Lawyers Act Like Children, So Judge Treats Them Like Children

In a ground-breaking order signed Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell decided to take a stand against lawyers in his Orlando courtroom who were acting like children. The lawyers, David Pettinato and L. Craig Lee, were arguing the case of Avista Management vs. Wausau Underwriters Insurance Company, and they had been bickering about every single tiny detail of the lawsuit. The two had been arguing for weeks over where to take the sworn statement of a witness, when Presnell finally got fed up with their childish behavior and ordered them to settle the dispute with a game of "rock, paper, scissors."

The judge scolded Pettinato and Lee for failing to settle their differences in reasonable fashion. He then ordered the two to come up with "a neutral site agreeable to both parties" for the face-off, but if they are not able to agree, they must appear on the steps of the federal courthouse in Tampa at 4:00 p.m. on June 30 for their "rock, paper, scissors" showdown. The winner will get to pick the location in Hillsborough County where the witness will be interviewed to give his deposition.

"We’re going to have to do it," said David Pettinato, lead attorney for Avista Management. "I guess I’d better bone up on ‘rock, paper, scissors’ rules." The lawyers have both agreed to hold the tournament in Pettinato’s office. Whoever wins the game will get to hold the deposition in his office. Pettinato told reporters that the judge had gotten his message across with his "new form lf alternative dispute resolution." He said, "I have never heard of it and was very surprised to see it. We are going to comply with the judge’s order to try to resolve things more amicably."

This is not the first time the children’s game has been used publicly to settle a dispute. Last year, officials of the two rival auction houses Sotheby’s and Christie’s engaged in a game of "rock, paper, scissors" to determine which house would have the rights to selling a $17.8 million collection of art being offered by a Japanese electronics company. Christie’s won the game.

Matti Lesham, co-commissioner for the USA Rock Paper Scissors League, has offered to fly to Florida to officiate the duel. "We will make sure that rock, paper scissors is not made a mockery of by the legal system," he said. "When people take rock, paper, scissors into their own hands, mayhem can occur."