Poker: Shuffle up and just deal

When I heard that Joshua Malina, the genius actor from my favorite show ever, "Sports Night," was pulling people together for "Celebrity Poker Showdown," I was pretty excited.

The lineup included the cast of the formerly awesome "The West Wing," as well as two of my favorite actors, Ron Livingston and Paul Rudd.

I don't know why I decided to tape "CPS," but I'm glad I did, because I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it.

By the Winners' Round a month-and-a-half later, when Nicole Sullivan -- the blond from "Mad TV" -- was crowned champion, I'd become a certified no-limit Texas Hold 'Em enthusiast.

Not too long afterward, I grabbed a deck of cards, bought some chips, and started playing poker.

The premiere poker event on TV is the "World Poker Tour," which airs Wednesday nights on the Travel Channel.

Shortly after "CPS" ended, I went looking for another poker fix and started watching "WPT."

Unlike "CPS," the "World Poker Tour" is professional poker -- each Wednesday night of the season is the final table of an actual WPT tournament.

It's just as fun to watch, although less funny and with some downright awful commentary by Mike Sexton and Vince Van Patten (I'll get to them later).

"WPT" is a thrill, because this time the stakes are for real money, and some of these people play poker for a living. They're serious about the game.

That's why it surprised the hell out of me to find that on WPTFan.com, the "World Poker Tour" fan site run by "WPT" player Andy Bloch, a number of people were ripping into "Celebrity Poker Showdown" like a bunch of whiny neglected middle children.

They've levied a number of accusations at the "CPS" team, and I'm inclined to disagree, not just because it was the show that got me sitting down at the poker table in the first place.

Let me enlighten these critics and they can go back to the low-limit tables or crying in the Losers' Lounge.

Annoying Misconception No. 1: Celebrities are all incompetent poker players who should be taken out back and shot.

There were a number of celebs who had no business playing in "CPS" or in any other poker game.

Creed's Scott Stapp became "What does that mean?" boy as he had to have the dealer explain the outcome of practically every pot he was in to him.

Martin Sheen lasted all of maybe five minutes at the table, and his compatriot John Spencer couldn't count his chips to save his life.

However, this was hardly typical of the celebrities.

Where were these critics when "Sex and the City's" Willie Garson earned the nickname "Evil Willie" for knocking out every other player in his round?

Where were they when Paul Rudd played like a house on fire to dominate his game to the point where other players swore he must have a thing going with the dealer?

And where were they when Ron Livingston quietly chipped away at everybody else without batting an eyelash?

These guys went out and showed some spunk.

Maybe not all of them were great or even good, but some of them were awesome and deserve to be recognized as such. Also, keep in mind that these people do not do this for a living!

They are not Phil Ivey, Howard Lederer, Doyle Brunson or any of the professionals you might be used to seeing on the World Poker Tour. They probably play socially and that's it.

Remember when Matt Damon and Edward Norton played in the World Series of Poker and were manhandled? This was not their day job, so don't treat them like they're supposed to be that good.

Annoying Misconception No. 2: Hosts Kevin Pollak and Phil Gordon have no idea what they're talking about.

I have a confession to make here -- I'm not one for non-mainstream sports most of the time.

Before "CPS" aired, I was quite stupidly thinking of poker as a social amusement where people screw around with cards. However, thanks to Phil's expertise as a professional player, I was able to go from bonehead to savant in those six weeks, whis is an accomplishment considering that most of my sports IQ is focused on my beloved baseball.

In the beginning of each episode, there is a very clear primer on no-limit Texas Hold 'Em that allowed me to jump right into the first game with an idea of what was going on.

Phil and Kevin's running commentary helped me to get the stuff that passed me by, such as the possibility of a flush or when one should raise rather than call. Not to mention that they were at times hilariously funny.

When Paul, my odds-on favorite to win it all, was beat on the river in Winners' Round, Phil's shocked reaction, repeating "That is the biggest suck-out I have ever seen" like a tape loop, made me laugh hard enough to take the edge off the idea that a very impressive actor and player could be beaten by somebody who even considered herself an incompetent player.

Comparing Phil and Kevin to the WPT's Sexton and Van Patten (I told you we'd get back to them) is a no-contest decision.

The WPT commentators seem to have a book of cliches hidden behind their desk, because in every crucial moment they'll whip one up.

Their dialogue is flat and hardly ever funny, except for Van Patten's shot at drama queen Phil Hellmuth after a bad beat ("Put the gun down, Phil!") during the last table at Foxwoods on Wednesday night. I'd put the mute on if I didn't need to hear the players and what was going on.

On top of that, once again, keep in mind that neither Kevin nor Phil are professional poker commentators.

Phil, especially, hadn't spent a lot of time prior to "CPS" in front of a camera.

As somebody who tried out for ESPN's "Dream Job" and failed miserably, I know how hard it is to survive on-air.

Give these guys a break. I doubt you have Kevin's acting experience or Phil's playing time.

Annoying Misconception No. 3: Celebrity Poker Showdown "is not real poker."

You'll have to explain this one to me again -- what defines "real poker?"

There are six people playing no-limit Texas Hold 'Em in a casino with a dealer. People win and people lose and they take home money (well, it goes to charity).

They play by rules with a tournament director and a losers' lounge and all the necessities. They're playing poker.

Just because they're celebrities who make more money than the rest of us means they're not playing real poker?

Try making sense before you take cheap shots.

If anything doesn't make sense, it's the "WPT's" attempt to imitate "CPS," the "Hollywood Home Game."

A feature of the "HHG" is that each celeb has a "red card," which they can use once to get help from pro players Jennifer Harman and Daniel Negreanu.

Since when could you ask for help while playing poker? What is this, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"

Poker is a game of individual wit, luck and strategy, not a team sport, and it should stay that way. Let the celebrities sink or swim on their own merits.

(Ironically, two "CPS" losers -- Mimi Rogers and Ben Affleck -- are lined up to play in the "HHG." Mimi even won her game.)

Specific debacles aside, let me also point out that a number of these snipes against "CPS" were perpetrated by people whose education in grammar, spelling and making a constructive argument apparently ended in the third grade.

If you're going to start attacking other people, at least trying to make a coherent sentence might help you in the credibility column, but then, you probably didn't think about that, did you?

"The World Poker Tour" began its second season two weeks ago on March 3, and I'm already having a great time.

Watching Phil Hellmuth lose a huge pot to college kid Chris Ackerman was delightful.

Next week the table at the Bellagio's Five Diamond World Poker Classic includes two-time "WPT" champion Gus Hansen and Paul "Dot Com" Phillips, two highly notable names.

My biggest question is who the hell could possibly win a melee like that's going to be.

My second biggest question is what the hell happened to Paul Phillips' hair?

Also, a random thought: with five "WPT" luminaries -- Gordon, Darden, Laak, Hellmuth and Ivey -- sharing the same first name, do you get extra chips if you play poker and are named Phil?

Poker is a fascinating game that blends wit, luck and strategy.

As Mike Sexton says, "It takes a minute to learn and a lifetime to master."

Anyone can play, anything can happen, and anyone can win or lose in seconds. It doesn't matter who you are.

I'm a "Celebrity Poker Showdown" fan and I'm a World Poker Tour fan. I see no reason why you can't be both.