What's an addiction?

You've heard the term "addiction" used many times and you may have heard a definition or two of it. So before we start, let me tell you about one of the biggest problems with overcoming addiction. It is that many people are addicted and don't know it. They rationalize their addiction by telling themselves, "Everyone does it", or "It's harmless", or "My therapist says it's not a problem."

Well, conventional, licensed therapy is oblivious to addiction, which is why so many people turn to the 12-step method. Unfortunately, the 12-step method has its problems. One of them is their definition of addiction. They consider it a powerful force that overtakes you and makes you do things against your will. To overcome this powerful force you are required to turn yourself over to a Higher Power. In other words, you let the Higher Power overcome you instead of the addiction overcoming you.

I don't use the 12-step method when it comes to helping people overcome addiction. And I encourage my clients not to turn themselves over to any Higher Power. Nor do I ask them to turn themselves over to me. I believe the client is powerful. I believe each person has the power within them to overcome their own addiction - once they understand what addiction is and how to overcome it.

Before we go further, I need to take care of a minor detail. Every once in a while I come across someone who doesn't like to think for themselves. They need an authority figure to think for them. To this kind of person, if the authorities say the world is flat, then that's all they need to know. Let someone else think for themselves and fall off the face of the earth.

Since I've challenged the two reigning authorities in the field of addiction and mental health: conventional licensed therapy and the 12-step program, someone is thinking, "Who gave him permission to say that?" or to put it another way, "What are his credentials?"

Fair enough. What government authority has issued credentials to me? None. I’m self-taught. If you need someone approved by the system, don't read any further. It might lead you to the end of the earth. And you know what happens to people who go beyond what the authorities approve of.

No authority figure, no educational establishment enabled me to overcome four addictions. They are smoking, eating, gambling, and sex addiction. No authority figure has allowed me to help people overcome addictions since 1975. But I have. No authority figure told my wife and I to marry. But we've been together since 1977 and we're happy. So, if you want to read the results of a man who has faced life on his own, did it the hard way, and has been helping people gain the benefits of his knowledge, wonderful. Let's set sail for a new world, not approved of by any authority figure.

Now for a simple definition of what an addiction is:

"An addiction is an activity or substance you use to avoid dealing with feelings or conflicts that need to be faced."

Now let's apply the definition:

Do you eat to relieve anxiety? Well, even though you might not be an ounce overweight, you are addicted to food because you are using food to escape anxiety rather than facing it.

Do you masturbate to go to sleep? Do you need a drink to go to sleep? Do you need a toke of pot to fall asleep? This is one of the most common signs of addiction. Falling asleep can be difficult because of the anxieties and tensions of the day. If you are using a substance (alcohol, illegal drugs, legal drugs) to fall asleep, then you’re addicted. If you use an activity (masturbation for example) then you're addicted. This brings us to another question some of my clients will ask: "What if I need to read something to fall asleep?" It’s a good question and I’ll go into it further at a later time.

Do you need a drink to relax at the end of the day? Then you're addicted.

As we apply this principle I have a hunch some of my readers will be thinking, "My God, I don't know anyone who isn't addicted!" It wouldn't surprise me. Most people are addicted to something.

Let's take the major escape addictions - I'm going to leave smoking aside because I do not consider it as serious as the ones I'm going to mention. (Smoking is dangerous for your health and is certainly politically incorrect. But in my opinion it is not a serious "personality addiction.")

The major personality addictions are:

1- overeating
2- sexually addictive behavior
3- dependency on alcohol
4- dependency on illegal drugs
5- dependency on prescription medication
6- workaholism

Look at the list and I think you will see that there are very, very few people who are not addicted.

The other side of this picture is that addictions - like anything else - are a matter of degree. A person who is sexually addicted is not necessarily a compulsive porn addict. Someone dependent on alcohol is not necessarily a fall-down drunk. Most people who smoke pot are not confirmed potheads.

But we do need to keep our definitions clear so that we can understand our problems and identify what areas in our lives we want to improve.

I suppose some of my readers are thinking, "Does Joe expect everyone to walk around like a monk?" Not at all. First, I don’t advocate celibacy. I think celibacy is sick. That aside, I don't consider overcoming addiction a process of denying one’s self pleasure.

When I help someone overcome an addiction it is based on helping the person increase the pleasure in his/her life.

But that's for another day.

I hope you've enjoyed this article. If you'd like to know more about my approach to addiction, please click on the link below.

SexualControl.com
Overcoming sexual addiction, including pornography, masturbation and infidelity