Greg Rusedski v Andy Roddick

First set: Rusedski 6-6 Roddick

No surprises for the first four points: it's all going with serve.

First set: Rusedski 6-6 Roddick

For a moment, it's like the first days of Bros out there on centre court: lots of boy-band shrieks and lustful moans. And with good reason: Britain's No2 is 15-30 up and two points from the set. But then Roddick's serve takes over.

"Maybe like Robbie Fowler, A-Rod would benefit from a quick snort of the chalk line to pep-up his game?" suggest Andrew Morton. Not at the moment, Andrew.

First set: Rusedski 6-5 Roddick

Another confident game from Rusedski, including his third drop shot of the match. My, the man is looking confident. Tie-breaker anybody? "In defence of Canada, their backpackers do have the courtesy to stitch their flag to their rucksack so that we may recognize and avoid them wherever they go," says James Tatch. "Admittedly this is so they don't get mistaken for Americans, but it does help the rest of us out."

First set: Rusedski 5-5 Roddick

Awesome 135mph serving from Roddick! Rusedski barely hits a ball that game, let alone wins a point. "The Canadians DID fight in the 1812 war, the Yankees tried to invade them and kick out the Brits," says Kate Carter, who's a historian. "So there." How about an apology, Frank J. McKevitt from Houston?

First set: Rusedski 5-4 Roddick

The conventional wisdom is that Rusedski is all wham-bam-thankyou-maam. Serve, volley and nothing else. But with Roddick is threatening at 30-30, Rusedski hits a howitzer of a forehand to hold on. Roddick is having the better of this at the moment, but he's yet to get the break. Will it cost him? To your emails.

"Don't forget that Canadians also brought us the joys of Degrassi Junior High," says Dominic Firth. "Surely a case for pre-emptive prevention or whatever the monkey in the White House calls it now."

First set: Rusedski 4-4 Roddick

At about this point last year, Roddick started to get frustrated. But at the moment he's serving as cool as you like and takes the game to 15.

"True, Celine Dion and the others are all pretty unforgivable, but when has America ever given us a sportsman as cool as Bill Werbeniuk?" asks Richard Rouse. "Or Kirk Stevens for that matter. Big Bill more than makes up for their crimes against music. In fact, he even makes up for Cliff Thorburn as well."

First set: Rusedski 4-3 Roddick

Roddick buries his head in his hands - and with good reason. At 15-30 he has a makeable backhand, but, like Robbie Fowler in his prime, buries it low into the net. What a miss! Two forehand volleys later, Rusedski takes the game.

"The 1812 War, as far as I know, consisted largely of our troops burning down the White House," says John Hall. "The Canadians may or may not have been involved, but I'm sure they would have been in favour of it. And back then, the Canadians, like Greg, were British subjects anyway. So you're all right there, Sean."

First set: Rusedski 3-3 Roddick

Listen to those cries of "Come on Greg!" (Sorry Kenny McLeod). And who can blame them? Rusedski has just expertly traded blows from the back of the court to make it 30-30. But then Roddick's serve intervenes and we're all square again.

"Canadians being a little bit harsh on morons aren't they?" says Neil Apter, preparing his cheap shot. "Moron IQ is 50-75. So George Bush should actually come under imbecile (25-50)."

First set: Rusedski 3-2 Roddick

Normal service resumed: four serves, four Rusedski points, absolutely no rallies. "Obviously if Rusedski wins please refer to him as British otherwise he can stay Canadian," says Simon Duffy, summing up the views of many.

First set: Rusedski 2-2 Roddick

A rally! Not that such trifling details bother Roddick (who is electing to stay back on his first serve). His forehand is - as early 1990s ravers would say - massive. And, although Rusedski takes it to deuce, the American's hitting is too powerful.

"I've got a tenner on Roddick at 10-1 to win the tournament," says Kenny MacLeod. "I want this one short, sweet, and by the numbers, dammit. Anyone shouting out "Come on Greg" will get a swift poke in the eye."

First set: Rusedski 2-1 Roddick

Excellent signs for Rusedski fans early on: he's serving well - a 135mph effort in that game - and his volleys are crisper than a November morn. Another game won to love.

"American music is pretty awful but Canada has given us Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne, and the mother of all obscenities Bryan Adams," says Pete Harris. "These crimes must not be forgotton, long rule the A-Rod."

First set: Rusedski 1-1 Roddick

Roddick's first service game lasts all of 20 seconds: two aces, two unreturnable serves. "How dare you call our Greg Canadian?" says Richard Rouse. "This is most unpatriotic of you. He's as British as Prince Philip."

First set: Rusedski 1-0 Roddick

Rusedski wins the toss and elects to serve. And quelle surprise (as our French-speaking Canadian readers might say) his first 135mph missile is unreturnable. Cue huge cheer and a teenage chant of "Go on Greg!" But Roddick is making the British No2 work - he gets several returns into play, forces deuce, and it needs an ace from Rusedski to seal the opening game.

"History lesson," says Frank J. McKevitt from Houston. "We fought the war of 1812 against you lot (The Brits). Regards." Regards to you to, Frank.

Pre-amble:

For some reason, Americans and Canadians just don't get along. There's the 1812 War, of course. And the "Blame Canada" song in South Park. And, lest we forget, George Bush being branded a "moron" by Canadian prime minister Jean Chrétien's official spokeswoman at a Nato meeting in Prague.

Well, here we go again. Act 247 in the US v Canada neighbourhood spat, as Greg Rusedski takes on Andy Roddick at Wimbledon. Last year, Rusedski blew the A-Rod away in straight sets. Can he repeat the trick? Expect it to be fast and furious (so please, if you are sending emails in, remember your Year 8 grammar lessons).