Peter Aveyard: Fashion

Warning. Discretionary Content. This article may contain material that is either inappropriate or offensive to some audiences.

Like it or not we are all influenced by fashion at some point in our lives. With some of us it is fleeting whilst for others it is a way of life. It never fails to amaze me the lengths people will go to in order to make themselves look ridiculous in the name of appearing fashionable. Take for instance the latest ladies fashion of wearing jeans or trousers that don’t have a waistband. The idea is that the garment accentuates her womanly curves. That’s all well-and-good for those women that have stick like, figures but for any poor woman who has more than an ounce of fat wearing those type of trousers only magnifies the fact that she isn’t a bean pole. So why do so many fat girls insist on wearing them. I’m not talking about your average lady with a little spare on the waist, No: I’m talking about the big fat pizza and pie troughing lard a***s. God knows why they do it. Do they think they look sexy with all that blubber hanging over their jeans? To make matters even worse it’s fashionable for a woman to wear a blouse that stops half way up her chest so that even if her trendy trousers fit properly there isn’t enough material in her blouse to tuck it in. The desired affect is for a slender woman to reveal her mid area. Ok it may look good on the ones fortunate enough to posses an ideal figure but not on a girl with the figure like a space hopper. Just cover up for God’s sake! It’s bloody horrible! If there are any fat birds reading this that like to show off their bellies listen up! You don’t look sexy you look a bloody mess. I witness a couple of trendily dressed females at Leeds station walking along a platform this week. It was obvious that the pair of them preferred a pie and a pint rather than a healthy chicken salad, or equivalent if you know what I mean. As they lumbered along in their cool outfits it was like watching tripe on parade. Copious amounts of flabby flesh were on display. The really sad thing was they seemed to be oblivious to the fact that people looking at them were contemplating whether or not they could throw up over the edge of the platform without jeopardising rail safety.

It appears that some young men don’t own a mirror either. I don’t know why but the big trousers trend is still with us. Did the designers of the non-fitting blouse for women decide they had better come up with a way of getting rid of the excess material? What compels a young lad to put on a pair of pants that you could fit Lisa Riley in. Is it a subliminal message to young women? Like men who have to have the biggest, flashiest cars is this their poor equivalent? Are they subconsciously saying to any female onlookers I’ve got a big knob, just look at my pants! You could have a rave in here.

We all succumb to the hype at some time or other. I have to admit that even I fell for the fashion trap when I was young. Psychedelic shirts and platform shoes were all the rage and I swaggered around the playground with all the other fashion gurus looking a complete twat. The desire to look cool seems to override the brains common sense module. Then there was the Fonz, DA hairstyle that you just had to have or else you weren’t cool. It was either that or something from the Punk wardrobe. I didn’t venture down the punk route myself. There was a moment when I thought that punk was really cool and I experimented with the sugar and water mixture to make my hair stick out in all directions. Fortunately I never plucked up the courage to show off my creation to anyone. The punk theme was discouraged on the council estate where I grew up. Any unsuspecting young punk venturing across the estate would be greeted with comments of "Scruffy bastard" and "f****n’ toe rag". Needless to say there weren’t many trend-setting punks where I lived. To those brave enough to face the barrage of abuse they systematically endured I suppose it only strengthened their resolve to look like a dick head. At least with the Punk thing it was the only real positive influence fashion has had on any generation. Punk encouraged the young to do what the hell you like and don’t give a stuff what anyone else thinks. At what other point in the history of youth culture has anyone been able to dress in a bin liner and say – I’m cool. You’ve got to admire the balls of the whole punk thing. It was so outlandish and different that it has never been equalled. Punks didn’t buy faded ready ripped jeans they wore them out and ripped them themselves. Of course they still looked like knob heads but the underlying message was I can wear what I want, I can make it myself and it definitely doesn’t have to have a designer label. Well I could go on and on about this but I’d better leave some room on the server for my fellow ranters.