On a suicide romance

Took a ride on a suicide romance Could've sworn there was somebody home You were wrong, you were right Don't know where I'm going yet But I sure am getting there -- Five for Fighting, "Easy Tonight"

I think I knew my heart was lost when I stood in the middle of the break room at work and said out loud, "Adam, you and I have been down this road before..."

When did it become he and I? It's always been "we" in the sense of my walking with these heroes that comprise the San Diego Padres past and present, but when did it become me and Adam Eaton caught up together in all of this?

I don't know, and I don't think I ever will. What I do know is that somewhere over the last four years, the right-handed starter and I have been conjoined, not in the physical sense, but in some kind of magic. Over the last four years, the way of Adam's world has also been the way of mine. It's the greatest love affair that really isn't because the two people have never actually met.

That doesn't make it any less special or weird. After all, Adam was the first member of San Diego's "Disaster Squad" to come aboard, and my first memory of him was that this guy was the real deal. His first couple of starts impressed me, and being a sucker for a good pitcher, I wanted to know more about this newcomer who'd shown up and promptly rocked my world. Ever since then, he's had me wrapped around his finger. Whatever sports karma there is has stuck us with each other.

Let me give you an example.

One game I was at a year or two ago, Adam put on a marvelous show that totally blew my mind and ended in a shutout. At Qualcomm, any time a pitcher throws a shutout, you can redeem your ticket stub within 48 hours for a free dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. Now, I love Krispy Kreme donuts like pretty much everybody else, but there aren't any locations anywhere near me, so I didn't get to capitalize on this little benefit.

I was back at the stadium a day or two later and the game was nowhere near as good; in fact, it was a total blowout. Disgruntled, I spent most of the later innings watching the Padres dugout, hoping to catch a glimpse of my favorite players. I eventually located Adam, and somewhere in the middle of the eighth I could swear he was looking in my direction. Of course, this only served to make me feel guilty about not getting those donuts, and I think I apologized under my breath.

That shutout isn't even a freak aberration. Whenever I happen to be in attendance for one of his starts, Adam always brings his best stuff, giving me amazing performances that inevitably end up going down as favorite ballpark memories. In fact, my friends got so used to me bounding in and talking all about his brilliance that two years ago the following infamous conversation took place:

Me: You guys, Adam was so great last night! He... Friends: ...What is this guy, your boyfriend or something? Me: He's married. Friends: Then maybe he's your ex-boyfriend.

Ever since then, Adam has been labeled by my friends as my "non-ex-boyfriend," which only made things weirder. Subsequent conversations have since ended with "So what, did you guys reconcile or something?" which was the epitome of weird. Still, we keep recycling the joke and over the years, I've learned to accept it.

Maybe it's like that. Maybe it's some sort of strange pseudo-relationship that makes me think I have nothing and yet everything to do with it when Adam goes up against Josh Beckett, is uncomfortable on the Pro Player Stadium mound, and flames out. I know I didn't screw up the mound, but at the same time, this is Adam we're talking about.

This is the guy who happens to be the pinch-hitter almost on command when I'm in desperate need of something to believe in. This is the guy who seems to win when I'm watching out for him and to lose when I'm not. This is the guy who made me laugh harder than anybody else at Spring Training. This is the guy who happens to look a lot like my muse and who somehow makes everything feel okay even if the last week has been the worst week of my life. For all of that, I think I owe him something.

That something is standing by him even as he gives up five runs in one half-inning. That's cheering really loud for him even if I get weird looks from other people who don't know all the history that I've just told you. That's supporting my favorite current player to the end of the line and not apologizing for it, rather just cracking a voracious grin and going along for the ride.

I really have no idea what weird serendipity exists between me and Adam Eaton. I just know that whatever it is, I wouldn't give it up for the world. As I used to say, everyone needs their mind blown once in a while, and for me, Adam's got that covered.