Boxing: Sometimes a writer's gotta do what a writer's gotta do

As you read this you'll probably ask yourself, "There is war with Iraq going on, lives are sure to be lost, and this guy has the balls to drop a sports article about a boxing event featuring women fighting it out for a chance to score some breast implants?"

Well, I am here to answer that question, and I'm going to use the motto for the event Wednesday night, which was sponsored by Coors Light, 101.7 FNX Radio, and the Storm and Birdsey Show.

The answer to the question -- Because I can that's why.

It is the same reason why our troops are over there in a country fighting for the freedom of those who live there who don't have the freedom to do and say what they want. At least here in the USA we have our freedom, and we really need to keep it that way.

Now, the reason why I mention this is because I just had a run in with a manager at a local Walmart. I'll keep this short so I can get to the main part of this article, but I think it merits mention to let us know we need to keep our freedoms alive in this country.

On Tuesday night I walked in and purchased a copy of Eminem's hit move "8 Mile" on DVD. I watched it the next morning, then got to the bonus materials featuring the rap battles, which were edited -- not dubbed over -- but edited out with those annoying silent bleeps. At one point while listening, I missed a whole verse and lost track of the whole scene.

Well, I quickly hit eject and drove right back to the store. After explaining to two customer service reps my situation, they agreed with my argument, but it was up to a higher power to give me my money back so I could purchase it at another store.

Enter the infamous store manager who decided to play hardball with me, upsetting about six others standing in line behind me. Her argument to me was that I had opened the movie and watched it, but I should have been aware of Walmart's family policy to not sell anything profane or insulting. Walmart ordered these copies pre-edited from the distributor and does the same with certain CDs.

My rebuttal to her was that I was an adult purchasing an "R" rated DVD, and they should put on the display at the entrance of the store that they are selling "censored" copies of movies. Who is Walmart to decide what I should and should not hear? What offends and what doesn't? I grew up listening to my parents' Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx and George Carlin albums whenever they went out for the evening. Not much offends me after laughing to those guys.

As for the outcome of my Walmart experience -- I got my money back and purchased my movie elsewhere.

So Freedom is why I can write the following review about women trying to improve their self esteem and bodies through a quiet little boxing match...

Wednesday night, March 19, 2003, Boston, Ma. -- The Avalon on famous Lansdowne St. was packed to the rafters with a crowd eager to watch 16 women boxing in an elimination tournament in which the champion would walk away with a belt, and an all expense paid trip to the Isle of Breast Augmentations.

WFNX afternoon DJ's Storm and Birdsey hosted the event with celebrity judges: Sports Personality Coach Willie May, Norman Stone (Former Heavyweight Champion John Ruiz's Manager), and Bridget O'Regan (Boxing for Boobs I Champion). Intermission entertainment and ring card duty was handled by the girls from Rhode Island's Cadillac Lounge.

Since I was standing ringside I must say these ladies went above and beyond the call duty of just simple ring card girls. By the end of the night I thought I was watching the Spice network. It was that good.

Just before the first bout started, Storm and Birsdey came out, announced that the air strikes had begun, and that 30% of the Iraqi forces had started to surrender. This brought a huge response from the crowd, who lit up the room with a thunderous chorus of "USA, USA, USA," which then turned into "Saddam Sucks."

After the chanting subsided, we bowed our heads for the Jimi Hendrix version of the National Anthem.

Finally the boxing was under way, which featured eight bouts with three rounds and 32 mammary potentials. During the first round of bouts, two of the fighters really impressed me with their wins and rings skill where some of the women did seem to be out of their place.

Karen "Small T*T" Tuttle (24, 5'5", 135, A cup) entered the ring wearing a t-shirt sporting a porn web site, which I cannot list here, but did view for journalistic purposes only. This girl was in shape, and for some reason I felt her manners in the ring showed that she may have boxed before. Karen destroyed her opponent and was the first to throw an uppercut.

"Slammin" Suzanne White (36, 5'4", 130, B cup) massacred her opponents with repeated right hooks and scored the only true KO of the night. Suzanne became a crowd favorite when Storm and Birdsey announced that she was a MILF. If you don't know what a MILF is then go into your DVD collection and watch "American Pie" because that is another thing I should not mention here at eSports..

In the second round, all but one of the girls stepped it up a notch, giving one of the lucky contestants a bye, but it didn't matter with the injuries beginning to mount from broken noses to torn rotator cuffs.

Next it was time for the final 30-minute intermission before the championship match up. This is where the girls from the Cadillac Lounge invited some of the women in the audience to come up into the ring and do their thing. Then, 15 minutes later, chaos had broken loose and there were women topless all throughout the ring simulating and dancing beyond belief. It was one hell of a time for those who were there.

In the end Karen and Suzanne, the two fighters who impressed me from the get go, were now fighting for the grand prize.

I really liked Karen's skills, but Suzanne had a vicious right, which she used a lot in her previous round, and I was wondering if she was going to be able to bring it.

The match opened and Karen took it right to Suzanne with a flurry of combos, but Karen got cocky and started dropping her hands. It was obvious she hadn't watch any of Suzanne's previous matches or she would have been ready for the barrage of rights she ended up taking.

Karen came to her senses and went back to boxing catching Suzanne with a nice combo knocking her headgear lopsided. At the end of the round Suzanne went to the corner, and removed her gear. There was a discussion with her corner, and then in came the towel giving Karen the victory.

Storm and Birdsey entered the ring with Bridget O'Regan to give Karen her belt, and asked to show the crowd what her before picture is going to look like. Karen firmly declined, releasing the hounds. Maybe she'll change her mind in four months.

Speak to me at sinista1@msn.com.