General: Random Thoughts

Last week, I watched a French Open tennis match between what ESPN2's mini-scoreboard referred to as "San" and "Cle." At first, I wondered if the San Antonio Spurs and the Cleveland Cavaliers had shifted from basketball to tennis. After resolving that confusion, I noticed the new scoreboard blocked portions of the tennis court from view.

The new ESPN tennis scoreboard is also hard to read. Each player's score descends vertically from his or her name, going against the tradition of listing scores horizontally from each player's name. During the second set, the scoreboard is even more difficult to understand because one could read the scores either vertically or horizontally. ESPN needs to go back to the drawing board.

While tennis is exciting in its own right, it cannot match the hype of the NBA playoffs. Low scoring, terrible officiating, great defense, you name it: the Eastern Conference Finals matchup between the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons had it all.

Now we get to watch the Pistons and the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals. Why? I subscribe to two conspiracy theories: 1) the NBA needs a huge-market team in the finals, such as Los Angeles, New York, New Jersey, or Chicago, and Los Angeles is the only remaining option; and 2) the NBA would like to market the 2004 Pistons as the NBA sequel to the "Bad Boys" Pistons teams that won the 1989 and 1990 NBA titles. Think about the roles: Chauncey Billups as Isaiah Thomas, Rip Hamilton as Joe Dumars, Rasheed Wallace as a slightly-calmer Dennis Rodman, and Ben Wallace as a more likeable Bill Laimbeer. Sounds like it has potential for great ratings. Maybe the NBA Finals will do better than last summer's disappointing movie sequel, "Bad Boys II."

Of course, even the NBA's marketing geniuses make odd moves from time to time. ESPN and ABC are running NBA playoff ads featuring The Black Eyed Peas and their catchy ditty, "Let's Get It Started." Interestingly, the original album version of "Let's Get It Started" was titled, "Let's Get Retarded." (Insert your own joke here.)

The funny thing is that Snoop Dogg's new movie, "Soul Plane," has been advertised during NBA playoff games, and the ads for that obvious Academy Award contender feature "Let's Get Retarded." (Insert your own joke here, Part Two.)

Mark my words: "Let's Get It Started" will be the "Who Let the Dogs Out?" of 2004. Baseball stadiums will be playing it ad nauseam by Labor Day, and we will all be sick of one, or both, versions of that song by the end of the summer.

NBA executives would certainly prefer to see media coverage of their ad campaign instead of the Kobe Bryant Scandal. Last July, I wrote, "The Lakers have virtually guaranteed themselves another championship [after signing Karl Malone and Gary Payton], unless the team suffers from ... an unthinkable Colorado sex scandal." In October, I said Bryant's problems would help NBA ratings because people love to watch courtroom dramas unfold.

Today, the Lakers have a good shot at winning the NBA finals, and Bryant's problems have not destroyed team chemistry. The reality is that, so far, Bryant's case has been relatively unexciting. We have not seen dramatic courtroom testimony covered live on television, and as a result the media cannot show gripping images to the public. Contrary to my prediction, the situation has not translated into better ratings for the NBA. The scandal's biggest impact on the NBA so far has been the media's breathless, "Will Kobe play well the same day of a court hearing?" coverage, which seems, frankly, a tad absurd. Average people have court hearings every day, and many go back to work afterwards.

Last but not least, I have a simple suggestion for Portland Trailblazer fans and other residents of Portland, Oregon. To honor the Detroit Pistons' Rasheed Wallace -- aka "The Forward Formerly Known As, "Rasheed Wallace, Surly Trailblazer Malcontent'" -- I propose that Portlanders start referring to Northwest Portland's Wallace Park as "The 'Sheed." The park -- er, I mean, "The 'Sheed" -- has a playground, tennis courts, soccer and baseball fields, and pick-up basketball galore. Renaming the park would be both a fitting tribute to a player who remains an enigma to many locals and a way for Trailblazer fans to achieve closure on the Rasheed Wallace Era. I cannot wait to call my friends and say, "Hey, let's play tennis at 'The 'Sheed,'" or, "Today I met my future wife while playing ultimate frisbee at 'The 'Sheed.'" Wouldn't "The 'Sheed" look great in a City of Portland tourism brochure?