A Yankee fan living in Boston

I hate the Red Sox. Hate them, hate them, hate them. However, I now live in Boston. What is a self-respecting New York fan like myself expected to do in this situation? Why, walk down the street every weekend in my favorite faded, shrunken Tino Martinez or Paul O'Neill shirt, of course. Not just walk, but saunter. Sometimes I even skip.

The filthy, menacing, jealous and sad looks that I get from Bostonians just make me move with a little more spring in my step. The anger and envy that consumes Red Sox fans is truly hysterical. Loving the Sox isn't their true passion. Hating the Yankees is.

I don't really consider myself a Yankees fan. I miss Tino and Paulie and Ricky Ledee (yes, Ricky Ledee) too much to really care about the Yanks as much as I used to. And the ridiculous additions of Gary "Trade me or I'll strike out in 39 consecutive at-bats until you void my contract" Sheffield and Kevin "Give me my own private jet or I'll go sign with Colorado" Brown did not exactly make me want to run down to the Bronx and buy season tickets, a giant foam finger and a couple of Derek Jeter bobble-head dolls. If you know what I mean.

However, I find that rooting for the Yankees is more fun when you live in Boston. Not only do I get to spend quality time with A-Rod and his dimples, but there is the added bonus of inciting violence while I am at it.

The plight of the Red Sox fan is just so amusing to me. You can't say anything about the Yankees without someone throwing something at you. Usually beer. Just hearing the word raises their blood pressure to dangerous levels, and should a clip of John Sterling and his trademark "Yankees win! Theeeeee Yankees win!" call should make it onto the Boston airwaves, there is a cascade of heart attacks all around the city.

Red Sox fans don't know how to cheer for their own team. They don't clap their hands and say "Nomar's awesome!" or "Manny Rules!" They'd much rather bash New York. No matter the occasion; football game, Sunday brunch, Thanksgiving dinner, someone is going to start a "Yankees suck!" chant.

My favorite example of how their obsessive hatred of the Yankees has taken all the joy out of Red Sox fans' lives occurred this past January. Not five minutes after the Patriots won the Super Bowl, I was outside with thousands of rioting folks around Northeastern, and the chant began. "Yankees suck! Yankees suck!" Even I was surprised when I heard it. Just consider the level of obsession and hatred you have to have reached to start up the Yankees bashing FIVE MINUTES AFTER YOUR TEAM JUST WON THE SUPER BOWL!

And don't even get me started on the absurdity of Curt Shilling sporting a new red and blue baseball cap with an interlocking "YH" on it -- for "Yankee Hater." That move made Shilling look even less mature than Manny Ramirez after one of his "I forgot to run around the bases again" stunts. You want to tell me that Shilling has been in this town for about two weeks and all of a sudden he's developed this deep-rooted, vocal distaste for the Yankees? His hat should have been green; that's the color of envy.

The Sox fans were ready to award themselves World Series rings after their three game sweep of the Yankees in the Bronx in late April. They had crowned Boston the champions, and declared the Yankees failures and the season over. Less than two weeks later, the Yankees have won eight games in a row (and counting) and both teams have identical 16-11 records and share the top spot in the American League East.

Keep holding your breath until Nomar comes back, Boston. Which do you think is going to have a bigger impact on his team, Nomar and his fragile wrists/hamstrings/shoulders being in the lineup or Derek Jeter breaking out of his slump? The Yankees may not be pitching well this year, but that lineup will undoubtedly come around and hit. Who cares if they win all of their games by a score of 10-8?

The same cannot be said of the Red Sox. Sure, their pitching has been great. But it can't really get any better, and it is very questionable if that lineup will hit much better than it has so far, even when Nomar comes back. They have a team batting average of .260, which is only 11 point better than the Yanks. And the Yankees have more home runs.

At the end of this season, Red Sox fans are still going to be repeating their sad little mantra of "We swept you in April." Yankees fans will have nothing to counter with, except, of course, "Talk to me in October."