Caring for the Aging

It happens somewhat slowly in the beginning, perhaps with a slight cough that grows more extreme as time goes on. It may begin with absent mindedness that is out of character, then full memory lapses. What do we do when our parents eventually need taking care of after they have spent so much of their adult lives taking care of us? What is a child’s responsibility to them? Is it self-centered to relocate them into an assisted home? And which siblings should shoulder the responsibility? These are questions which plague families whenever a parent happens to become sick.

It is certainly very normal for feelings of guilt and even sometimes depression to bloom as a result of a deteriorating parent. But luckily there are a number of good associations that offer expert advice on coping with these problems. And there are specialists in this arena who can work with you to help you through the hard times.

Local hospitals, hospices and nursing homes usually have such names and numbers to assist you in this regard.

If your father feels sure that someone has broken into the house just to steal his chocolate when he has in fact eaten it himself, do not argue with him or say that his theories are irrational. Just calmly acknowledge how he feels and make him feel safe and loved. Do small things to alleviate his fears such as letting him see you lock the doors or secure the windows at night before going to bed. If you get an unsatisfactory attitude from his physician, take him to a geriatric psychiatrist for further examination.

Erratic behavior is perhaps one of the earlier warning signals of dementia. If your mother starts cursing at the dinner table in front of the kids because her steak is a bit undercooked, correct her calmly by teaching her the appropriate behavior: "Excuse me, my steak is a little undercooked, can you put it back on the grill for me please?" Never resort to bad language yourself, as this will just perpetuate the unwanted behavior. If you feel yourself losing your own temper, take a few deep breaths until you are able to control your emotions. If you are being verbally assaulted then it may be best to detach from being called offensive names.

Give 3 warnings, use the silent treatment and walk away if the behavior persists.

This can be one of the toughest problems to cope with, particularly for a very stubborn parent. Driving is so commonly associated with freedom yet if your neighbors are beginning to report that your father is passing stop signs or driving on the wrong side of the street you have to deal with this. If you take his keys away from him, he may resent you, so it may be advisable to take a more indirect approach.

Take him or her for a "routine" checkup to test his vision and/or reflexes and ask the physician for a letter stating that the patient should be no longer driving. Send the letter to the DMV requesting that his license be taken away. This may take a few weeks, but when the DMV takes away his license, be sympathetic and do research on transportation for seniors in the area, which is usually inexpensive and efficient.

For further information go to Fish Oil and Omega-3 Facts and learn more.

This article originally appeared in the October 2004 Zone Net Newsletter