke for Charity," a fundraiser which benefits the Save the Astroturf Foundation of Wisconsin.

Now, when sports fans think of karaoke night, they usually imagine a bunch of untalented, tone-deaf individuals. This event only served to confirm that stereotype.

"We really can't sing well," said Jerry Mathias, second baseman for the Splash. "Heck, I don't even sing in the shower. It scares the cat too much. But, at least I can take comfort in the fact that my teammates are just as untalented as I am. What can I say, we do things as a team."

Organizers praised Mathias' focus on teamwork, and said that the event was meant to raise awareness about the Save the Astroturf Foundation of Wisconsin.

"Not to brag, but the whole event was my idea," said Gus Henderson, owner of The Slippery Shack, San Pedro's only bar. "I'm a proud member of the Save the Astroturf Foundation, and we wanted to raise awareness about Astroturf. It should be protected, you know, like those wildlife reserves. People just don't respect the turf, we need to change that. The members of the Splash are the pillars of our small community. The fact that Mr. Mathias and his teammates would join us for this special evening is truly remarkable."

Among the highlights of the evening was Mathias' rendition of Ricky Martin's "Shake Your Bon-Bon," and second baseman Jorge Jones' performance of Macarena by Los Lobos. Jones was especially pleased with his performance.

"I love to give back to the community," said Jones. "The fact that I can't sing is really secondary. When it comes to important and worthwhile causes like Astroturf, professional athletes need to take a stand. As local legends, the members of the Splash need to step up and make our voices heard."

Included in the $5 ticket was a t-shirt with the slogan: "I support Astroturf." Local merchants pooled the necessary funds to print the shirts, and so far as many as 1,500 have been sold.

While all in attendance were pleased that the athletes took time away from work to support charitable causes, some lamented the choice of a karaoke fundraiser.

"My only problem with the event was that the players really couldn't sing worth a lick. I wouldn't even let them sing to my cat," exclaimed Nick Peterston, one of almost 3,000 people in attendance. While Peterston said he was proud to wear the "Save the Astroturf" t-shirt, he suggested a benefit concert, rather than karaoke, for next year's fundraiser.

"I heard that the guy who used to play the organ for the Splash is going to become a heavy metal guitarist. (read the full story here).

We should get him to play next year, instead of these tone-deaf losers. Having to hear both the "Macarena" and "Shake Your Bon-Bon" in one night? God, that was painful."

This is a work of fiction. To the best of my knowledge, there is no San Pedro Splash.