Let's play tag the prisoner
This week David Blunkett announced that thousands of non-violent offenders would be released from prison early. Panic spread around the country as everyone simultaneously had the same terrifying thought; "Will this include Jeffrey Archer?"
Prisoners will be released 60 days early but will have to wear an electronic tag which can only be removed by a designated police officer or by using that machine on the clothes counter at Bhs. Of course there is a danger that the tags will become something of a status symbol, and before long kids will be mugging each other for them. And some might argue that just wearing a little bracelet is not much of a punishment for somebody who was supposed to be in jail. But digital signals emanating from the tag mean the convicted criminal is prevented from having too much fun while he is out and about. For example, if the wearer goes to the cinema, the device keeps ringing like a mobile phone just to embarrass him. The gadget is also designed to block out all TV signals except Channel 5 and UK Living - a feature that has prompted widespread criticism from human rights organisations. And at all other times, a built-in MP3 player plays Music Is My First Love by John Miles over and over again. More serious offenders get a loop of Like to Get to Know You Well by Howard Jones.
Electronic tags were originally piloted when New Labour was first elected to office. A specially selected group was forced to wear them at all times so that every movement could be tracked and recorded. Back then the tags were called "MPs' pagers". The technology has now advanced to the stage where the movement of thousands of offenders wearing tags can be monitored, so if the satellite picture shows a particularly heavy build-up of criminals in one particular area then local radio stations could warn commuters. "A lot of trafficking near the Hanger Lane gyratory system, where a lorry has just been turned over, so do expect further hold-ups at banks and post offices in the area."
The idea of releasing criminals into the community was begun by Group 4 a while back. The private firm, which won the contract for transferring offenders from one prison to another, was shocked to discover that its vehicles were not secure enough and that the convicts kept jumping off the back of the tandem.
But now "Criminals in the Community" has become official policy and the next stage will have to be finding suitable jobs for the people who are serving out their sentence in our midst. For some industries it is a great opportunity: "Estate agent seeks experienced con-artist to lie convincingly and obtain large amounts of money for no work." "Electrical retailers require fraudsters to swindle gullible customers with extended warranty scam." "Experienced in daylight robbery? We need you to sell our designer greetings cards and wrapping paper!"
Tragically, one of the most obvious jobs for them would not be possible because their curfew would prevent them from turning up to sit in the House of Commons in the evening. Although, on second thoughts, that hasn't seemed to bother anyone else. The released offenders have to be inside their own homes by seven o'clock in the evening, otherwise their tag bleeps and their carriage turns back into a pumpkin.
So for 12 hours a day they are effectively swapping their old prison cells for their own houses. When offenders realised that this meant that they had to pay for their own dinners they nearly rioted, but they'd just had the roof mended and didn't want to chuck any tiles into the begonias. "I refuse to share a cell", said the painted sheets hanging out of the windows. "Conjugal Rights Now!" said another, as a wife shouted through the loud hailer: "Well make your bloody mind up!"
Apart from relieving prison overcrowding, the idea of the tag is to help reintroduce prisoners to normal society. They are prevented from going out after dark so that they end up just falling asleep in front of the telly and eventually struggling up to bed. So in that sense it works fantastically; they're behaving exactly like the rest of society almost immediately. The prison population now exceeds 70,000, which is about the population of Bedford. It's hard to imagine things getting much worse for prisoners, apart from having to live in Bedford.
The chances for rehabilitation must be greater if former offenders can now walk around our towns and cities once more, and see how things have changed since they were first sent to jail. And then they can get mugged, have their car hi-jacked, be burgled and be set upon by a gang of drunken yobs; at which point they'll go running back to Wormwood Scrubs, bang on the doors and shout: "Let me in, let me back in - they're all bloody criminals out here!"
Prisoners will be released 60 days early but will have to wear an electronic tag which can only be removed by a designated police officer or by using that machine on the clothes counter at Bhs. Of course there is a danger that the tags will become something of a status symbol, and before long kids will be mugging each other for them. And some might argue that just wearing a little bracelet is not much of a punishment for somebody who was supposed to be in jail. But digital signals emanating from the tag mean the convicted criminal is prevented from having too much fun while he is out and about. For example, if the wearer goes to the cinema, the device keeps ringing like a mobile phone just to embarrass him. The gadget is also designed to block out all TV signals except Channel 5 and UK Living - a feature that has prompted widespread criticism from human rights organisations. And at all other times, a built-in MP3 player plays Music Is My First Love by John Miles over and over again. More serious offenders get a loop of Like to Get to Know You Well by Howard Jones.
Electronic tags were originally piloted when New Labour was first elected to office. A specially selected group was forced to wear them at all times so that every movement could be tracked and recorded. Back then the tags were called "MPs' pagers". The technology has now advanced to the stage where the movement of thousands of offenders wearing tags can be monitored, so if the satellite picture shows a particularly heavy build-up of criminals in one particular area then local radio stations could warn commuters. "A lot of trafficking near the Hanger Lane gyratory system, where a lorry has just been turned over, so do expect further hold-ups at banks and post offices in the area."
The idea of releasing criminals into the community was begun by Group 4 a while back. The private firm, which won the contract for transferring offenders from one prison to another, was shocked to discover that its vehicles were not secure enough and that the convicts kept jumping off the back of the tandem.
But now "Criminals in the Community" has become official policy and the next stage will have to be finding suitable jobs for the people who are serving out their sentence in our midst. For some industries it is a great opportunity: "Estate agent seeks experienced con-artist to lie convincingly and obtain large amounts of money for no work." "Electrical retailers require fraudsters to swindle gullible customers with extended warranty scam." "Experienced in daylight robbery? We need you to sell our designer greetings cards and wrapping paper!"
Tragically, one of the most obvious jobs for them would not be possible because their curfew would prevent them from turning up to sit in the House of Commons in the evening. Although, on second thoughts, that hasn't seemed to bother anyone else. The released offenders have to be inside their own homes by seven o'clock in the evening, otherwise their tag bleeps and their carriage turns back into a pumpkin.
So for 12 hours a day they are effectively swapping their old prison cells for their own houses. When offenders realised that this meant that they had to pay for their own dinners they nearly rioted, but they'd just had the roof mended and didn't want to chuck any tiles into the begonias. "I refuse to share a cell", said the painted sheets hanging out of the windows. "Conjugal Rights Now!" said another, as a wife shouted through the loud hailer: "Well make your bloody mind up!"
Apart from relieving prison overcrowding, the idea of the tag is to help reintroduce prisoners to normal society. They are prevented from going out after dark so that they end up just falling asleep in front of the telly and eventually struggling up to bed. So in that sense it works fantastically; they're behaving exactly like the rest of society almost immediately. The prison population now exceeds 70,000, which is about the population of Bedford. It's hard to imagine things getting much worse for prisoners, apart from having to live in Bedford.
The chances for rehabilitation must be greater if former offenders can now walk around our towns and cities once more, and see how things have changed since they were first sent to jail. And then they can get mugged, have their car hi-jacked, be burgled and be set upon by a gang of drunken yobs; at which point they'll go running back to Wormwood Scrubs, bang on the doors and shout: "Let me in, let me back in - they're all bloody criminals out here!"
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