Attack of the Killer Roommate - Part 3

His eyes sparkle. His breath forces its way out of his lungs. I’ve never seen him so focused. His fingers parade the surface of the bright yellow fabric. What is it? I don’t know. He looks at me. I look at him. He looks at his precious fabric. "Do you think this will burn?" He finally asks me. I don’t quite register the question. "Burn?" I ask back hoping for some clarity. "yeah I’m gonna burn it in the balcony, haha!" he turns away and opens the balcony door. I see a pile of burnable useless stuff. "Dude, what the hell are you doing?" I know full well that my apartment could end up being a story in the 9 o’clock news. Headline being "College Student Sets His Own Apartment On Fire". He smirks and goes back to the bonfire setup. "Ok man, you know you shouldn’t be playing with fire. Didn’t your mom go over this with you?" A cold sweat seeps its way through my forehead. If I had to save some of my possessions, which ones would I save? Which ones could I carry?? OUR WHOLE APARTMENT BUILDING is made out of WOOD. I think about my options. I come out to the balcony and interrupt the madness. "So…I don’t want to die…" I reason waiting for spark of maturity to light up the night. He laughs hysterically. My reaction is more amusing to him than the actual burning of stuff. "Don’t worry man, I’ve done this before" he reassures me. "You have?" he checks to see how much fluid there is in his lighter. "yeah I did it last week" – "wait… you have already burned stuff in our balcony?!" He resumes his hysterical laughter. "How have you not been arrested already?" I ask seriously pondering this myself. He tells me that if the fire gets out of hand, he’ll simply kick it down to the grass. I sit quietly in my thoughts. I need help. HE needs help, SERIOUS help. The pizza man rings the doorbell holding 2 large pizzas. It’s dinner time. I hope the food distracts him away from his experiment. It doesn’t; Now he’s in a hurry to burn everything because he is hungry and he wants to eat while it is still warm. Oh it’s gonna be REAL warm soon. He places his lit lighter next to the bright yellow fabric. It doesn’t catch on fire, thank god. He becomes frustrated and gives up after a couple of minutes. I’ve never appreciated lack of perseverance as much as I do now. "Let’s eat dude, pizza is getting cold" He comes over and sits by me obviously disappointed. "Don’t worry man," I promise him "some day you’ll burn all the things you want. I don’t know how…or why…but if that’s your dream, dammit you will achieve it someday. Just don’t kill me ok?" His faded smirk comes back in full force. "So..." he continues "I could be the president of the Island where all drugs are legal…" I realize the night is just beginning. Common sense, however, has already gone to bed.