Could it happen -- Shaq vs. the NBE...er, A?

If Shaquille O'Neal was forced to follow the same NBA rules as other players, could a lawsuit come of it?

Probably not, but here's a fictitious account of what might happen.

Plaintiff (O'Neal): It's not fair.

Defense: There are rules about the matter.

Plaintiff: Yeah, but I haven't changed. I've just been doing what I've always done.

Defense: People are complaining about rule enforcement and how some people get away with breaking rules. No rules have been changed. You now just have to abide by them.

Plaintiff: But I'm a star, an icon.

Defense: Yes, you are a star, but the public thinks that it is only because you have been able to get away with breaking the rules.

Plaintiff: But, like I said, I've always gotten away with it. If you start enforcing the rules now, you'll put me out of business. It's discrimination, plain and simple.

Defense: Yes, you and others have gotten away with breaking rules for years. President Clinton tried to redefine "sex," breaking a language rule. Enron and Arthur Anderson have just found out that people don't like certain people breaking the rules and they are under fire for breaking business rules. Rush Limbaugh slaughters the rules for pronunciation of words like "nuclear," even causing President Bush to mispronounce it. People are getting tired of what seems to be a class system where some people can break the rules, and still the common person has to abide by them.

Other basketball players have to shoot free throws from behind the line. Other players have cannot stay in the key for more than three seconds. You have been breaking these rules and the public is complaining. Though we represent ourselves as sports, people are starting to say we are just entertainment because you don't have to abide by the rules of the other players.

Plaintiff: It's not fair. I'm a big guy. I need to step of the line on free throws. That's how I can make them. Back when I wasn't stepping over the line, I couldn't make them. You saw the games. When the end of the game was close, the other teams attacked me, knowing that I couldn't shoot free throws. They even gave that tactic a name, "Hack a Shaq!" It's not fair!

Then about the three seconds in the key rule -- again that's discrimination against big guys like me. I'm so big that if I have to keep moving out of the key, it's too hard for me to move back.

That's why I'm bringing this discrimination suit. According to the American Disabilities Act, you can't discriminate against people's physical condition, especially if it causes them to lose their job.

Defense: We're sorry you feel that way, but our client needs to get back its credibility. People are referring to our client as the National Basketball Entertainment, saying we're akin to the World Wrestling Entertainment organization. The WWE is suing Newspapers and TV news for inclusion as a sport, declaring that they are as much a sport as we.

This is all about money. First and foremost, we are a business. The public doesn't think of as that and we like it that way. Sure we like a series to have seven games instead of six because of the revenue that would be gained by the extra game, but as we discovered in the Lakers vs. Nets final, when people don't believe the NBA truly is a sports' business, but an entertainment business, instead, they don't bother to watch the finals and we lose money on advertisement.

We are sorry that your large size makes you unable to participate in basketball if the rules are followed, but the public is voting for rules enforcement by not wanting to watch you play. Just as Enron and Arthur Anderson are being forced to pay for their misdeeds, to abide by the rules, or go bankrupt, the same situation now has to apply to you.

If you want to be an entertainment icon, you can always join the WWE. You will have the same opportunity to earn millions of dollars, not have to worry about any rules, and if you're lucky, you might be fortunate to have Rush Limbaugh go back to sports announcing. Besides, many people feel that the WWE is a more-appropriate place for him, too.