How To Communicate Effectively On The Internet

In my employment with an online community of writers, and as a fellow writer there and here, I discovered some critical impediments to effective communication on the 'net. The internet is essentially a place where feelings cannot be effectively communicated because of the flattened affect of text.

One of the first things I instituted as manager was a rule that there would be 3 things necessary to get a reasoned response from me. First I established the two e-mail rule. The first e-mail could be a no holds barred rant if needed. I promised complete confidentiality, barring any threats to my CEO or staff.

The second e-mail had to be reasoned and cogent, plus offer a solution. We would then enter into our private IM office system and hash it out. If the writer would not recognize this format and continued ranting or being abusive, I fired them.

Why is this relevant? Because in utilizing this method, I discovered two things: most of the 150 e-mails I handled daily were simply seeking some form of recognition/response. The others were from people who had serious problems with the site and felt they were not being heard or validated.

Most of this stemmed from the former manager, who was simply hopeless in this flat medium, and routinely offended everyone with her terse edictive responses.

Yet, when out of curiosity, I phoned her, she was a charming, witty and compassionate person. But... when hidden behind the safety of text communication, she became a despot hated by 99% of the writers.

Since there is so much "discussion" here at gather, I thought I'd comment on a few things I've learned to help be a better communicator online.

Words we use offline take on a very different shade of tone when used in chat or forums. OK!! offline, used as ok online are two different sounding creatures. For example let's use an imaginary dialogue: "I’m going to have to go visit my dad in the hospital, I'll be back later." Response: ok Better response: "I hope he's doing better, let us know, ok?"

This simple example demonstrates how you can overcome that unfeeling response texting can bring, that may hurt people unwittingly.

When in the throes of impassioned debate, read, read and read again. Leave it, if necessary, until you can approach the topic in a calmer frame of mind.

Avoid using "attack" words or phrases, such as "You always" or worse. Instead, try and find something to validate in the article/comment, even if it's just well presented.

Use Bullet points to get your point across effectively, instead of reams of commentary, that ends up a blur. Small bytes of the most cogent points works best with texting.

Reach or feel for the underlying reasons a person may be upset with you, if a serious disagreement flares up. And try and reassure that person even though you disagree, you can validate their feelings.

Avoid using words or phrases that connote a feel of oppression such as "You'd better, or "I told you"

Above all, remember we are all human beings with real feelings behind our screen names. Yes, as one person stated "you need a tough skin" on the 'net. But I also think we need to be alot more careful in how we respond to others, whether employees or fellow writers.

Online communities for writers in particular, could be a potent and formidable tool for communication on the internet, so it behooves us to learn the very best ways to get our views across in a positive and empathetic way.