Hockey: The great ice diving experiment (or a night at a UHL game)

As a season ticket holder of the United Hockey League's Adirondack IceHawks, I have been witness to many games against one of our intra-state rivals, the Elmira Jackals.

One trend I have noticed is when the Jackals come to the Glens Falls Civic Center, they do a good job of convincing the referee of forcing penalties -- by diving.

Of course, fans of other rival teams, like the BC Icemen and New Haven Knights, have noticed this trend. Jackal fans will defend their team to the end, but since this is my column and I'm an IceHawks fan, please bear with me.

The Jackals have stumbled upon a new sport and I urge the IOC to take a look at this one.

It's called ice diving, and the Jackals are the founding fathers.

I decided to take you all inside the February 15 game against Elmira and into this mad experiment I call the Great Ice Diving Experiment.

If you will allow me, I'll guide you through a period-by-period synopsis of the game, with some of the notable highlights of the game.

First Period:

Elmira G Jeremy Symington starts off the game with a flimsy acting job when his new teammate, F John Vecchiarelli, shoves IceHawk F Frank Littleujohn into him, knocking him down. Only thing is, you could tell Symington was selling it like a bad salesman.

IceHawk F Dominic Chiasson goes to the box for hooking Jackal F Randy Murphy. No dive, but a funky twist from the hook.

Jackal D Rob Guinn uses IceHawk star center Hugo Belanger as a tackling dummy. He gets a deuce for interference.

Randy Murphy, who is the same height as Theo Fleury, makes believes that he's Charles Barkley for a moment and elbows Belanger, cutting him. He gets four minutes.

Jackals D James Sheehan makes believe he's Bruce Lee and IceHawk F Sylvain Deschatelets is a henchman from 'Enter the Dragon' and gets two for Cross Checking.

(Boring game thus far in terms of diving potential. But there have been two fights already and a boatload of penalties on Elmira.)

End of the first period: no dives, three fights, and a 30-7 shots on goals advantage to Adirondack. Yes, you read right, a 23-SOG advantage in a single period! However, there's no score. Symington was on his head the entire period.

Second period:

Impressive save by Patrick Couture at the 4:10 mark. Meanwhile, Symington hurts his leg the play before and gets replaced by Christian Soucy. Symington had 32 saves.

Six seconds after the switch, Jackals defenseman Ed Lowe plays goalie bowling with Couture. Perhaps he's trying to create a new sport, but that's another column.

A crowd observation: the hyperactive kid in the Trevor Jobe jersey is driving me up a wall by banging into the boards. A note to parents that are attending a game with their kids: hockey is a game, not a babysitter! And a note to that kid: Trevor Jobe doesn't play for the IceHawks anymore!

Our first dive! Well, sort of. Former IceHawk Eric Seidel feigns a high stick. I'll give him a six; he wasn't that convincing, but he does get something for effort.

Crud. Eddy Lowe scores at 11:39 to give the Jackals the lead; SOG: ADR 33, ELM 21.

Jackal D Greg Olsen pulls the old 'smash and pull' trick on IceHawk F David Insalaco. Two for roughing.

Another fight, this time with 1:39 to go. Littlejohn and Jody Robinson (yes, Jody is a boy's name, too), both get five minutes for fighting. More fights than dives! The fans are screaming, "RIPOFF!" Well, at least I am.

End of the second. Shots on goal: ADR 34, ELM 27. For the period it was 20-4 Elmira. All of that action is on our end. Good for us.

Third Period:

Our boys finally get on the board at 2:15! Yvon Corbin! Two guys in Section A make a spanking motion! All is right with the world, until 37 seconds later when Belanger scores on a breakaway! A scrap ensues between IceHawk D Brandon Fleenor and Jackal F Brad Wingfield, the latter going in the box for slashing. And no diving! CRAP!

A kid in the section nearest to the end of the ice gets hit in the leg with an errant puck at 4:11. Hope he gets better.

Nertz. Elmira ties it up at 9:19. And by Wingfield of all people!

Fight #5: Littlejohn and David Lessard at 10:03. This is Litlejohn's second fight of the evening, but the fights are beating dives 5-1. At least Littlejohn took out the Jackals' leading scorer.

Since when did 'Day-O' become a crowd chant? I'd like to meet the genius who invented that Stupid Public Announcer Trick.

Newcomer Ben Gustavson deflects a Kevin St. Jacques shot at 15:18 to make it 3-2 IceHawks! I like this guy already: he can skate, score, and pass. And, man, can he fight!

"Cottoneye Joe" by RedNex is played at 17:04. I love that song.

Attendance is announced: 2,548. Weak crowd for such a blossoming rivalry.

"If You're Happy and You Know It" is played at 18:15 and again at 19:28. New Haven isn't even playing and people are yelling "Boone Sucks!" (I'd tell you that story, which is an epic saga, but that's another column.)

Elmira pulls Soucy at 19:12 and Greg Olsen ties it up with nine seconds left in the game! ARGH! Maybe there will be some diving in the shootout. The IceHawks tie the franchise record for shots on goal with 45, while Elmira gets 34. SOG for the period: ADR 11, ELM 7.

To the shootout:

The UHL has shootouts as opposed to overtimes, courtesy of commissioner Richard Brosal, who is not very popular with the fans of the UHL. This is especially true in Utica after the Mohawk Valley Prowlers folded in the middle of last season. Ask the folks in Utica how popular he is and they'll hold up a noose.

Couture dove (yes, he dove!) to make five saves and shut out the Jackals in the shootout while Corbin made the only goal in the shootout to win the game for the IceHawks 4-3.

So there wasn't a lot of diving, unless you count the five saves Couture made. Not all games in the UHL are played this way, but I hope this gives you a humorous look on how some games are played in the UHL.