Poker: No curse for WPT's 'Pirates of the Caribbean'

When I heard that Wednesday night's World Poker Tour event was in the Caribbean, and in fact had the rather unlikely name of Caribbean Poker Adventure, I knew I was going to have a horde of "Pirates of the Caribbean" jokes up my sleeve. Little did I know they were actually going to be apt, as bold battles, master strategy, and other things one might expect from a two-hour pirate movie ended up in a two-hour poker game.

The table was an interesting mix of three heavyweights versus three amateurs, with a prize pool totaling $1.6 million and a final table built on top of an ice rink on a massive cruise ship. It was going to be high stakes on the seas for sure: not only was two-time WPT champ Gus Hansen involved (remember him from the Bellagio?), Texas rounder Hoyt Corkins (the guy that drove Phil Hellmuth up the wall at Foxwoods) was also in the game.

And then there was Danny.

Daniel Negreanu is my number-three favorite professional poker player, behind Phil Gordon and Howard Lederer, despite the fact I've never actually seen him play before tonight. All I've seen of him has been clips and segments, but I adore this man's sense of humor. He's just as funny as Paul Phillips and endearing in the way of a loyal golden retriever. Throw in him making his first WPT final appearance, and this party was going to be insane. I could just sense it.

Here's how it all started out:

1. Hoyt Corkins - $611,000 2. Daniel Negreanu - $408,000 3. Gus Hansen - $317,000 4. Michael Benedetto - $166,000 5. Remco Schrijvers - $116,000 6. John D'Agostino - $54,000

I always start by giving out the week's "Kevin Walker Award," of course, and this week it goes to number six there, John D'Agostino, one of the three amateurs at the table. John is actually the youngest person ever to appear at a WPT final table, which of course gave me hope that certain 18-year-old sportswriters might in fact be able to bluff their way into a good game with the bad boys of poker. Yeah, pipe dreaming is fun sometimes.

Anyway, I know what you're thinking. The three heavyweights are sitting at the top of the standings, and the three poor amateurs are just dying down there. You're thinking that, and you're absolutely right, because Gus Hansen is a nightmare, and they'll be having ones about him for a while now.

A mere 12 minutes in, Dutch student Remco held A-J and went all-in against Gus's A-Q. A pretty even race, right? Well, it was, as the flop went 9-2-A, and the turn and river went 3-4. The entire thing was meaningless, and Gus's higher kicker banished the academic back to study hall. It was that fast. I barely knew the guy. I never even knew how to pronounce his name.

Gus wasn't done with his impromptu class session yet. Only three minutes later, John went over the rail holding a pair of jacks against Gus's Q-9. It seemed a dead lock in the other direction at first, but Gus Hansen gives himself opportunities to win, and this was one of them. The deal went Q-2-6-A-8 and John was done.

I was keeping my eye on Danny, of course, and that hand provided his first burst of comic relief. He was rearranging his chip stack, and the way he had reached for it made the audience think he was calling, causing huge applause. A slightly startled, terribly amused Danny protested, "Relax, I haven't done anything yet!" But of course, with a vaguely coy smile, when it was his turn to act he did indeed go for his chips, saying, "They talked me into it." Pure Danny.

Too bad there isn't an "ask the audience" lifeline in poker, because Gus's next victim could've used it. Poor Michael Benedetto was the last person left on the hit list, and 11 minutes later his number was punched. He held a mere 8-7 against Gus's Q-J. With a deal of 10-9-J-K-K, Gus's two pair of face cards ended Michael's night. It was starting to look like a star showcase.

Yes, this did indeed have the potential to be the Gus Hansen Show on Ice, as he'd terminated three people in fifteen minutes, but they don't fear this guy for no reason, folks. I mean, this guy is even one of the top backgammon players. I'm fairly sure I don't want to go up against him even in a game of checkers.

Now it was the real deal: three professionals slamming up against each other. There was the grand overlord of poker, the scary Texas guy I don't ever want to meet in a back alley, and the unpredictable wiseguy. In other words, it was anybody's game, or maybe a good situation comedy. At least, Danny was my Commodore Norrington, the underappreciated supporting character, while Gus Hansen was doing his crazy Jack Sparrow impression, and Hoyt... I don't even want to try to guess who Hoyt would be. Maybe that evil Captain Barbossa, except, you know, not evil, just really frightening.

Danny is one heck of a comedian, but he also makes good points, too, and fairly quickly he made another one I particularly enjoyed. After being thrown around by Hoyt for a bit, he looked down at his A-3 and across at the cowboy. "If I don't do this, it's gonna be 'all-in' over and over and over," he lamented, leaning back in his chair. He wasn't going to be pushed around any further, and went all-in himself, making a spectacular call of Hoyt's weak 9-7 hand and doubling up. Forget poker, that's a good life lesson to remember!

Unfortunately for Danny, though, he was up against two very good players who are particularly talented at torturing people, and twenty minutes after his moral stand he got to take a seat. In a twist of irony, it was Hoyt's K-9 that did in Danny's Q-9 on a fairly meaningless deal of 6-8-7-3-7. Just as Danny was starting to pick up some momentum and I was starting to get laid back, he was gone -- teach me to try to root for him and watch Jake Peavy pitch at the same time!

Still, this heads-up between Gus Hansen and Hoyt Corkins promised to be fascinating. After all, I remember the down-to-the-wire battle between Gus and Paul Phillips at the Bellagio that ended in Phillips' satisfying first win. I also remember laughing maniacally at Hoyt's endless all-in torture of Phil Hellmuth at Foxwoods. These two deserved each other and the almost hour of play it would take for one of them to finally win.

The chip lead would go back and forth as strange hands were played, strange calls made, unpredictable flops made known. Really, I had no clue where any of this was going, and I didn't know if even Danny could make sense of it.

Finally, with only six minutes left in the two-hour marathon, Gus played the insane hand of 7-3 against Hoyt's 9-4. I thought he was completely crazy for playing a measly hand like that, but then again that's why he's a two-time champ and I'm an analyst. The deal went 5-7-K-3-3 and Gus Hansen once again won a WPT title, guaranteeing him a seat where he can make his run at a third WPT championship. I wouldn't bet against him.

The final standings on the night:

1. Gus Hansen - $455,780 2. Hoyt Corkins - $290,065 3. Daniel Negreanu - $192,270 4. Michael Benedetto - $132,600 5. John D'Agostino - $93,450 6. Remco Schrijvers - $74,590

Don't miss next week, as it is the 2004 WPT Battle of Champions -- featuring the best of the best, including cool cat Chris Karagulliyan, T.J. Cloutier, Juha "Hula Dancing Outside The Crab Restaurant" Helppi from Aruba, and the long-awaited Season 2 appearance of the only man to ever make me have a poker nightmare (in which he took all my money), Howard "Mr. Poker Face From Hell" Lederer. Of course, then there's that hated two-minute WPT Power Clock. If you want to see some truly scary people squirm under time limits that would make Kiefer Sutherland nervous, this is the week you want to be watching Wednesday night on the Travel Channel.

(For those of you waiting on the recap to last week's Aruba Classic, don't worry -- it'll be here as soon as I can watch the tape and stop trying to argue with myself over what my final table would be.)

Until next Wednesday, don't make any crazy bets, unless, of course, you happen to be Gus Hansen.