TENNIS: Misadventure and her mates (part two)

By Tom Kosinski

Sports Central Sports Central Columnist

If you've been following my recent articles on my experiences in coaching JUCO tennis, you are all probably wondering, what happened this past week? Well, it wasn't pretty, but it sure gets funny.

My team went into the first matches of the season riding high. Many great practices, a lot of enthusiasm, and a better team then I could have hoped for, considering that some of my best players are not eligible to compete this season and one player who has decided to quit, unexpectedly. First up, was Mercer County Community College. We got whooped. 9-0. In JUCO, you play six singles and three doubles, each counting as a point. We had to default two points because we only had a team of five eligible, and let's just say it was a learning experience.

Before I get into the details, let me first introduce you to my team. Each player comes to the team from a different part of Ocean County, NJ. One of the first orders of business, as with any team, is to establish nicknames. Well, my team didn't waste any time. Before the first official match, we had nicknames. In this and future articles, I will refer to them by the nicknames, to protect the innocent (and the not so innocent).

My first singles player is called "Afro Thunder", or "A-Thunder" for short He is a very well rounded player, with very long, flowing strokes. The players gave him the nickname because he reminds them of a Nintendo 64 character from a game I can't remember. A-Thunder is our show piece, and off the court quite a showboat. We toyed with calling him Niketown (he works at a Nike outlet and is constantly trying to sell us stuff from Nike) but we were afraid we'd get sued for copyright infringement.

My second singles player is very new. We call him "Spiccoli". Think "looks like the dude from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, he surfs, and he's about the same age now too!" Spiccoli is our most senior player, and at 32, could almost be some of the players' father. Spiccoli has righteous strokes, hellacious desire, and is clearly the motivation and spirit of the team. He owns a beach house too, which doesn't hurt.

"Fozzie" is one-half of what the boys call "team ineligible". Fozzie has a great GPA, but got screwed because of a little known rule about adding or dropping a course within the first 15 days of a semester. Worst of all it was in the fall semester, when there is no men's tennis and the previous coach was busy with the women's team. If some things had happened a little differently, Fozzie would be our number two player, with a bullet. He got his name from the fact that during our early practices he always wore this fuzzy sweatshirt that truly made him look like the famous muppet. Waka, waka!

"C-Lo," the name I gave him, is the second half of team ineligible. C-Lo might very well be the best player at the college, but again because of rules having more to do with timing than GPA, he cannot compete with us. C-Lo, despite his status, comes to every practice, every match, and really shows the rest of the team what its all about. Its not about winning or losing, its about teamwork, being part of something bigger than just yourself, and working to improve yourself at every step. I look to C-Lo a lot during matches to help me keep tabs on what is going on and what I need to do.

"Christopher Robin" was the number three player. Before he walked into the AD's office this past Tuesday just hours before our second match and quit. Although he had promised to stick around through the second match before making any final decision, he basically stuck it to the team by giving it up on the day of our second match. It was against Brookdale Community College, our biggest rival. Yes, he looks like Christopher Robin, and is quite the loner, not unlike the character from which we get the nickname.

"Gonzo" is our number three. Gonzo is the most improved player from the first day of practice until now, and keeps getting better. The players named him after the muppet. Although I laugh at it every time I hear it, I still don't get the whole reason behind it. Nor do I understand why when the entire team was eating pizza at Pete and Elda's he ordered the surf and turf sandwich platter.

Our team is rounded out by "Frye" and "Kenny". Frye, like from the movie "Ferris Beuhler's Day Off". He looks like him, kind of acts just like him, and seems to be almost the Frye clone. Kenny comes from the South Park series. Although our Kenny is tall and big, there is just something about him that makes you want to scream, "Oh no, they killed Kenny!"

Then there's me, and my assistant. "Coach Lauren". Lauren played on the women's team and will be playing at a NCAA Division I school next year, hopefully on scholarship. She is my official assistant, and she is my shoulder, my right hand, my ray of sunshine. She is also one of my most interesting challenges. She has me working so hard some times I think that I work for her and not the reverse. As I write this, she's in Florida on spring break sunning herself, and I'm chasing down more coaches who might want to give her a scholarship next year. The guys on the team adore her, and she bakes them all kinds of treats. It's a wonder they listen to me at all.

Okay, now that you know the team, here's what happened at the first match. We lost. It was a humbling experience. Let's just say there wasn't too much to write about, but one funny thing did happen. Sorry Frye, I have to tell the world this one.

Frye, still a teenager and playing in his first college match ever, lost. He lost to one of the most consistent players I have ever seen at this level. Frye's opponent hit everything deep, everything with slice or spin, and kept my second singles player running side to side, up and back all day. Normally, you would say, "There's nothing funny about that. He just lost to a better player." Well, you're right, except that Frye, the teenager, was playing a 58-year-old man! Now, all you silver citizens don't start e-mailing me. There is nothing wrong with being 58. What was funny was that when we were on the bus going home, Frye was telling the team about his match. Frye barely got, "The kid I was playing..." out of his mouth when the rest of the team broke out in laughter. "Kid? He was old enough to be your grandfather!" Let's just say that he will never live this one down. Frye is hoping that he won't have to face this guy again. Sorry kid, you'll see him in a couple of weeks.

Well, that's it. We're 0-2 so far. But we're getting better with each match. We play Bergen County College this Saturday at home. I'm looking for win number one. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

Look forward to the continuation of George's story in upcoming weeks. Tom will also continue to update us on his team's (mis)adventures. Stay tuned!

Article courtesy of Sports Central