General: Sterno's Talkin Smack! -- Episode #106

Sterno's Talkin' Smack. No holding back here. It's all trash, all the time.

Welcome back to a brand new edition of the program. Today, we discuss the first month of Major League Baseball, the bathroom habits of Roger Clemens and I will go around the world of sports and deliver some observations like only I know how. Without further adieu, your favorite mix of ass and class.

Smack This: A Month in the Majors -- Look, I have told you all many times that I love hockey, but I will be the first to admit that once baseball season starts, I forget that anything else exists. Granted, that may be because I am an Islanders fan and my team never sees the ice in May, but regardless, it's a fact. Baseball and the spring are like me and open bar. Something magnetic brings the two together and they just fit.

Let's talk about some of the happenings in the 2004 MLB season to this point. First of all let's look at some of the story lines. We watched Barry Bonds pass Willie Mays and for a couple of weeks we sat and watched every at bat he had on ESPN, wanting or wishing he wouldn't, make history. That passed us by and now nobody cares about Bonds except to know whether or not he a) uses steroids or b) will walk more than three times today.

Then we had the Detroit Tigers. Yeah, that lasted long. I guess you can call hovering around .500 a great season when you watched that disgrace in Detroit last year but the idea that Pudge Rodriguez was coming to save the Tigers after a couple of weeks of Spring Training, is ridiculous. They are better but that's about it. Keep in mind that Rondell White is doing some of the damage and he is a limp or two away from being on the shelf like he is for periods of time every season.

The Red Sox were beating up on the Yankees and every bar in the city of Boston was full of fans proclaiming their usual cry, "This is our year." After beating the Yankees six out of seven games, the Yankees have barely lost a game. The Sox however, have Curt Schilling looking just above average, a leadoff hitter that makes Rupert from Survivor look like a model and a shortstop that spends more time under the covers with his soccer star woman than he does actually rehabilitating. Did I mention he catches Celtics games from time to time?

You can't talk about the past month in baseball without talking about Roger Clemens. While Yankees fans everywhere mourned Andy Petitte's departure to Houston, the Rocket sat and waited to make his next alienation. He said goodbye to the Sox and headed to Toronto, left the Jays hanging and was traded to the Yanks and then he told George Steinbrenner to go and eat a Calzone, and he went home to Houston. In my opinion, the Rocket took all of the gifts the Yankees gave him and hung them in his bathroom. That's how much he appreciates anything. This guy is always and has always, been out for himself and nobody else. He makes me sick. He can go 30-0 and I still won't respect the guy. Maybe I am still scarred from the whole, "I thought it was the bat," incident with Mike Piazza. (Didn't Piazza hit a HR that took away Roger's eighth win? Sorry.)

Speaking of the Yankees, what is the story with Derek Jeter? Now, I begin my saying that even as a Yankee hater, I think it is ridiculous for the Bombers fans to EVER boo this guy. He has done enough to deserve a free pass for the rest of his career. However, he can't seem to get above the .200 mark and he is hurting the top of the order in the Bronx. I don't think it takes rocket science to say that he put some additional pressure on himself this year with his boy A-Rod over at third. A-Rod snapped out of his doldrums and so will Jeter (as much as that hurts to say.)

MLB Observations -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: Random Shots -- I think it is just another notch on what is becoming a nasty looking belt for this justice system that Jayson Williams is going to get off. I have said this once and I will say it again. He shot his dog. Do you hear what I am saying? He shot his dog. Why? He did it over a bet! This guy is loaded; couldn't he pay someone off? I don't care if he caressed the trigger and it accidentally went off, he was joking around, he didn't mean it, or whatever you want to come up with. The guy is an absolute jackass and he deserves to be put in a small box and sent down a river.

I cannot tell you how happy I am to see Roy Jones lose. Not only did he lose, but he got his block knocked off by Tarver. Roy has been the "pound for pound" biggest pain in the ass in Boxing for years. He has definitely backed up his talk with his fists but it is about time that this guy gets humbled. We all know that he has never had any good competition in his weight class. Oh, and I don't even want to hear about him beating a heavyweight because John Ruiz is NOT a heavyweight. He is a bum. There used to be a difference.

Finally, I need to say a couple of words about Smarty Jones. Now that I think about it, this would be a good nickname for Roy. Anyway, this story hasn't gotten me nearly as worked up as it has the rest of the media. It's a horse. Yeah, I saw "Seabiscuit" and it was a great movie. I wish I could have seen the real horse that Spiderman rode. Okay, I admit that. However, these are horses, not people. They aren't athletes no matter what you tell me. The way that media outlets both in print as well as television are trying to play this off as a "Great American Sports Story," is absolutely ludicrous. Give the horse a baseball bat, let it guard Shaq, or maybe even put it under center in the Super Bowl. Then, I'll care!

Those who believe the hype -- Smacked!!!

One for the Road: I leave you all with this thought until we meet again. Kobe Bryant is a cheater and possibly a racist. Shaq swears on national television and acts like a jerk. Gary Payton is a jerk. Karl Malone was outspoken about not letting Magic Johnson back in the league many years ago. These are the men that David Stern wants us to root for, watch, and see as model athletes. These are champions? This is now officially the first moment I am glad I have been called a loser in my day!

Hit me up with feedback at eSports (click the Write the Editor link) or email me directly at sterno17@hotmail.com. Unless, of course, your afraid to go toe to toe with Sterno? See ya' all next time folks! Until then, don't be the one who's smacked!