My moments

I enjoy calling myself BAD
Bipolar Affective Disorder or
Manic - Depressive or
Man - I am so screwed.
And sure I was born this way.
Sure I could blame my parents,
but to what end.
The weird thing I was the only planned child
of us 3
They call me genius- although my IQ is close
I’ve read 1000's of book just to put them all down saying
"That's enough- I get it and I really don't need to know the ending"
I experience a mixed state of being
I'm usually manis to some degree
helps keep my mind of the permanent depression.
My depression started before that first beer at 4
Years old not AM or anything else
That first drunk was a God-Send because all was right with the world for once.
I’ve self mediacted on many substances legal, medicinal or otherwise.
And being bipolar I never tried anything once
At least twice because the first time could have been a fluke
Even in my sex life I’ve tried everything
I must admit I probably understand my own and others motivations from studying the extremes in my consciousness
And manic top some degree is good
even though when I was experiencing my conversations with God
I had no problem with what was happening
Everyone else freaked out
But I was quite ill and physically starving as part of my mania
I had gotten down to 124lbs and about 2% body fat
now I understand what anorexics must endure
Through every step of my journey I have forced myself to see things in a positive light
Why beat yourself down- - -isn't that the world's job?
Its weird having another label Bipolar Affective
Whatever it is it may have helped me survive my life
Or maybe it was the force that taught me to learn thru observation and experience over lecture and books
There are regrets- but I recognize negative things and try and let them go
I really don’t need a reason to be depressed-
I just
But my mania allows me to create and participate in life
still it takes balance-
a lot of damned balance and I’ve been working on this a lifetime
the only difference is now I have a label
another title to add to my litany of dysfunctions
I think that's it kids-
hey I appreciate your feedback
Please keep it coming
helps the ego- which combats my depression
peace in your mind, peace be kind, peace in your time
thanks for the manic moment
DeWayne