When a child tells a lie there always is a reason

As children grow, suddenly we parents are confronted by the fact that our child has learned to lie. The child who till then would come rushing to tell every little thing he does has suddenly turned naïve. Research suggests that some children are capable of lying in a deliberate attempt to deceive by age four, and perhaps even earlier. But at this age it is not taken as a problem but as a passing phase.

Many a time it is difficult to know whether the child is lying. There are no consistent methods to know if a child is lying just by observing him. Sometimes one gets a clue from their expressions or when the story is too unbelievable or inconsistent. Since all children lie in childhood and only few of them grow up to be dishonest, it can be safely stated that most of them would be fine. In spite of this it is an important stage where parents have to be alert and handle this situation that carries in itself the potential to influence the child’s future with deft care.

Parents need to analyze the type of lie and the underlying reason behind a lie. Children usually lie to protect themselves, to get something, which couldn't be gotten otherwise, to appear more important or to meet expectations. Here parents need to assess whether they are too strict with the child or whether they are proving a wrong role model by themselves lying before the child. They should be gathering more information about the situation before reacting.

How parents could contribute in creating a more conducive atmosphere:

1. Parents tone of voice should not bait a child to lie.

2. Set an example by telling the truth.

3. Appreciate the child when he tells the truth.

4. Build closeness, openness and trust in relationships instead of focusing on the misbehaviors.

5. Let children know they are unconditionally loved.

6. The child should understand that lying will not be accepted and the reasons why.

7. Build and help maintain the conditions for positive self-esteem.

Some lying is more deceitful and deliberate here the child needs to be demonstrated parents disapproval in no uncertain terms. The child can be punished by either withdrawing privileges or by time out techniques. Discussing with the child the consequences of lying and dishonesty will also help him to grow into an honest adult. Children must be made aware that failures are opportunities to learn so that they won't believe that failures are bad and need to conceal their mistakes With a little attention, lots of love, and a no-nonsense approach most problematic children will learn to avoid the need to lie.